


Behind the Lights

by JamieJam93



Category: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Healing, Homophobia, If you do not like Nick painted in a bad light you should probably steer clear, M/M, Mentions Of Infidelity, Nick is a psycho dickhead, Prostitution (brief), Suicide Attempt (past), mentions of past alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-11 11:49:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 60,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3326315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieJam93/pseuds/JamieJam93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knows that things are not always what they seem.</p><p>His reputation is one of them.</p><p>When he moved to California to became a famous singer, he didn't realize that he was setting himself up to have his integrity dragged through the mud, but suddenly, he was Hollywood's man whore. The magazines said he had a new boyfriend or girlfriend every week. He was thought to be a heart breaker. But that wasn't who Harry was at all, and so he soon moved back to London to become re-branded in every possible way.</p><p>He didn't realize a re-branding would involve being in a fake relationship, and he definitely didn't expect to fall in love with his fake boyfriend, who he thought was too damaged to ever love him back.</p><p>But what Harry also didn't realize is that love truly does heal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! Sorry for that super long summary, but anyway...
> 
> This fic was originally my brother's idea and he has taken a break from writing and wanted me to have the story line instead. Hopefully I do it justice.
> 
> Also, please do not let the fact that this part is in Zayn's POV throw you off. This IS a Louis/Harry fic and will be in Harry's POV for the rest of its duration, but for some reason, this is how I saw the story starting out. So here goes! 
> 
> PS, I added a link for the trailer at the beginning if you'd like to take a look. It was made by my wonderful brother, who hates it and didn't even want me to post it for a long time, so be nice please ;)

*[Watch the trailer!!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXXmH2s-7mQ&feature=youtu.be)*

 

            “I don’t want to go, Li.”

            “You should go, babe. Drew is your best friend. You don’t have to stay long.”

            “I’d rather stay and hang with you though.”

            “I’m just going to bed early. I have that job interview in the morning.”

            “I know, but I can help you get nice and tired so you can fall asleep fast.”

            Liam smiled, cupping his boyfriend’s face in his hands as he gave him a kiss.

            “I appreciate that, babe, but go have fun with your friends. I’ll see you in the morning.”

            “Fine,” Zayn agreed with a sigh. “I love you.”

            “I love you too.”

            Zayn guessed he should have been excited about finally having a night out. He and Liam used to go out all the time as minors. They had been a couple of party animals, really, but they were happy; having the time of their lives. During their last year of school, when the stress of trying to figure out what they wanted to do with their lives and work towards it was consuming both of them, Liam began to use alcohol as more than just recreation. He was sneaking it into his house, hiding it under his bed and drinking it from the time he got home until he passed out. He became moody and withdrawn, so much different than the Liam that Zayn had known since three years old. He thought maybe the drinking would cease once they graduated, but it didn’t. In fact, it got worse.

            That was what Liam and Zayn now called their ‘rough period’ and it lasted a little over a year, though it seemed like an eternity. Then Liam got help, got sober and was coming up on his three months. It was a big milestone, and Zayn was so proud of him, but neither were naïve enough to think that things would be completely smooth already. Even Liam’s psychologist said he was doing extraordinarily well, but going to a bachelor party was probably not the best idea for him ever.

            So Zayn was going alone and maybe it would be fun, but Zayn didn’t really like to watch people get wasted anymore. Memories and such.

            Since Zayn had stalled, everyone was already drunk by the time he reached the club where the party was being held.

            “Z!” He heard his nickname called almost right away. “Zayn! You made it!”

            “Hey, Daylin.” Zayn greeted with a slight smile, but that quickly turned to a frown when he saw the boy his friend was dragging- _literally_ dragging-over. He was actually a man, Zayn supposed, as he looked around Zayn’s age of eighteen, but he was so small and looked so frightened that he reminded Zayn more of a child than a grown adult. It was a bit uncomfortable, really. “Who’s this?”

            “This is Louis! He’s our stripper for the night, but he’s not actually a stripper. He’s a prostitute! So even better.”

            Louis flinched, though whether from Daylin’s words or grip, Zayn wasn’t sure. It was probably both, though.

            “Hey, Daylin, bro, why don’t you loosen your grip a bit, yeah?”

            Daylin ignored Zayn; perhaps tightened his grip, even, and leaned forward to give the boy-Louis-a forceful kiss. When he pulled away, Louis was blinking rapidly, trying to smile even though he looked as if he were about to burst into tears. Shaking his head, Zayn turned and walked away without another word.

            As the night went on, Zayn saw a few glimpses of Louis, who always had a different guy hanging off of him. Towards the end of the night, he lost track of him completely and assumed he’d finally made a break for it. Since Louis was the only reason he had stayed so long anyway (his friends were apparently dickheads when alcohol and a pretty supposed prostitute were involved) Zayn felt a sense of relief that he could finally go home himself.

            Before heading out, Zayn made his way to the bathroom since his flat was a good 20+ minutes away, and was surprised to find that Louis hadn’t gone home after all.

            “Are you okay?”

            The guy, who had been bent over the sink, head down and knuckles turning white from the grip he had on the counter, gasped at the sound of Zayn’s voice, head shooting up as he quickly wiped tears from his face.

            “Did they hurt you?” Zayn continued.

            “No, no. They didn’t. I’m sorry.”

            “Sorry for what?”

            “Well, one doesn’t usually find the entertainment at a bachelor party crying in the bathroom.”

            “It’s okay. They’re dicks. Are you sure you’re okay?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Alright.”

            Zayn went over to use one of the urinals and, though he didn’t hear the bathroom door open or close, Louis was gone when he turned back around.

            After washing his hands, Zayn said a quick goodbye to a few of his friends, who he knew wouldn’t remember it later, and headed out, once again coming across Louis.

            “Well, hello, again,” he said. Louis, who had taken to sitting on the ground a few feet from the building, glanced up, blowing a thin stream of smoke out before replying.

            “Hello.”

            “The party is winding down, I think. You can probably sneak home.”

            To that, Louis said nothing.

            “Do you need a ride somewhere?” Zayn asked.

            Louis took another drag from his cigarette, and Zayn was just about to assume the guy was done with him when he asked in a soft voice,

            “Do you know where the cheapest motel is?”

            Only then did Zayn notice the backpack on the ground next to the other guy.

            “How much money do you have to spend?”

            Louis put his cigarette out before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the money he had made that night. He started to count, but with another shake of his head, Zayn stopped him.

            “Alright, no. You’re coming home with me.”

            Louis bit his lip, sighing a bit, before Zayn hurried to explain.

            “Not for that. You’re just going so you can get a good night’s sleep and some proper food, alright?”

            “How do I know I can trust you?” Louis asked, picking at his pants nervously though he was trying to keep his face neutral.

            “You don’t, but you can. You’re going to be in more danger going to some slummy motel near downtown London.”

            “I’ve slept on the streets the past three nights and nothing happened.”

            “Suit yourself,” Zayn sighed before turning on his heel and beginning the walk to his car. It was only a few seconds before he heard a pair of feet hurrying after him, and he smirked to himself.

            “It will just be for tonight,” Louis’s voice came from behind him.

            “So you’re going to magically find somewhere to live in one day?”

            Louis fell silent again.

            “You can stay as long as you need,” Zayn continued.

            The ride back to Zayn and Liam’s place started out quiet, and Zayn could tell Louis still felt uncomfortable, so he decided to try to break the ice a bit.

            “What’s your name?”

            “Louis.”

            “No, your real name.”

            “…It’s Louis.”

            “Oh. Sorry. It’s just that usually people in these situations don’t use their real names.”

            “Leave it to me to not even whore myself out right,” Louis said with a sigh.

            “There _are_ better ways to make money, you know.”

            “You have to have an address to get a job and I need a job to get a home or apartment or…anything…”

            “You can use my address.”

            “But why are you doing this for me?”

            “Well, life has been pretty good to me, Louis, so I like to try to help out those to whom it hasn’t been so kind.”

            The rest of the ride was silent again, but it was a more comfortable silence and they didn’t have much further to go anyway.

            “We have to be really quiet when we go in,” Zayn said as he pulled up the driveway. “My boyfriend has a huge interview tomorrow…er…today, so he’ll be asleep by now.”

            “Boyfriend?” Louis asked, sounding curious.

            “Yeah. Liam.”

            “You smiled when you said his name,” Louis commented, smiling a little himself.

            “Did I?”

            “Yeah.”

            Zayn felt himself smile then as he got out of the car. Louis followed suit.

            “We both also need to shower,” Zayn whispered as he unlocked the door to the place. “We smell way too much like alcohol.”

            Zayn showered first and while Louis was taking his, he heated up some leftover chicken and rice for his guest. Louis smiled when he followed the smell and found out the food was for him, and Zayn smiled back. He knew that getting in a car and going home with a complete stranger wasn’t the smartest thing Louis could have done, but he was glad he did it anyway.

            “I know our flat isn’t much,” Zayn spoke as he prepared a bed for Louis on the couch, “but it’s better than the streets, right?”

            “Definitely,” Louis agreed, lying down as soon as Zayn had finished setting the spot up.

            “Do you need anything else?”

            “No thank you,” Louis mumbled, half asleep before his head had even hit the pillow. Zayn took that as his cue to get to bed himself and snuggled against this sleeping boyfriend, kissing him gently on the cheek before lying down and falling asleep.

            Since Zayn had himself wrapped so tightly around Liam, he figured he would feel it when he got up, but apparently he didn’t because when he woke in the morning, it was to a freshly showered boyfriend poking him on the forehead.

            “’Morning, Sunshine,” Liam greeted when Zayn started to blink his eyes open. “It’s so nice to see you, and that random person on our couch that almost gave me a heart attack.”

            “Sorry, babe,” Zayn yawned as he sat up. “I wanted to tell you as soon as you got up, but you were stealthy.”

            Zayn explained the story to Liam, who didn’t look the happiest, but he did agree to let Louis stay for a while, adding that if they ended up robbed or dead, it was Zayn’s fault.

            “We can trust him, Li,” Zayn said, putting his arms around his boyfriend’s middle and laying his chin on his shoulder. “I know we can.”

            Zayn usually read people well, and this was no exception.

            Within a week, Louis got a job at a nice restaurant not too far away, where the customers tipped well, especially if you were attractive, which meant Louis was raking in the money.

Liam warmed up to their guest quickly and the three soon became actual friends. He also got the job he interviewed for and Zayn soon secured a better job as well, an entry level position at a press management office for celebrities. Things were going well for all three of them and they were planning on moving into a bigger house, where Louis would actually have a bedroom, but then Louis started dating one of Liam’s friends, a guy named Nick, who was a radio DJ, and Nick invited the man to move in with him instead. Louis accepted the offer and, while Zayn didn’t particularly like Nick, Louis seemed happy, so Zayn was happy for him.

            He should have known better.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added another tag because I forgot it the other day, if that's a big deal to anyone :)

            Harry knew that things were not always what they seemed. Sad people could hide behind a smile. Lonely people hid the emptiness they felt inside with fake friends and, in his case, a slew of fake significant others and one night stands.

            That wasn’t his choice, though.

            As soon as he’d turned eighteen, Harry left his nice little town in England to move to London, where he hoped to become a professional singer. Things weren’t going his way, but instead of giving up, Harry took it to the next level and went to Hollywood, California. Everyone told him he was crazy, and maybe he was, but his craziness paid off because he was signed to a major record company quickly. His album exceeded all expectations and soon, his name and face were everywhere. Okay, maybe not _everywhere_ , but he would be lying if he said he didn’t know he was famous. He’d gotten what he’d wished for.

            _Be careful what you wish for_ was never a saying Harry particularly liked, probably because his mother had said it to him all the time. He knew what he was wishing for and he would give anything to get it. He didn’t care about the consequences.

            Now, three years later, it physically pained him to admit that his mom had been right. He loved his job. Well, he loved the singing and performing part. The songs he was dealt were not songs he really liked. They were good, he supposed, but they were all about sex, sex, sex, just like Harry’s reputation. He’d got his fame, and yes, some of it was for his music, but that seemed to be the backtrack to his fake life story, where he was Hollywood’s man-whore. According to the papers, online articles and every single blog that existed on him, he was a bisexual heart breaker that would date, or at least bed, a new man or woman almost every week, leaving him or her for his next conquest afterwards.

            Harry wasn’t that person at all. Harry had never been in a relationship in his life, nor had he ever once had sex. He was a virgin, and about as asexual as one could be. He had a wide range of thoughts and emotions, but sex and lust were not amongst them. He liked it that way too, most of the time. Maybe he sometimes wished he could fall in love. Maybe sometimes he felt lonely, but that was just how he was and he wasn’t looking to change it. He wasn’t ashamed.

            That was why, after spending three long years in California, he was moving back to London with the hopes of being rebranded; starting over, in a way.

            This time, he didn’t do it on a whim. He was smart. He did his research and finally he decided on hiring Zayn Malik, a fairly new but popular and respected agent and press manager, if Zayn would accept him as a client.

            “Mr. Malik can see you now,” the nice secretary at the agency office said with a smile. Harry returned the smile and stood to follow her back. He was nervous because what if, just like his old agent, Zayn didn’t take him seriously? What if he decided that Harry’s reputation was too set and that it would be useless to try and change it? Or worse, what if, when he looked at Harry, he saw dollar signs instead of a person?

            Harry didn’t stay nervous long. When he entered the agent’s personal office, he was greeted with a huge smile and told immediately that they were to be on a first name basis. Zayn listened intently and politely as Harry discussed his new goals and once Harry had finished, Zayn studied him for just a moment before taking his turn to speak.

            “I think your goals are very achievable, Harry. It will take work and time, but it’s definitely possible.”

            A wave of relief flooded through Harry and he let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.

            “I don’t care how much time and work it takes. I just don’t want to be remembered this way when it’s all over.”

            “Definitely not. You’re a singer, not a porn star, and you should be viewed as such.”

            A smile lit Harry’s face. He was going to like this guy.

            “So, Harry,” Zayn continued, “the sooner we get started, the better. I can set you up some appointments with different record companies who will respect your vision for the music, but that alone is not going to change the public’s perception of you, and even if it did, it will be months before you get an album out. I do not think you want this going on for that much longer.”

            “No, no. Like you said, the sooner the better. But what do we do?”

            “Well…I’m just thinking here, but would you ever consider being in a fake relationship? A long-term one that isn’t made out to be sex based.”

            “A fake relationship?”

            “Yes. Even though your music is going to be more serious, it could be undermined if people still aren’t taking you seriously as a person. I’ve heard your stuff, and you’re so talented. If you’re working on something you are actually passionate about, you will be unstoppable, but people love when artists sing about things they can relate to. Get a fake boyfriend or girlfriend, say you fell in love and throw a few romantic songs on the album, and I think that will be a major turning point for you.”

            “That would still be lying, though,” Harry commented. “I wanted to get away from lying about who I am.”

            “I understand, and you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but right now your promiscuous image is in peoples’ heads and there will always be rumors, probably even if you have a significant other, but to a lesser degree then, I assume. People also love bad boys falling in love and turning themselves around for that one special person. Like I said, you don’t have to do it, and I’m sure we can come up with another way, but just think about it, yeah?”

            “How long would it be for?”

            “The fake relationship?”

            Harry nodded.

            “No set time period. A contract for that kind of thing is disgusting, I think. The longer the better, of course, but you are both people and if something happens, or one of you decides you don’t want to do it anymore, I won’t force it.”

            “Couldn’t that get you in trouble?”

            “Only if I can’t trust you.”

            “You can.”

            “Good. I thought so.”

            Harry chewed on his lip, thinking. Yes, he would still be keeping a part of him from the public, but at this point, it was highly unlikely anyone would believe he had never come close to having sex, and _asexual_ was a pretty strong term. If he threw even one line about love or such into his songs, he would immediately be viewed as a fake, despite the fact that he did know what love was. Besides, this was probably going to be the closest thing to a romantic relationship he would ever get and he was kind of curious as to how it felt.

“Okay,” he spoke up finally. “I’ll do it.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes.”

            “Alright then. Would you prefer a male or female?”

            “It honestly doesn’t matter.”

            Zayn smiled widely.

            “Great. I know the perfect man then.”

            Harry raised an eyebrow, waiting for Zayn to elaborate, but before he could, his office phone rang.

            “Excuse me.”

            Harry nodded and after pressing a couple of buttons, Zayn picked up the phone.

            “Hello, Molly…no that’s okay, I figured…Yeah, send him on in.”

            Zayn hung up and turned back to Harry.

            “Sorry about that. You don’t mind if we have a guest join us, do you?”

            “Um…no. That’s fine.”

            “Great.”

            In less than a minute, the office door opened and a man walked in. Even though Harry didn’t get attracted to people, he could still tell the guy was attractive and couldn’t help but blurt out, “So is this him then?”

            “Who?” Zayn asked, smile at the man turning to a confused frown.

            “My fake boyfriend.”

            “No,” Zayn replied with a laugh. “No, no. This is my fiancé. And yes, we’re really engaged.”

            “Oh. I’m sorry,” Harry apologized. “I guess I got overexcited.”

            “It’s alright. He’s a cutie.”

            Zayn winked at his fiancé as the man took a seat opposite Harry.

            “Harry, this is Liam. Liam…Harry. I’m sorry that I let him barge in on us, Harry. He gets a little impatient waiting for me to take my lunch break.”

            “It’s fine,” Harry assured both of them with a smile. “Hi, Liam.”

            “Hello,” Liam said with a smile as well. “So you’re getting a fake boyfriend?”

            “He is,” Zayn spoke. “Don’t you think he and Lou would be adorable together?”

            Liam looked back to Harry, tilting his head a little bit before smiling again.

            “They would. Is that such a good idea though, babe?”

            “It’s a great idea, Li.”

            “Lou? Is that his name?” Harry asked.

            “Yes. Well, Louis. Louis Tomlinson. Have you heard of him?”

            “Can’t say I have. Is that bad?”

            “No. This is perfect, actually. Don’t google him, please. I would like for you to base your opinion on him from _him_ and not media bullshit.”

            “Okay…”

            For the first time since entering Zayn’s office, Harry was nervous, though he told himself not to be. Zayn’s request was reasonable. He obviously knew firsthand how inaccurate people could be painted in the limelight.

            “And he’s going to know that, like, it’s totally fake and I’m not looking for anything, right?” Harry asked.

            “He will, and you don’t have to worry. He’s not looking for anything either and won’t try to start anything. He actually doesn’t even like to be touched, so…”

            “Wait, how is that going to work?” Harry asked then, realizing he may have interrupted. Zayn wasn’t mad.

            “It will work perfectly. He’ll be fine with little things here and there for the cameras, but he will be distant enough that it won’t look like a purely lust-filled relationship.”

            That was a good point.

            “When am I meeting him?”

            “Can you do dinner at my place tomorrow evening?”

            “Sure can.”

            “Then you’ll meet him tomorrow evening. Say around six thirty?”

***

            “YOU’RE DATING LOUIS TOMLINSON?!”

            Harry winced, pulling his phone away from his ear.

            “No, Niall. I’m making people think I’m dating Louis Tomlinson. You’ve heard of him, then?”

            “Of course,” Harry’s best friend said. “And god damn, he’s gorgeous. I really hate you sometimes, Styles, you know that, right?”

            “No you don’t,” Harry said. He and Niall met in school when Niall, from Ireland, did an exchange program. He went back home after his year in England was up, but the two still kept in contact and visited at least twice a year.

            “Anyway, I feel weird that everyone seems to know who my fake boyfriend is except me,” Harry continued. “Zayn told me not to google him. So who is he exactly?”

            “Beautiful. He did some modeling and was dating that Nick Grimshaw, the radio DJ. He interviewed you a few times on his show when you flew back to London for shows.”

            “Yeah, I remember him. He tried to get me to sleep with him.”

            Suddenly, a mildly sick feeling formed in Harry.

            “How long did Louis and Nick date?”

            “Um…four years? Somewhere around there.”

            “So they were together both times Nick interviewed me and…all that.”

            “Well now you know why he wanted you to meet him at a hotel instead of being a gentleman and taking you to dinner before taking you to his place and fucking your brains out.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me he had a boyfriend?”

            “I knew you weren’t going to do anything with him anyway.”

            “Poor Louis.”

            “Yeah. Everyone seemed to think they were, like, the golden couple or something, but I never bought it. Nick always gave me the creeps. I miss Louis though.”

            “How do you miss Louis?”

            “Well, I miss _seeing_ Louis. When he stopped modeling, he basically just disappeared. The only time anyone saw him was when he had outings with Nick, which wasn’t that often. No one has seen him at all since the...eh…since the break-up five months ago. Did I mention he’s gorgeous?”

            “No, I don’t think you did. I’ll make sure he sends you an autographed photo.”

            “Don’t worry about it. Just send me him whenever you’re through.”

            Niall and Harry hung up soon after that and, while he really wasn’t thinking about it much earlier, Harry now found it a challenge to stay away from the internet. He just wanted to know what the guy he would be ‘dating’ looked like. Really.

            Tomorrow really wasn’t that far away though, so Harry resisted, going to bed early to speed up time just a bit.


	3. Chapter 3

            The next day, Harry got a call from Niall right at noon-so probably as soon as he woke up.

            “What are you wearing tonight?” the Irishman asked as soon as Harry had answered.

            “I don’t know yet,” the singer answered.

            “Well figure it out and send me a picture! I need to approve, you know. Louis deserves the best.”

            “Gee, thanks. But it doesn’t really matter what I wear. I’m just going to be at Zayn’s.”

            “Yeah, but you’re meeting your boyfriend!”

            “Fake boyfriend.”

            “Maybe he can be your fake boyfriend with real benefits.”

            “He is, Niall. The benefit is that maybe I won’t look like a whore anymore. Besides, I am _asexual_ , and one good thing about that is I don’t base my appearance on trying to attract other people.”

            “Well, you should still look nice for your fake boyfriend. Go find your outfit. Don’t forget to send me a picture!”

            Without another word, the man hung up and, sighing, Harry went to his closet and began to search. What did one wear to an occasion such as this? He didn’t want to overdress, but he also didn’t want to look like what they were doing for him wasn’t a big deal.

            Finally, he decided on a short sleeved cream button up and black skinny jeans. Niall approved.

 

            Slowly but surely, evening rolled around and it was time for Harry to head to Zayn and Liam’s place. His nerves had been growing more and more all day, though he didn’t know why. He supposed first dates were just stressful, even if they were fake.

            “Hello, Harry!” Liam greeted cheerfully only moments after Harry had rung the bell. “Come on in.”

            Harry stepped in, looking around the place curiously. He’d figured Liam and Zayn had money and apparently, they didn’t care to hide that fact either. Their place wasn’t a mansion, per se, but it was pretty close, with a big entryway equipped a chandelier and even one of those circular seat things that Harry never learned the proper name of in the middle of the floor. The place had to have at least five bedrooms, and on their way to wherever Liam was leading Harry, they passed both a formal dining room and kitchen. They even had a spiral staircase.

            “It’s a bit much for two people, I suppose,” Liam spoke with a smile on his face as he noticed Harry looking around, “but Zayn’s family didn’t have much money while he was growing up so now that he had some extra to play around with, he likes to go all out.”

            “There isn’t anything wrong with that,” Harry said honestly. He had a decent amount of money himself, of course, but his home was pretty modest; just two bedrooms and two-and-half bathrooms, along with a tiny dining area, but he loved it. That didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate things that were a bit grander. To each their own.

            “Right now it’s three people here anyway,” Liam continued. “We’ll have Louis with us for at least a couple more months, I assume.”

            “Oh, Louis lives with you two?” Harry asked.

            “Temporarily, yes.”

            Harry nodded, continuing to follow Liam until they reached what Harry supposed would be the living room, though they probably called it the sitting room or something like that.

            “Have a seat,” Liam offered. “Zayn and Louis will be ready in a few minutes.”

            Harry took a seat on the couch and Liam followed suit.

            “So, Liam,” the singer began, “what do you do? Are you in the same industry as Zayn?”

            “Oh, no. My job is pretty boring compared to yours and Zayn’s. I own a small electronic store chain. We only have three locations right now, but it’s something, I guess.”

            “You own it? And you’re what, twenty-one? Twenty-two?”

            “Twenty-two, yes.”

            “Then that’s pretty amazing, Liam.”

            Liam smiled, a little bit of color rising to his cheeks and Harry smiled back.

            “You and Zayn are so successful for being so young.”

            “We got lucky,” Liam admitted with a shrug. “I applied for an assistant manager position at the original store location, the only one at the time, and they were so desperate that they hired me despite the fact that I had no real management experience. I just went up from there, and I couldn’t have done it without Zayn. He started out as a receptionist at a press agency, but he was so good with the clients that he climbed the ladder fast. I couldn’t have bought my store out or opened more if it weren’t for him.”

            “Give yourself a bit more credit, Liam, come on,” Harry said kindly.

            “I tell him that all the time,” a voice from the entryway to the room spoke and the two on the couch smiled and stood up at the site of the other host.

            “Is everything ready, babe? Or did you need some help?” Liam asked.

            “Everything is ready. We can eat. Where is Louis?”

            “Good question. I thought he was with you.”

            “No. Hm. I’ll go find him. You two can go on to the dining room if you want.”

            “We might as well. Are drinks already on the table?”

            “Water is. Juice is in the fridge if anyone would rather have that.”

            “Unfortunately, by juice he does actually mean juice,” Liam explained as he led Harry back to the dining area they had passed earlier. “Grape juice, apple juice…nothing too fun.”

            “Water is totally fine,” Harry assured the guy, who smiled again.

            The two were barely seated when Zayn returned.

            “Louis is coming. We can go ahead and get our plates together.”

            “We can wait,” Harry offered.

            “That’s alright. Go ahead, Harry. Guests first.”

            Though he felt a little awkward, Harry obeyed Zayn and got his plate together. Zayn nodded at Liam to go next and then he got his own plate before filling Louis’s and setting in the empty spot. Louis entered just a moment later.

            “Oh, there you are!” Liam said happily. (Zayn and Liam were totally _that_ couple, Harry was realizing, and he low-key adored it.)

            “Hello,” Louis said to the group quickly and quietly, shooting glances to all three of them before taking his seat beside Harry. It was hard for the singer to really get a good look at the former model, what with his slightly long hair all in his face, and also due to the fact that he refused to look up, but Harry supposed he was pretty. He wasn’t really sure why Niall was so in love with him. Harry supposed he wasn’t the best person to be judging, though.

            “You’ve heard Harry’s music, haven’t you, Louis?” Zayn asked after a few moments of silence during which nobody said a single word. The man simply nodded once, eyes focused intently on his plate. Zayn had to visibly stop himself from sighing, but his fiancé smiled, turning to Harry as he said,

            “Lou is a bit shy.”

            “I’m sure he’s heard enough of me anyway,” Harry replied, shooting a quick smile to Louis who had become interested with one noodle in particular. “Tell me about yourself, Louis.”

            Zayn nodded at Harry, a small smile forming on his face then. Harry’s smile widened. Good, he hadn’t messed up yet.

            When he turned back to his soon-to-be-fake-boyfriend, he was surprised to find a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring back at him. His mouth nearly fell open because _oh. This_ was why Niall thought he was so gorgeous; because he was. Now that he wasn’t trying to hide his face from Harry, Harry could get a good, clear look, and it kind of felt like he got run over by a truck, in the best way.

            _That doesn’t even make sense, Harry_ , the man mentally scolded himself, but that didn’t really matter. Though he objectively knew when others were attractive, he had never felt the impact of seeing one’s beauty until that point. It wasn’t only the other’s eyes, either. Everything about him was pretty without being too feminine, from his petite body, to his smooth, lightly tanned skin to his button nose, to his thin, perfectly shaped lips, to his dainty little hands that nervously kept moving his silky brown hair out of and back into his face.

            “There’s not much to say about me,” he spoke to Harry for the first time and Harry immediately fell in love with his voice. It was higher pitched than he’d imagined and soft, yet had a bit of gravely tone to it. It was relaxing and enticing at the same time.

            “I don’t believe that,” Harry said, and he was glad that his voice was working properly since nothing else felt normal with him right then.

            “Um…well, I work with Liam.”

            “At his store?”

            Louis nodded.

            “Are you in the sales side of things then?”

            “Actually, I work in the main office with him. I just get online orders ready and make sure they ship and everything. And…that’s pretty much it about me.”

            “What are your hobbies?”

            “I don’t really have any.”

            “That’s not true,” Zayn spoke up.

            “Come on,” Harry urged, moving to nudge Louis, but he remembered what Zayn said about Louis not liking to be touched, and so stopped himself quickly. “Tell me. I won’t judge.”

            “Um…well…I like to sing, but I’m really, really bad at it.”

            “That’s not true either,” Zayn said, and Louis glared over the table at him.

            “Maybe we should do a duet for my new album,” Harry said to Louis.

            “Definitely not,” the smaller man said.

            “We can discuss it later,” Harry compromised with a wink. “So what kind of dates should I take my fake boyfriend on?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “I’m guessing no Italian restaurants,” Harry said, nodding to Louis’s barely touched plate.

            “Oh, no, I’m just not hungry right now,” Louis said, seemingly forcing a noodle into his mouth afterwards.

            “Hmm. You’re going to make me work for it, aren’t you?” Harry teased. Louis raised an eyebrow and then quickly back to his plate, poking around the food with a fork. Harry took that time to study Louis; to take in the body language that was hidden beneath the carefully guarded exterior.

            “You were a theatre kid, weren’t you?” he finally spoke again. Louis turned his head back to Harry quickly, looking surprised.

            “I was,” he said, also turning his body so it was facing towards Harry a little more.

            “Alright, one date will be to the theater then.”

            Harry continued to study the other man. A blush rose to Louis’s cheeks, but he was smiling a bit and he didn’t look away that time.

            “Did you play baseball?”

            Louis shook his head. Harry reconsidered.

            “Football?”

            Louis nodded, his smile getting bigger.

            “We can go to a game then, or if you like a challenge, you can try to teach me to play.”

            His faux lover didn’t verbally reply, but he was still smiling, so Harry took that as a good sign to continue.

            “I can sense some daredevil in you. How about a trip to an amusement park?”

            “I’ve never been to an amusement park before.”

            “That’s definitely on the list then.”

            “We also need to come up with the story of how you two met,” Zayn pointed out. Harry had almost forgotten that there was anyone else in the room.

            “How long are we supposed to have been dating?” Louis asked his friend.

            “Probably just a couple of months or so. I don’t want it to be too soon after…you know…everything.”

            The smile faded from Louis’s face then as he nodded and looked back down. _No_.Harry didn’t like that and he wanted to shake Zayn a little bit for making that happen. Instead, he said,

            “I was in London last year for a show if that would work. He could have gone to the concert or something. I know we weren’t supposed to be dating that long, but we could have just met then.”

            “What date?” Zayn asked.

            “Um…November second.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes.”

            Sliding out his phone, Zayn messed around a bit before saying,

            “There was no Louis sighting, real or otherwise that day, so no one could prove it isn’t true.”

            “But someone at the show would have seen Louis, even if it was just someone from the backstage crew,” Liam said.

            “True,” Zayn said. “So maybe that won’t work after all.”

            All four grew silent, thinking. Louis was the first one to speak, and Harry was once again surprised that he was talking directly to him.

            “We actually have met before.”

            “We have? I’m sorry, I don’t remember. There are so many faces…”

            “It’s okay. I probably didn’t look much like myself. It was back in February, after you’d had a radio interview with Nick. Nick Grimshaw. We met in the elevator of the hotel you were staying at…?”

            Zayn and Liam both twitched at the name _Nick_ , and Harry scrunched up his face, thinking. Finally, it hit him and his eyes grew wide. He didn’t know how he hadn’t put the pieces together before.

            Back those few months ago, after his second ever interview with Nick, the radio show host had, once again, given Harry a hotel name and room number to meet him at. As fate would have it, it happened to be the hotel Harry was staying at and just a few rooms down from his own. Harry supposed that meant he was going to be stuck in his room all day, as he didn’t even want to chance the older man seeing him. Unfortunately, there was also a couple fighting loudly close to his room. He contemplated for a bit whether he should call someone about it (he was unsure how someone hadn’t already) or just leave. He settled on the latter because nothing good ever came from getting in the middle of others’ business.

            He had been in the elevator about ready to press the ‘close door’ button when he heard a room door open down the hall, a man shout, _“Step out of that door and you’re fucking dead!”_ and then the slamming of the same door. The sound of running footsteps followed, and Harry held the elevator open. Soon, a man-Louis, apparently-gave a soft sigh of relief before stepping inside.

            “Thank you,” he said, voice hoarse.

            “You’re welcome,” Harry said.

            In retrospect, Harry supposed he should have recognized Louis right away as he’d stared at him long enough that day in the elevator. He really didn’t look like much himself, though, with a ball cap and dark sunglasses, even thinner frame and a busted lip.

            “Do you….um…do you need me to take you anywhere?” Harry had asked. Louis had shaken his head. Harry spoke again. “Are…well…are you okay?”

            “No,” Louis had said, “but I will be.”

            The words themselves were positive, but the way in which they were spoken gave Harry goose bumps, and not the good kind. Before he could think of something else to say, though, the elevator had stopped and opened its doors, and Louis stepped out and fled.

            Harry still sometimes thought about the stranger in the elevator. He’d hoped he had gotten away for good. He’d hoped he was alright.

            He had the answer to the first question now. He was still unsure about the second.

            “Yeah,” Harry finally said, and his voice was a bit weak that time. “I remember you.”

            A swarm of emotions were rising in the singer, but before he could identify them, Zayn spoke up.

            “Okay, so what’s the exact story?”

            “We met in the elevator of a hotel after Nick and I got in a fight,” Louis said. “We can just say he and I were staying at a hotel to try to spruce up our relationship or some shit like that because it was towards the end of our relationship. Harry could have been able to tell that I was upset after the fight or whatever, so he gave me his number in case I needed to talk. I didn’t use it until recently, after the break up, but we soon realized we really liked each other and you know, all that.”

            “Sounds good to me,” Zayn said.

            “Can Nick refute it?” Liam asked.

            “There would be no way he would know either way, but given the fact that he thought I had a slew of secret boyfriends, he’ll believe it more than anyone else.”

            “Does that story sound good to you, Harry?” Zayn asked.

            “Yes,” Harry said, and it did. That was how it should have gone, he realized. He should have given Louis his number in case he’d needed to talk. He should have done so much more.

            “Good,” Zayn spoke, oblivious to Harry’s internal turmoil. “But, Louis, if I may inquire, what in the hell _were_ you and Nick doing in a hotel when you live in the same city?”

            “Nick was being an ass and trying to get laid,” Louis said nonchalantly, and Harry bit his lip, taking his turn in looking down. “I thought it would be a good idea to catch him in the act. The other guy was a gentleman, though, and Nick was alone. He got mad that I found him out, of course.”

            “Liam, you really have a shitty taste in friends,” Zayn commented with a shake of his head.

            “Yeah,” Liam agreed. “Good thing I had better taste when it came to picking a life partner, yeah?”

            Zayn smiled at his fiancé before turning back to Harry.

            “Well, at least since half of that story is true, it’s a half a lie less that you’re telling the media and your fans.”

            Harry smiled slightly; weakly, and turned to look at Louis, but the other man had gone back to staring at his still-full plate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the risk of being annoying, I would just like to add that domestic violence is not ever okay. There are ways out. If you need help finding a shelter, hotline number or anything else in your area, I am always more willing to help. I can be reached most easily at www.tumblr.com/it-hurts-doesnt-it
> 
> Ignore the url, it's a happy, safe place ;) 
> 
> Anons and non-anons welcome, of course!


	4. Chapter 4

            Harry was happy. He liked Louis. He liked him a lot, actually, but he was still a little worried. There was no denying that something was a bit off about Louis, and Harry understood, he thought, but he wasn’t sure they would be able to sell the relationship to the media.

            Two days after the dinner was the ‘couple’s’ first outing, and Louis once again managed to surprise Harry.

            When the singer picked up his date from Liam and Zayn’s place, it was Louis who answered the door. His hair was styled out of his face and his clothes better fitted, showing that he was still thin, maybe a bit too thin, but that he’d definitely gained some weight from the first time Harry met him, which wasn’t a bad thing.

            When he opened the door, Louis even greeted Harry with a little smile.

            “Hi! You can come in. I’m just going to tell Liam and Zayn I’m leaving, in case the doorbell hadn’t clued them in.”

            Harry smiled and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He waited as Louis disappeared into the living room, but in to time at all, Louis was heading back to him, Zayn trailing close behind.

            “You’re ready then, Harry?” the agent asked as they approached.

            “I’m ready.”

            “Good. Have fun, but you better take good care of Lou-Lou, understand?”

            “Oh my god,” Louis said, and Harry would have typically laughed and made some sarcastic comment about Zayn being Louis’s mom or something, but the look in his business partner’s eyes was kind of (really) scary, so he assured the man he would and led Louis to the car, making sure to hold the door open for his date just in case Zayn was looking out the window. Well, and because he just wanted to.

            “Nice car,” Louis spoke as Harry pulled out of the long, long driveway.

            “Thank you,” he said. “Are you into cars too?”

            “Yeah.”

            “A car show is another date then.”

            Louis laughed a little-it was just a huff of breath, really-but it made Harry’s smile widen anyway.

            Despite the fact that Louis seemed less reserved than at the dinner, his nerves were obvious and he kept fidgeting with his hair, his shirt, his jeans, his seatbelt…

            “Are you okay?” Harry asked, hoping he didn’t receive same answer as the last time he’d asked the man that question. Fortunately, Louis replied with a simple ‘yes.’

            “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Harry told him. “It’s okay. I’ll understand, and I won’t be mad or anything.”

            “I want to unless you don’t.”

            “I want to.”

            Harry wanted to do this more than ever.

            There wasn’t an actual ‘date’ for that day planned out. The pair was simply going to walk around some high-profile areas and get themselves seen, so Harry parked by one of the more popular malls and took off his seatbelt before turning to Louis.

            “Are you ready?”

            “I am.”

            “Just let me know if you want to, like…get away or whatever.”

            “It will be fine,” Louis said, though whether he was trying to reassure himself or Harry, the singer wasn’t sure.

            The paparazzi were waiting as soon as they got out of the car, as the boys knew they would be, given the fact that Zayn had called them.

            Harry exited the car first, walking around as Louis got out so they could face the paps side-by-side from the get-go. He almost reached for the smaller man’s hand-his previous agent had told him that hand holding was the key to a press relationship; could even be better than kissing sometimes, but then Harry remembered _no touching_ and luckily stopped himself just in time.

            Admittedly, the whole thing was a little awkward, not because of Louis, but because, despite the fact that he should be used to it, several flashing camera lights going off in his face, capturing every single facial expression, was a bit uncomfortable. He did his best to look natural, though, and didn’t feel as if he was doing too badly.

            _Louis_ , a voice in the back of his head reminded him and Harry turned his head to glance at the other man and see how he was doing. If all of this was uncomfortable for Harry, it must be worse for Louis, who had been hidden from the media for so long and hadn’t been seen out since his probably highly publicized break-up. Now he was back with another man, and it started to hit Harry how much Louis was doing for him.

            He was relieved to find, though, that Louis seemed to have somehow let go of the anxiety he’d had in the car. He was relaxed, smiling when a paparazzo said something to him and walking like they weren’t being followed and yelled at other times. He was faking the calmness, Harry knew he had to be, but he had never seen Louis so at ease, and he smiled. Feeling eyes on him, Louis turned his head to look at Harry as well and smiled a smile so bright that Harry’s own grin grew. A camera went off. Good. Harry wanted that moment captured.

            Realizing that they had no destination in mind, Harry leaned down and whispered in Louis’s ear (causing even more flashes), “Want to duck into the little sunglasses shop up there?”

            Louis nodded, a small smile on his face.

            The paparazzi couldn’t enter the shop, but the lady at the counter did a double-take when she realized who had just entered her store, her mouth falling open slightly.

            “Hello! How are you today?” Louis greeted cheerfully.

            “F-fine,” she stuttered.

            “That’s great,” Louis said, giving her one of his bright smiles. She simply stared as the boys went over to the rack farthest from the windows.

            “These would look fabulous on you, Harry,” Louis commented, gently taking a pair of bright pink sunglasses aligned with silver jewels form its spot and placing them on Harry’s face. “Yeah, pink is definitely your color.”

            “Hm…I’d rather wear these,” Harry said, choosing a blue pair. “They match your eye color.”

            The lady at the register made some noise that she tried to cover with a cough and the men smiled at each other, Louis ducking his head a bit before continuing to browse.

            “I guess I should find a green pair then,” he said softly. Harry smiled, exchanging his pink glasses for the blue before helping Louis find a green pair. Just as they found some, Louis choosing his favorite and slipping them on, the worker of the shop began approaching slowly; almost reluctantly.

            “You can talk to us, love,” Louis told her. “We’re friendly.”

            The girl smiled, shoulders becoming less tense as her stride picked up speed.

            “I’m sorry to bother you,” she apologized, a slight blush on her cheeks. “I just wanted to know if I could get a picture.”

            “Of course,” Harry said.

            “I’ll take it if you want,” Louis offered.

            “Okay, but I, um, kind of wanted you both in the picture?”

            “Oh,” Louis said, and Harry rolled his eyes adoringly at the surprise on his face.

            “You’ll have to forgive him,” Harry spoke. “He’s quite camera shy for a model, but we would both love to give you your picture.”

            “Former model,” Louis corrected, composing himself. “And of course. You’re in the middle, love. But there is one condition.”

            “Oh?” she asked.

            “You have to wear these.”

            Retrieving the pink sunglasses that Harry had discarded, Louis slipped them on the fan’s face and she smiled.

            “Beautiful,” Louis told her.

            The picture took quite a bit of time to take, as Louis’s ‘selfie skills were rusty,’ but the girl didn’t seem to mind, and she and Louis kept giggling together, teasing Harry for being too tall each time Louis cut off part of his head. Harry didn’t care, of course. Zayn had definitely picked the perfect fake boyfriend him, and though it had just begun, Harry was already starting to dread the end.

            Eventually, Louis gave up and handed the phone to Harry. He got the picture the first time.

            “Isn’t he talented?” Louis gushed as the singer handed the girl’s phone back to her.

            The two ended up purchasing a pair of sunglasses each-Harry the pink since they were clearly Louis’s favorite, and Louis a pair of orange ones that matched the pink. Before they left, the nice shopkeeper asked Louis for a hug and Harry tried to quickly come up with an excuse to get his fake boyfriend out of the situation, but before he could, Louis told her that of course she could have a hug and went in for it without a flinch.

            “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she told him softly, and Harry’s mouth twitched downward because why would she say that? He composed himself in a matter of a couple seconds, before anyone could notice anything.

            “Thank you,” Louis told her. The hug ended and the men left.

            “I feel like people are going to take us so seriously now with these sunglasses,” Louis commented as they stepped outside and put on their new accessories.

            “We’re clearly all about business,” Harry agreed.

            As they continued to walk, the paps caught up to them again, along with a slew of fans. They took pictures with everyone who asked. Most seemed to be legitimate fans of both of them, but even those who clearly had a favorite kept both in the picture. A lot of them said to Louis basically the same thing that the lady in the sunglasses shop did; that they were glad he was okay or asking how he was. Harry just came to the conclusion that they were asking because of the break up and tried to push it out of his mind. _Tried_.

            Louis always assured them that he was great and passed out many hugs. Harry was a bit jealous that those random strangers got to touch him while he didn’t, though he had no idea why he felt that way.

            They ducked into shops often, both so it would look like they actually had an agenda besides flaunting their budding relationship and to catch a break.

            “Are you okay?” Harry asked every time until Louis said,

            “I am so sick of that question, so can you please stop asking before I flick you on the nose?”

            It wasn’t really a threat, but Harry got the point.

            As the afternoon wore on, things started calming down. The paparazzi moved on to whatever other story they were going to try to sell that day and the fans seemed to disperse with them, if only for the fact that the two almost blended in without a camera crew with them. They traded their pink and orange sunglasses for their original plainer ones and Harry figured they would probably head home soon, though he wasn’t quite ready yet.

            “Are you hungry?” he asked.

            “Oh, no, I’m fine,” Louis said, messing with his hair in his usual nervous way.

            “Really? Because I’m pretty sure I just heard your stomach growl.”

            Louis’s cheeks turned pink-actually pink-and he suddenly looked distressed. “I’m sorry.”

            “You’re apologizing for being hungry?”

            Louis shrugged.

            “Models,” Harry sighed but added, “I’m just teasing. I’m hungry too. Where should we eat?”

            “I don’t care.”

            “You’re still making things difficult for me then,” Harry said.

            “Sorry,” Louis apologized again.

            “Teasing you again, Lou. How does breakfast for lunch sound?”

            “That’s fine.”

            Louis’s distress followed him into the restaurant and he kept flipping the pages of the menu, his fingertips drumming the tabletop.

            “Alright, what’s wrong?” Harry asked once the tap-tap-tap threatened to drive him mad.

            “That is the equivalent of ‘are you okay’, Harry,” Louis told him. “And nothing is wrong.”

            “I can tell something is.”

            “I just don’t know what I want.”

            Harry knew that wasn’t the entire truth, but instead of starting something in public, said, “There are a lot of options.” Louis nodded and they both grew silent for a few moments.

            “What are you getting?” Louis finally asked.

            “Probably an omelet.”

            “An omelet,” Louis repeated. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

            While Harry’s version of an omelet was loaded with egg, cheese, bacon and peppers, and came with at least two sides, Louis’s consisted of egg with _a bit_ of cheese and no sides. Harry devoured his whole meal while Louis ate half of his. Harry was starting to worry-well, worry more-but he stayed quiet.

            After eating, the two walked around a little more before deciding to call it a day.

            “I haven’t really thanked you for doing this,” Harry spoke on the drive back to Zayn and Liam’s place.

            “You’re welcome,” Louis said.

            “No, really. Thank you.”

            “Really. You’re welcome. But you’re not the only one benefiting from this.”

            Harry raised an eyebrow, waiting for Louis to continue, but he never did. This guy was perplexing him more by the hour.

            Once they reached the house, Harry turned off the car and walked with Louis up to the door. Louis fumbled for his key, but before he could unlock it, the door was flung open, causing him to jump.

            “Oh, hello!” Zayn said, like he hadn’t known they were there. “I’m so glad you’re back. I hope you had fun. Louis, Liam would like your opinion on some wedding stuff if you have a minute, please. He’s in our bedroom.”

            “Okay…,” Louis said, shooting a quick glance back at his date. “See you later, Harry.”

            “See you.”

            Zayn stepped back to let Louis enter and then stepped outside, shutting and latching the door behind him.

            “How did it go?”

            “It was fine. Good.”

            “How was Louis?”

            “Nervous, but he hid it well for the paps and fans.”

            “Just nervous?”

            “I guess. He didn’t really eat much when we went to lunch, though.”

            “Yeah, that’s just Louis,” Zayn said.

            “Does he…he doesn’t…I mean, does he have an eating disorder or something?”

            “An eating disorder? No, not really.”

            “Not really?”

            “It’s complicated.”

            “But…like…is he okay?”

            “Louis is…yeah, Louis is okay.”

            Harry raised an eyebrow again, head spinning a bit. Zayn simply smiled.

            “Don’t worry, Harry. You’re supposed to be having fun with this. Louis’s just really shy, and he will relax once he knows you better.”

            Harry really hoped so.

            When Harry checked the internet that night, there were already several articles-and several comments on those articles-about Louis and him. Some of the comments were discouraging, such as, _Louis does not need to be involved with someone who is just going to cause pain_ , or _I was wondering when Harry was going to find another fuck mate. It’s been a long time (3 weeks)._ Others were positive, though, giving the two their best wishes if they really were a couple and saying how cute they looked together. Harry smiled and agreed, deciding not to focus on those negative ones. As Zayn had said, changing the public’s perception of him was going to take time, and he should be grateful that at least some were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

            Also, if he changed the background of his laptop to the picture of them smiling at each other, that was nobody’s business but his own.

            Once he had finished browsing, Harry’s first reaction was to text Louis and see if he had heard the mostly good news, but then realized that he didn’t have the guy’s number. What a good fake boyfriend he was.

            Just as he was about to set his phone down, he received a text from an unknown number.

            _Zayn said things are looking good,_ it read. A second text soon came.

            _This is Louis_

            Smiling a bit to himself, Harry saved the number quickly before replying.

            _Yeah, I was just looking_

_I wanted to but Zayn won’t let me google myself -.-_

_He won’t let me google you either, but I googled me and you popped up as well_

_Sneaky._

_Yep, and damn proud._

Louis sent back a smiley emoji and with that, the conversation was over.

            Though he knew he shouldn’t, Harry went back to Google’s homepage and typed ‘Louis Tomlinson’ into the search bar. Several suggestions came back, but Harry forced himself not to look at them, finger hovering over the ‘enter’ button.

            He erased everything and closed his laptop at the last second.


	5. Chapter 5

            Harry didn’t see or hear from Louis the next day and reminded himself that it was a fake relationship. He probably wasn’t going to see or hear from Louis outside of PR stunts. It made him kind of sad for some reason. He didn’t know why. He’d had a lot of emotions he couldn’t figure out the reason for recently and chalked it up to the stress of moving back to the other side of the ocean and changing his life all around. That would mess anyone up a little bit, Harry thought.

            The next day, a Monday, Harry had a meeting with the first record label Zayn had scheduled an appointment for. He was nervous, but the ‘good luck today’ message he received from Louis made him smile and eased his mind just a little bit.

            Zayn was going to be attending the meeting with Harry and picked him up early so they could go to breakfast, although Harry got the feeling that Zayn’s true intentions were to give him a pep talk.

            “Don’t get stressed out,” he began, though he didn’t look exactly relaxed himself. “This is only the first of many potential labels that I feel would suit you. If they don’t work out, we will simply go with someone else.”

            “It will be okay,” Harry said, reassuring them both.

            “It will be, Zayn agreed. “You’re so talented, Harry, I’ve told you that before. Anyone who doesn’t want to sign you is an idiot. We just have to make sure they offer a deal _you_ are going to want.”

            “Thank you,” Harry said, because no other words would come to him at the moment.

            “My lawyer friend is going to meet us there,” Zayn continued. “I do my best to look over everything thoroughly, and I’m sure you will too, but it’s always nice to have someone who is trained in the area helping out.”

            Harry nodded, uttering another ‘thank you.’ Zayn assured him that he was welcome.

            **********

            Why Zayn was even nervous in the first place was a mystery to Harry once they began the meeting. He was professional, but stubborn, pointing out areas that Harry was willing to compromise on and ones he wasn’t, which they had discussed prior. Before finalizing any deal, they consulted Zayn’s lawyer friend, and Harry also felt better at the fact that the label didn’t seem to be trying to play games with them.

            By the end of the afternoon, he had signed a contract that didn’t make him feel weird or sick inside, and he took that as a good sign.

            “Congratulations, Styles,” the agent said with a wide smile on his face as the pair walked back to the car. At that moment, Harry was so happy and relieved that his first response was to stop walking and pull the other man into a hug.

            “Thank you,” the singer said.

            “You’re welcome,” Zayn replied with a small laugh, returning the hug. “You got it because of your talent anyway. It wasn’t anything I did.”

            “But you were bad ass.”

            “Thank you. Now the label is going to throw you a signing party, and by my educated guess, it will be next weekend. That’s going to be the first official event you can take Louis to, so I’m going to ask one more time; are you _sure_ you want to do this with him?”

            “Yes. I’m positive. Does Louis?”

            “He does, yes. So great. We must start shopping soon for the party then. How about you, Lou, Liam and I all go to dinner tonight and then start looking for outfits?”

            “That’s fine.”

            “Wonderful. We have a couple of hours until Liam and Louis get off work, though, so I’ll send them a message about our plans. What shall we do until then?”

            The pair decided fairly quickly that they wanted to get an early start on things, and so they went back to Harry’s place to browse through songs he had written and gather some to take to the studio on his first day. Zayn seemed genuinely impressed by his work, which elevated Harry’s mood even more. His old label would rarely use his original songs, and when they did, it was a song that Harry threw together simply because he knew they would like them. The songs were never ones he had any real attachment to.

            Time went by quickly and soon, the two were startled by the sound of the doorbell.

            “Oh, it’s probably the guys,” Zayn said after quickly checking his watch. “I didn’t realize it was that late.”

            Standing from his spot on the floor, Harry smoothed out his pants and walked briskly to the door. Looking through the peephole, he saw that it was indeed Liam and Louis, and opened the door with a smile on his face.

            “Harry! Congratulations!” Liam exclaimed, his face lit with excitement as he pulled the singer into a hug.

            “Thank you,” Harry said, hugging Liam as well. “You two can come in. Zayn hired a driver and they should be arriving in thirty minutes or so.”

            Accepting the offer, the men entered the house. Liam immediately went off in search of Zayn when he heard his name called and Louis stopped in front of Harry, wringing his hands nervously behind his back as he said his own congratulations. Harry smiled and thanked him as well, briefly contemplating whether it would be a good time to attempt a hug with the smaller man. He decided against it.

            Zayn called the paparazzi again, both to tip them off that Harry had for sure been signed and to tell them where they would be celebrating that night-and with whom.

            Though Louis had seemed nervous upon first entering Harry’s house, he soon relaxed and seemed to be in a legitimately good mood. He joined in the conversation willingly that time and looked in Harry’s eyes most times, rarely ever messing with his hair or picking at his clothes, as he tended to do. Harry felt like maybe he was floating on clouds.

            Anxiety crept back into Louis at the restaurant and he began flipping aimlessly through the menu, just like he had done during his and Harry’s brunch the other day. Harry wanted to help him relax again, but he didn’t know how and glanced helplessly at the other two.

            “Lou, do you think I should get the chicken sandwich or steak?” Zayn asked. Louis thought for a moment before replying.

            “Steak.”

            “Hmm. Yeah, I agree. The chicken sandwich sounds really good too, though, so maybe you should get that.”

            Louis did, and after ordering, he seemed to be in a good mood again. When the food came, Louis ate most of his.

            It may have been the best day ever, Harry thought.

            After dinner, Zayn instructed the driver on where to go next. None to Harry’s surprise, it was some high line, extremely expensive apparel shop. He had been through fittings and such before, and he usually hated them, but he felt so positive that he wasn’t dreading it at all. In fact, he was a bit excited.

            The two couples split up once they arrived. Zayn and Liam were, of course, going to the party and so while they went to look for their outfits, Harry and Louis searched for theirs. Though the shop wasn’t huge, the real couple had soon vanished from sight, and Harry had the feeling that was intentional. While he liked Zayn and Liam, the separation was more than okay with him.

            “Should we go with blacks and grays or browns and tans?” Harry asked, scooting just a hair closer to Louis; not enough to invade his personal space, but close enough.

            “Blacks,” Louis answered, but then added, “unless you want browns.”

            “Blacks are fine,” Harry assured him. The two browsed in silence for a bit before Louis sighed.

            “I’m so bad at this.”

            “Hey, how about you pick some things for me to try on and I’ll pick some for you?” Harry suggested.

            “Okay,” Louis agreed.

            “How about this?”

            Harry had seen the blazer right away. It was black with blue lining for the collar and down the middle. The fit was tight, which Harry felt would look amazing with Louis’s petite frame.

            “Is blue your favorite color?” Louis asked, studying the blazer before taking it from Harry.

            “Huh. I guess it is,” Harry said. It hadn’t been before, but he seemed quite partial to it lately.

            “It’s a small,” Louis said after checking the size.

            “They’ll fit it to your body. Those are just guidelines. Do you think you need an extra small?”

            “No. A small is fine.”

            “Alright then,” Harry said, mildly confused, but ignoring it. He figured he may always feel that way around Louis. “Let’s find you some pants and something to wear under the blazer.”

            “You can work on that while I find you something. If you want to.”

            “Good idea.”

            While Harry searched for the other half of Louis’s outfit, Louis went to look for clothes for Harry. When they finally met up, both seemed very proud of their findings. Harry had stumbled upon a pair of tight black pants and a black satin shirt. Louis had found the same blazer, except his was all blue with black lining. The pants and shirt he picked were black as well, though the shirt was made of a different material, giving it a shiny look.

            “I love it,” Harry said.

            “Do you really?” Louis asked, cheeks turning slightly pink. Harry kind of loved that it was so easy to make him blush.

            “I really do. Trade me.”

            Handing each other the outfits they had chosen, Harry and Louis hurried to the fitting rooms. Both smiled approvingly when they stepped out. Louis’s shirt and blazer were a little big and Harry’s a little tight, but once they were hemmed, they would be perfect.

            “That was the easiest shopping adventure I’ve ever been on,” Harry commented as he watched the store employee take Louis’s measurements, his having already been done.

            “Agreed,” Louis said.

            “Well, don’t you look gorgeous?” a voice from the near distance called and the boys turned to see Liam and Zayn walking back towards them.

            “Harry picked it out,” Louis explained.

            “Good job, Styles,” Zayn complimented. “Did you have any luck with yours?”

            “Yeah,” Harry said, going over to where his clothes had been set to show the two. “Louis picked mine.”

            “You coordinate,” Zayn stated. Harry nodded, unable to stop a grin from spreading across his face. Zayn smiled a bit too, shaking his head while he said, “That’s disgustingly cute.”

            “Why don’t we ever have coordinating outfits?” Liam asked Zayn, looking a bit devastated at the fact.

            “Because we’re cool,” Zayn answered. “Besides, that’s what the wedding is for.”

            At the mention of the wedding, Liam went back to smiling. Zayn smiled too, and then turned to Harry.

            “Speaking of, your invitation is on its way. I figured you were going to be Louis’s plus one, but I sent you an invitation anyway because we want you there, and not only because you’re…with Louis.”

            “Thanks” Harry said, smiling widely again. “I would love to come. When is it anyway?”

            “November second.”

            “One hundred and ten days,” Liam added.

            “Gross,” Louis spoke up with a roll of his eyes. The engaged couple shot him a dirty look, but he shrugged unapologetically, locking eyes with Harry. Harry smiled and gave a wink, and Louis smiled, moving his gaze to the ceiling.

            Once Louis was through with being measured and everyone paid, they headed back. The driver dropped Harry off last and he was a little bit…he didn’t want to say _sad_ , but he was unhappy as Louis slid across the seat to exit the car.

            “Hey, wait,” Harry said, inspiration striking suddenly.

            “Yeah?” Louis asked, one leg out of the door.

            “Can I take you out on your lunch break tomorrow?”

            Harry’s face was suddenly turning hot for some reason.

            “I have an appointment during my break tomorrow,” Louis said.

            “Oh. Okay,” Harry said, and he didn’t want to say he was disappointed, but…okay, he was disappointed.

            “How about Wednesday instead?” Louis asked.

            “Yeah, that works,” Harry agreed, a huge wave of happiness flooding through him then. Was it even healthy to experience so many emotions in such a short amount of time? And why was he suddenly an emotional roller coaster anyway?

*********

            “Mum, I really have to go. I’m meeting Lou for lunch,” Harry said for what seemed like the fiftieth time.

            “ _Lou_ , huh?” his mother asked from the other end of the line.

            “Yes, mum.”

            “Now you have nicknames. This sounds pretty serious, Harry.”

            “Everyone calls him Lou. I told you what this is about. It’s not serious.”

            “Dear, you’ve never been a good actor. Personally, I don’t even see how anyone believed all of those other stunts. You actually look happy with this one.”

            “I _am_ happy, but it’s still not like that.”

            “Okay, but I think I need to meet this boy soon.”

            “I don’t think you ever need to meet him.”

            “Well, what if I want to?”

            “I have to go. I’m running late.”

            “Okay, okay, fine. Have fun!”

           Harry wasn’t actually running late, but he wanted to get to the restaurant early so he could order for both of them. He had noticed that whatever problem with food that Louis had seemed a bit better when someone else was in control of it. He sent Zayn a text asking what Louis’s favorite food was. It was pizza, apparently, and when asked, Zayn told him the exact toppings.

            From his window seat, about twenty minutes after he had arrived, Harry saw a cab stop by the restaurant, Louis climbing out after a couple of seconds. Perfect timing. The food had just arrived.

            “Oh, I love pizza,” Louis commented as he slid into his seat once he had been pointed in Harry’s direction. “You’re really good at this guessing game, Harry, and it’s kind of scary.”

            “I cheated this time,” the singer admitted.

            “That’s okay.”

            Louis took a sip of water before speaking again.

            “I haven’t had pizza in so long.”

            “That is a tragedy,” Harry said.

            “It is, isn’t it?” Louis asked, lifting a piece and blowing on it for a moment before taking a bite. Harry smiled. They ate in silence for a couple minutes, Harry not wanting to make Louis stop eating for even a second, but they had limited time, so he felt he should say _something._

“I could have picked you up,” he finally settled on. “You didn’t have to take a cab.”

            “That’s okay. I should have my own car again soon anyway. I would still have one if it wasn’t for that stupid wreck.”

            “A wreck?!”

            Louis froze, pizza halfway to his mouth, but recovered quickly, taking another bite and a drink before continuing.

            “Yeah, it got totaled in an accident a while ago. Everyone is okay though.”

            “Oh my god. I’m really glad everyone is alright, but that is terrifying.”

            This must have been what all of the fans had been talking about when they were asking if he was alright and such. A car wreck. Okay, that made sense, Harry supposed.

            Louis simply smiled over at the other man, and Harry developed a strange, foreign feeling in his chest. It felt good even if he didn’t understand it.

            “How are things with the label going?” Louis asked.

            “Really well. I went yesterday to record some demos and decide if we think we want to use them on the album or not, and I’m going back to the studio after lunch today.”

            “That sounds really amazing.”

            “Would you like to come with me sometime?”

            “Really?!”

            Louis’s eyes had grown wide, almost child-like, and Harry smiled. He was doing that a lot lately. He was going to need Botox, but he was alright with that.

            “Of course,” he answered Louis, who also grinned.

            “I would love to.”

            “Just say when.”

            “Whenever you want me to.”

            “I will be there late Friday if you want to come when you get off work.”

            “Okay. Yeah, I will.” 

            With that settled, the two went back to their food. Harry hoped Louis felt even half as good as he did right then.

            After finishing and paying, Harry drove Louis back to work. They kept the conversation going during the short drive. Nothing of any importance was discussed, but that was okay because Harry kind of felt like everything Louis said was actually important, and he wanted a little bit to ask him to play hooky the rest of the day, but he didn’t.

            “Tell Liam I said hi,” Harry told Louis as he prepared to go back in.

            “I will,” Louis assured him. “See you Friday?”

            “You will.”

            With a small smile and a little wave, Louis entered the building and Harry began the drive to the studio, turning on the radio to drown out the too-familiar silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just found out there's a movie about a singer called "Beyond the Lights." I had a mini panic attack until I realized those were the only two coincidences. (Although I may have to change the name when this becomes a feature film) ;)


	6. Chapter 6

            “I really need to make a trip to see you soon.”

            “Yes, Niall, you do.”

            “I’m not coming if I can’t meet Louis though.”

            “You can meet Louis as long as you promise not to make an arse of yourself.”

            “I would never. I know you and your non-existent heart can’t recognize this, but I am actually quite charming.”

            “I have a heart, you dick.”

            “What the hell is asexual then?”

            “I am not attracted to people. I’ll never fall in love, but I still _love_.”

            To be honest, Harry wasn’t sure how accurate the first part of his sentence was anymore. He had still never felt the desire to rip someone’s clothes off and take them to bed or something, but he knew that he had started to feel things he had never felt before, and he’d felt them for only Louis. He didn’t simply know that Louis was attractive, but he was attracted to him. He wanted to get to know him better. He thought about him even when he wasn’t around and he wanted to maybe take him on a real date. He wanted to make him smile.

            He had such an amazing smile…

            But all of this was confusing to Harry, and Louis was simply doing him a favor, no strings attached, so he was going to pretend like he didn’t have those feelings at all.

            “I don’t know how you can be around that and not have little Harry be even a tiny bit interested,” Niall continued.

            “You’re gross,” Harry stated.

            “No I’m not! I’m normal. You’re just…malfunctioned.”

            Harry rolled his eyes but was saved from replying by his phone buzzing to let him know he had another incoming call. Moving the device away from his ear to check the screen, Harry saw that it was Zayn.

            “Niall, I’ll call you back. Bye,” he said, not waiting for a reply before he switched over. “Hello?”

            “Hey, Harry.”

            “Hi, Zayn. What’s up?”

            “You are more than welcome to order me to cancel this, but you have a radio interview on Saturday. Is that alright?”

            “Is the interviewer Nick Grimshaw?”

            “No, Harry, of course it’s not, and I am insulted that you would think I would settle for your first interview as my client being with that scumbag.”

            “Sorry. Just making sure.”

            “You’re keeping it then?”

            “Yeah, sure. I mean, that’s great, actually.”

            “Marvelous. They’re probably going to ask you about Louis, though, you realize that, right?”

            “Yes, and I’m ready.”

            So ready.

            “You’re absolutely sure you want to do this? You can still back out.”

            “Zayn, I’m not backing out. Lou…um…he’s really still up for this though?”

            “Oh yeah. Definitely.”

            Harry let out a tiny sigh of relief.

 

            When Louis arrived at the studio on Friday, Harry was in the recording booth, but he stopped singing at once to greet the man.

            “Hey! I’m glad you came!” he said, going in for a hug but stopping last second, awkwardly running a hand through his hair.

            Louis smiled, torn between excitement and nervousness, so Harry gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

           

            “I was just about to record my first full song. Do you want to hear it?”

            With another smile, bigger that time, Louis nodded.

            “I’m doing a dry run through,” Harry told the crew. After getting the okay to re-enter the booth, Harry stepped in, smiled at Louis again and began to sing. Though he knew it may have been a bit creepy, he found it difficult to remove his eyes from the other man. Louis didn’t seem to care, though, and went between watching Harry and looking to see what the crew was doing with the soundboard. One of the team members bent down to whisper something in his ear as he showed him some technical magic trick that made Louis beam, and then Harry finally looked away, a pang of jealousy coursing through him, almost making him mess up his line, but he recovered quickly and decided to pretend he hadn’t felt that either.

            “You are so good!” Louis exclaimed when Harry stepped out of the booth a few minutes later.

            “Thank you,” Harry said, taking a seat by Louis as the crew began messing around with the finished vocals.

            “I don’t think it needs any editing,” Louis told them. “It sounded flawless.”

            A smile crept on Harry’s face, and he felt good even though knew Louis was probably greatly exaggerating and feigning adoration to solidify the relationship.

            “It was great,” one of the crew members agreed. “We’re just messing with the volume against the background music right now.”

            “Oh.”

            Louis leaned closer, watching curiously. He seemed so fascinated.

            “Do you want a go in the booth?” Harry asked.

            “Oh, no. No, no, no,” Louis said, quickly peeling his eyes away from the soundboard to look at Harry.

            “Why not?”

            “I can’t sing.”

            “Zayn disagrees with that statement.”

            “He’s the only one.”

            “I won’t laugh.”

            “No. I am not going in there.”

            “Fine,” Harry sighed dramatically. “My duet dream hasn’t died though.”

            “It’s good to have dreams,” Louis told Harry, “even if they are unrealistic.”

            “You’re a meanie.”

            “I’m doing your eardrums a favor.”

            “Alright, if singing isn’t your specialty, what is your talent?”

            “I don’t have one.”

            “Everyone is good at something.”

            “Not me.”

            “You’re breaking my heart, Tomlinson.”

            A small smile placed itself on Louis’s face and he said, “I’ve come to terms with it. It’s alright.”

            “I know you’re good at _something,_ ” Harry disagreed. “I’m going to find out what it is if it’s the last thing I do.”

            “Just go record!”

            Oh, yeah, they were in the studio, surrounded by other people. Perhaps Harry should have saved the ‘getting to know Louis’ conversation for later. Should he already know his boyfriend’s talents? Probably, but they were being virtually ignored anyway, and the label was likely used to press relationships when it came down to it. If he had to, he’d come up with an excuse to hide his naivety later.

            The more pressing issue was Harry’s tendency to forget the rest of the world when he was with Louis.

            “I _am_  going to go record, thank you,” Harry spoke teasingly and then, more seriously, “I’m going to record three demos and you have to pick the best, okay?”

            “Okay.”

            This time, instead of switching his gaze back and forth between Harry and the recording crew, Louis kept his eyes trained on Harry as he sang. At first, Louis’s expression was unreadable, but his tense facial muscles quickly relaxed, turning to a smile by the end of the first demo. Harry may have been okay with singing forever if Louis would keep looking at him like that.

            “Alright, what’s the verdict?” the singer asked as he made his way back to the man.

            “I don’t know,” Louis answered. “They were all amazing.”

            “Pick one, pleeeeeease.”

            “Hmm. Can I hear them back?”

            Harry glanced over to the soundboard, where he received a nod before his main record producer started the music. Louis listened intently and deliberated for a good minute once they were all played through before reaching his decision.

            “The first one.”

            “That was my favorite too,” Harry said. “Should I give the whole thing a go?”

            After receiving a thumbs up, Harry entered the booth once again. By some miracle, the whole thing went without a hitch and the look Louis gave him may have raised his ego a bit too much.

            They called it a night after that and Harry offered to drive Louis home. He accepted.

            “Thanks again for coming,” Harry said as he put the car in park at Zayn and Liam’s house.           

            “Thank you again for inviting me. I had a lot of fun and I think this is going to be your best album so far.”

            “I hope so.”

            Louis offered a reassuring smile before taking off his seatbelt and moving to open his door. Harry followed suit, walking Louis up to the front porch.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Louis spoke as he reached into his pocket for his key.

            “You will?” Harry asked, excited at that surprise.

            “Yeah. Zayn and I are going to watch your interview.”

            “Oh.  Great. I will see you tomorrow then.”

            Louis smiled again and Harry felt like that was where he should pull him into a hug or give him a kiss on the cheek or something, but the smaller man opened the door and with one last wave, entered the house and shut the door.

***

            “Remember, you do not have to answer any question that you are uncomfortable with,” Zayn told Harry as he was preparing to go into the interview the next morning. “It sounds like they’re going to just ask about your new music and label and such, then they are going to want a confirmation of your relationship with Lou. It shouldn’t be anything too hard-hitting, but these interviewers are sneaky sometimes. You know how to decline questions or divert them, right?”

            “Yes,” Harry assured his agent. “I can handle this.”

            “And are you and Lou sure-”

            “ _Zayn_ ,” Louis interrupted the question before it was asked. “Harry and I have not changed our minds on anything since you last asked us six minutes ago.”

            “Just checking. This is your very last chance before it gets more complicated to take back.”

            “Our relationship will be confirmed today,” Harry said. “Whatever happens after that we’ll deal with when it pops up.”

            “Aright then. Good luck,” Zayn said.

            “Have fun,” Louis added.

***

            “…and now we’re here with Mr. Harry Styles, who was just signed to a new major label, Forever Music, this past week. Hi, Harry!”

            “Hi, Amy,” Harry greeted the female interviewer with a polite smile-but not so polite as to suggest anything.

            “Congratulations on your new record deal! I bet you’re super excited.”

            “I am, yeah, and thank you. A lot is changing with this upcoming album, but I feel really good about it all.”

            “What kind of changes can we expect to see? Or hear, more accurately.”

            “I’m hoping everyone will be able to hear and see the changes I’m making, but the sound of the music is going to be a major area of notice. I’m going for a bit different vibe with a rawer feeling this time, though some of the special effects are staying. It’s still going to sound like me, just with a more serious tone.”

            “Did you not take your other music seriously then?”

            “I took it very seriously,” Harry said, not letting the interviewer deter him or put words in his mouth. “I have always been serious about my career, but my old music was a lot more light-hearted and fun. This album is going to be fun too, but I’m hoping it makes people feel things. There will be some nice, pop-ish songs still, but there will also be some ballads, and the whole thing will just be a lot edgier.”

            “I can’t wait to hear it! I’m sure it’s going to be fantastic!”

            “Thank you. I hope so, but I’m working with a great team, so I’m pretty confident.”

            “Your old label isn’t the only thing you’ve gotten rid of, is it?” Amy continued. “Rumor has it you dumped your old management team too.”

            “That’s quite harsh wording,” Harry said with a laugh. “I have parted ways with my old management, yes, but it was nothing personal. We simply disagreed on the path that my career should go, and some of those areas were unnegotiable on both of our parts, so it was in the best interest for both of us if I went elsewhere.”

            “So you found someone who better fit your goals?”

            “I did.”

            “…And is that someone Zayn Malik?”

            Harry laughed a little again, shooting a glance over at his agent before replying.

            “Yes. I am signed with Zayn and his team.”

            “Was it Zayn who introduced you to Louis Tomlinson then? Those two seem close and you seem to be getting pretty close with Mr. Tomlinson too.”

            Alright, this was it, Harry knew. He figured he should be nervous, but he wasn’t, really. He wasn’t at all. He had a fluttering in his stomach, but it had nothing to do with anxiety. Perhaps he was getting too into this lie, but there was time to think about that later.

            “No, I actually met Louis before I ever met Zayn,” the singer answered. “We’ve known each other for a few months now.”

            “Really?” Amy asked, sounding genuinely shocked and very interested. “Everyone is under the impression that this is something new.”

            Harry took a moment to glance over at Louis then, who smiled and nodded his encouragement as Harry continued.

            “We just went public, yes, as things have gotten a bit more serious, but we met in February actually.”

            “At some high profile celebrity party?” Amy asked. Harry gave yet another polite laugh.  

            “No, nothing like that. We met in a hotel elevator.”

            “A hotel elevator?”

            “Yes. I was in town for a radio interview and he happened to be at the hotel I was staying at with his then-boyfriend. There were some things going on in his personal life at that time, and he was a bit upset, so we talked a tad and then I gave him my number in case he needed to talk anymore.”

            “Oooh. That’s smooth.”

            “It wasn’t a pick up attempt,” Harry was quick to assure her. “I never expected a phone call, and I didn’t get one until about three months ago. He was doing a lot better, and he just called to tell me that, but we ended up talking for hours and made plans to, you know, hang out. We never thought things would go this far.”

            “You know I have to ask, Harry…”

            “Yes,” Harry said with a smile.

            “Are you and Louis official then?”

            “We are seeing each other yes.”

            “Congratulations!”

            “Thank you.”

            “You’re very welcome. We haven’t seen much of you two yet, but you are absolutely adorable together. You said he didn’t call you until a few months ago, though, so your relationship is pretty new?”

            “Just a couple months old, yeah, but we’re both so happy and positive about where this is headed.”

            “I’m so happy for you both. Now, for our listening audience, Louis just so happens to be in the studio as we speak!”

            “Yes, he is indeed,” Harry agreed, looking back over to his ‘confirmed’ boyfriend and waving. Louis smiled, arms crossed tight over his chest, but looking content all the same.

            “Do you think we can get him on air?!” Amy asked anyone who was listening, and Louis’s eyes widened, smile suddenly melting off as panic wrote itself across his face.

            “Oh, I don’t know about that,” Harry said, eyes flashing back to the interviewer.

            “Pleeeeease!” Amy begged. “Everyone has missed him since he’s been in seclusion!”

            The entire studio started chanting Louis’s name then, and Harry looked over at the guy, who’s eyes were flickering back and forth between Zayn and Harry nervously. Zayn didn’t look particularly happy and whispered something in Louis’s ear that Harry wished he could hear.

            “You don’t have to, Lou,” Harry said, wanting to offer his own comfort and support to the man. “Only if you want to, babe.”

            That last word just slipped out on its own accord, but Harry had no choice to go with it.

            Louis was still indecisive and so Harry added, as a means of an escape in case it was needed or wanted, “I know you haven’t been feeling well, so don’t push yourself.”

            Louis hesitated only a moment and then decided to go join Harry. The chants turned to claps and cheers as someone quickly began hooking him up.

            “Hello, Louis!” Amy greeted once he was settled in his chair.

            “Hello,” Louis said back softly; shyly.

            “How are you doing?” Amy asked.

            “I’m fine.”

            In the distance, Harry could see Zayn whisper something to a member of the radio team. The woman nodded and passed the message, whatever it was, to Amy. She nodded before turning back to Louis and smiling.

            “So, Louis, when did you actually start falling for Harry? Did you feel something right away?”

            “Not right away, no. I fell for him before I would admit it to myself, I think, but it has been a gradual thing during the past few months.”

            “So you didn’t have feelings for him while you were still dating our radio opponent, Nick Grimshaw?”

            “No,” Louis answered, mouth twitching downward slightly. It probably wasn’t noticeable to anyone but Harry, but the singer suddenly wanted to take Louis and run far away.

            “Harry has always been great right from the very first day,” Louis continued, “but I wasn’t in a spot where I could really fall for anyone else at first. Plus, I was in a relationship, and though we were having problems, we were trying to work it out and I wasn’t going to jeopardize that. As Harry said, he wasn’t looking for anything then either. He’s got such a big heart, and he could tell I just needed someone to listen, and he was willing to do that. It took me a while to take him up on that offer, and after everything happened, he continued to be wonderful and he was one of my biggest supports.”

            Harry smiled a bit at that, wishing it was true. He wished he had been there for Louis through the break up and everything else.

            “That’s so cute,” Amy gushed. “What’s next for you, Louis?”

            “I don’t really know,” Louis said. “I’m pretty content with how things are going right now.”

            “Do you think he should go back to modeling, Harry?” Amy decided to ask next.

            “I think he should do whatever makes him happy,” Harry answered, completely honest, and Louis smiled before turning his gaze to his lap and picking at his jeans. Harry kind of wanted to lift his chin up and kiss the stress away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't judge the name of Harry's supposed record label. The first five I thought of turned out to already be labels and I am out of brain juice. (This one may be an actual label too, but I couldn't find anything by the name so if so, I'm sorry and it was an accident.)


	7. Chapter 7

                The next week passed by slowly, but finally it was time for Harry’s signing party. He was excited for that, he supposed, but he had really only been counting down the days because it was his and Louis’s first ‘official’ event as a confirmed couple.

            He hadn’t seen much of Louis since the interview, as he worked late nights in the studio. Louis stopped by once, but he was also busy with both his day job and doing best man duties for Zayn and Liam’s wedding. They’d had one ‘date’ as well, in which Harry (Zayn) rented out an entire theater for them to watch a movie in private. No one would ever know they spent almost the entire movie talking.

        Harry had filled Louis in on album single and even future music video updates, and he even got Louis to talk a little bit about himself. Harry learned that Louis had been living on the streets for a couple of weeks before he met Zayn and lived with him and Liam temporarily until he met Nick. He began modeling then, but didn’t know if it really fit him, so he stopped and became a house fiancé.

        “You were engaged?!” Harry asked at that point.

            “Supposedly,” Louis had said. “He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but that was as far as we got. We never picked a date or made any plans. We never even told anyone.”

            “I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you.”

            “I’m not. It wasn’t love. I thought it was at first, but it’s clear he wasn’t in love with me at all, and I was just in love with the idea of being in love.”

            “Have you ever been in love?”

            “No.”

            “Do you ever want to be?”

            Louis paused a moment before answering.

            “Yeah,” he said, “but I’m not sure it will ever happen, or at least with anyone who would love me back.”

            “Don’t think like that, Lou,” Harry said then, gently. “Don’t let some dick head ruin it for you. It’s good to have dreams, remember?”

            “Even if they are unrealistic,” Louis added, but then he scooted in his seat, positioning his body so he could rest his head comfortably on Harry’s shoulder. The singer grew quiet at that point, terrified of scaring Louis off.

            “Is this weird?” the smaller man had asked after a moment or so.

            “No,” Harry said. “Not for me at least.”

            “Good. Me neither.”

 

            That had been the last time Harry had seen him, and sure, it had only been four days ago, but it seemed like a lot longer. He guessed he’d needed that time apart, though, because after he’d dropped Louis off that night and walked him to the door, his date standing on his tiptoes to  wrap his arms around Harry’s neck in a hug that was slightly more intimate than friendly, it had been easy for Harry to forget that it wasn’t real.

 

            A limo was picking Harry and Louis up from Harry’s house that evening to take them to the party, so Louis arrived about forty-five minutes early, already dressed in the outfit Harry had picked for him almost two weeks ago, his hair stylishly messy. Harry had never found someone _hot_ before, but there was no other word that could describe Louis besides absolutely gorgeous. Harry was actually taken aback by his beauty, or, rather, taken back by how beautiful he found him. He had a strange feeling in his stomach again; kind of like in the interview, but more intense. He wondered if they were what were called butterflies, but that couldn’t be. He was probably just coming down with something, though he didn’t feel particularly sick…

            “Um…are you okay?”

            Louis’s voice broke Harry from his trance and he realized with shame that he’d just been staring at the man, still standing on the doorstep.

            “I’m fine,” Harry said quickly. “How are you?”

            “I’m fine…”

            “Good, good. Come in. You look amazing.”

            “Thank you.”

            The cute pink tone of Louis’s blush rose to his cheeks as he smiled and stepped inside.

            “I really like your flat,” he commented. “It’s very nice, but normal.”

            “Thank you. Would you like anything to eat or drink? I still have to change, obviously, and do a few things but I’m almost ready.”

            “No, I don’t need anything, thanks. I’ll just wait here.”

            “Alright. You can have a seat or whatever.”

            Louis nodded, smiling a bit as he sunk down onto Harry’s sofa. Harry smiled, a bit manically if he was being honest, before turning on his heel and heading off to finish getting ready. He wasn’t used to doing this stuff himself, as he usually had a stylist, and he realized with horror that he was developing a damn zit that had to have popped up literally within the last ten minutes because he swore it wasn’t there last time he looked in the mirror. He may or may not have screamed with horror.

            “Harry?”

            Louis’s concerned voice rang down the hall. So he had screamed then. Well, Harry sometimes had a flare for the dramatics; just when the situation called for it.

            “Harry, what’s wrong? Where are you?” Louis called out again.

            “In here,” Harry answered, and yes, there was a bit of devastation in his voice.

            “Can I come in?” Louis asked.

            “Yes.”

            Louis entered, brow creased with concern. “I heard you scream,” he said. “What happened?”

            “This happened,” Harry answered, brandishing wildly to the atrocity on his forehead. “Was this here when I opened the door?!”

            “I don’t know,” Louis said with a small laugh, looking relieved that Harry’s problem was apparently not what he deemed a tragedy.

            “I think you would have known if it was,” Harry said. “I’m pretty sure it probably has its own heartbeat.”

            “It’s not that bad,” Louis told him, rolling his eyes, but looking utterly amused. “You have make-up, don’t you?”

            “Yes, but I don’t know how to use it! I usually have someone else doing this shit for me!”

            “Harry, you’re letting your inner diva show,” Louis said then. “Can I see your make-up, please?”

            “Why?”

            “Because I’m going to help you…”

            “I don’t want you to touch it!”

            “Well, fine, go to the party like that then. You might want to pick out a name for your friend, though, because I’m sure people will want to be introduced.”

            Words left the singer then, and he had no other response but to pout, sticking his bottom lip out as he looked at his fake boyfriend in real betrayal.

            “Oh, I’m just kidding, relax,” Louis said. “Just let me help you. Please?”

            “Fine.”

            Making sure to keep his face stony, with just the right amount of hurt, Harry opened one of his drawers and pulled out various concealers and other items his previous stylist had given him before he fled the country. She was so nice. Harry liked her.

            Louis gave the other a concerned look as Harry set the bottles down on the counter top with a little more force than necessary.

            “Are you mad at me?” he asked, voice small, not stepping forward to take the make-up.

            “No,” Harry admitted with a smile. “Did you honestly think I was?”

            And his mother said he wasn’t a good actor…

            “Yes!” Louis said to him, a relieved smile taking place on his face. “Don’t do that. Please. It was terrifying.”

            “I don’t think I’m quite terrifying, Louis.”

            “I don’t like when people are mad at me.”

            “How can people honestly be mad at _you_ though? Surely that face can get you out of anything.”

            Louis shook his head, biting down on his lip to prevent another smile and blushing again. Without another word, he walked over to examine what tools he had to work with and then told Harry to sit, as he was too tall for Louis’s ‘short little arms.’

            “You have really pretty skin,” Harry commented as Louis went to work.

            “I have make-up on too,” the guy pointed out.

            “Yeah, but still. You do.”

            “Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome. I bet you don’t even have to use anything to keep your smooth complexion, do you?”

            Louis smiled slyly. Guilty as charged.

            “I hate people like you,” Harry commented, though was sure to tell Louis he was joking soon after.

            Louis messed around with Harry’s face for a couple more minutes before he stopped and stepped back.

            “There,” he said. “You can’t even tell.”

            Bracing himself and looking into the mirror, Harry saw that Louis was right. His spot was hidden from sight.

            “You are absolutely amazing, you know that?” Harry said to the other man. That earned him blush number three for the day.

 

            Several cameras and people were waiting by the time the two arrived to the party, and screams threatened to take his hearing while flashes threatened to blind Harry as he and Louis headed inside. He didn’t know if the other man felt the same, but a smaller hand slipped itself into Harry’s own, fingers lacing tightly together. Harry’s heart skipped a beat.

            Louis kept touching him all night, being it a touch on the arm as he asked him if he wanted anything to eat or drink, or his arm wrapped around the singer’s waist as they talked to various party goers.

            “You don’t have to keep getting me things, Lou,” Harry said with a smile, wrapping his own arm around the guy’s shoulder. “I want you to have fun too.”

            “I am,” Louis assured him with a smile, “but you’re the guest of honor and you should be lavished.”

            “You’re sweet,” Harry said, dropping his arm from Louis’s shoulder to fix a stray bit of hair that was falling into the man’s face. “What about you, though? Aren’t you hungry?”

            “Oh, I’m-”

            “Fine, yeah, yeah. Come.”

            Taking his date’s hand again, Harry led him over to the dessert table.

            “These are seriously like the best cookies ever. Take a bite.”

            “I hate people like _you_ ,” Louis said with a small laugh as Harry broke a piece of cookie off and stuck it in his mouth.

            “What do you mean?” Harry asked, having to look attractive with his mouth full of sugary cookie heaven.

            “You can eat whatever you want and you’ll still be slim as ever,” Louis said.

            “Hmm. Well, everyone has their perks and everyone has their faults. Nobody’s perfect, Lou, and no one expects you to be.”

            “Hmm,” Louis hummed back noncommittally.

            “Well, maybe _you_ expect you to be, but nobody else does.”

            Harry took another bite and then continued.

            “Besides, my metabolism will catch up with me one day.”

            “And I’ll get wrinkles,” Louis added.

            “Might as well stop giving a shit now then,” Harry reasoned, holding a piece of cookie up to Louis’s lips. The former model studied it for just a moment before accepting the bite, lips lightly brushing against Harry’s finger as he forwent taking it with his hand to just have Harry feed him instead. Harry was more than okay with that.

            “That’s my boy!” Harry said proudly, and Louis legitimately giggled as he chewed, the back of his hand going up to adorably cover his mouth. Harry planned to feed him the whole treat, hoping the giggle remained, but then he was called onstage to give his guests a preview of his new music. That was the only time he’d ever regretted having to sing.

            “Here you go,” he said, handing the dessert over to Louis, who took another bite on his own accord. Harry could have kissed him.

            Louis followed Harry as he headed towards the stage, stopping by Zayn and Liam and wishing Harry good luck.

            It had been decided previously that Harry would sing the song which was the current front-runner for a first single. It was one of the newest songs that Harry had written and one of his favorites. It was also the one that Louis had chosen from its demo version, and it had been written with him in mind. Harry wasn’t sure if Louis knew that or not, but every time he glanced over, the other man was smiling.

            For the first half of the song, Harry didn’t really notice anyone else in the audience, but then it occurred to him that maybe he should gauge some reactions that weren’t from his fake boyfriend, who was supposed to look like he enjoyed it. He was pleased to find that everyone else seemed into the music as well; everyone except Zayn, who was frowning. Harry looked away quickly, setting his gaze back upon Louis.

            “That was the song from the demo!” Louis exclaimed excitedly once Harry made his was back over. As he spoke, the smaller guy threw his arms around the taller one’s neck.

            “Yes it was,” Harry replied, placing his hands gently on the other’s hips. From somewhere, a camera went off. “You picked my first single.”

            “I didn’t know that was what I was doing! That’s a lot of pressure!”

            “That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

            “You’re _so_ sneaky.”

            “I know.”

            “I have to go to the bathroom,” Louis decided to change the subject abruptly. “Do you need anything while I’m gone?”

            “Nope. Just hurry back to me, please!”

            Louis smiled, breaking free of Harry’s light grip and heading off towards the closest restroom. Zayn approached quickly, swooping in much like a hawk.

            “What was that?” he demanded.

            “What?” Harry asked in return, frowning at the unpleased expression on his agent’s face.

            “The song.”

            “My first single. Don’t you like it?”

            “We’ll talk later.”

            “Zayn-”

            “Later, Harry. Enjoy the rest of the party.”

            The man left as quickly as he came and Harry stood immobile for a few moments, trying to understand what had just happened, but he couldn’t, so with a shake of his head, he decided to stop worrying about it and enjoy the rest of the party as Zayn had instructed.

            Enjoying the party was going to be a bit difficult, he thought, when he saw Louis hurrying back towards him, his eyes wide and color drained from his face.

            “What’s wrong?” Harry asked, but Louis shook his head.

            “Let’s just…let’s just go over there,” he said, fumbling clumsily for Harry’s hand. Harry laced their fingers together and let Louis lead him away, but he wasn’t about to give up that easily.

            “Lou, you’re shaking,” he noted worriedly. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

            “Nick is here,” the other guy sighed, continuing to head far away from where they had been.

            “What?” Harry said, even though he’d heard him perfectly well. “Why is he here?”

            “I have no idea. He must have friends in the label, I guess, or someone thought it would be good publicity.”

            “Zayn wouldn’t-”

            “No, of course _he_ wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean no one else would.”

            “Do you want to get out of here?”

            “We can’t do that, Harry.”

            “Yes we can.”

            Louis shook his head again, switching directions and walking until he found Zayn and Liam.

            “Lou, what’s wrong?” Liam asked, both men frowning at their friend.

            “Nick is here,” Louis explained. Liam’s face creased with concern, but Zayn’s expression turned homicidal. Admittedly, Harry was a bit frightened.

            “I’ll take care of this,” the agent said flatly, handing his cup of water to his fiancé before marching off.

            “Did Nick do anything?” Liam asked Louis softly. Instead of answering, their friend swallowed and glanced over at his faux lover before saying,

            “I need to go to the bathroom.”

            “But you just-”

            “I didn’t get to go because I ran into Nick.”

            “Alright. I saw a bathroom back the other way earlier. I’ll show you.”

            Louis nodded and, hands still laced together, Harry took the lead that time, stopping in front of the restroom.

            “I’ll be out in one minute,” Louis said, taking his hand back and heading inside.

            “Are you sure you’re alright?” Harry called after him.

            “My bladder is just about to explode and create quite a scene, but yes, Harry, I’m fine.”

            Harry smiled to himself, a little bit comforted by the fact that Louis’s sarcasm, which he’d recently gotten a couple peeks at, had made another appearance.

            Leaning against the wall to wait, Harry let his mind drift off, if only for a moment or two. He thought it was funny now that he at first questioned Zayn’s choice of a fake boyfriend because Louis was perfect. He hoped that, when all of this was over, they could still be friends.

            That was, if it had to end…

            Before Harry could let his mind wander down that path, he was rudely pulled from his thoughts by a loud, slurred voice yelling,

            “Hey, boyfriend stealer!”

            Blinking a few times, Harry looked around until he saw Nick approaching.

            “Where’s Louis?” the radio host continued.

            “First of all, I’m not a boyfriend stealer. This isn’t the school yard. Secondly, and most important, it is not your business where Louis is.”

            “Well, I’m guessing in there,” Nick said, slightly unfocused eyes traveling to the restroom’s entrance. “Excuse me.”

            “I don’t think so,” Harry said, grabbing onto Nick’s arm to keep him from entering. “Louis doesn’t need your help.”

            “I think he does,” Nick disagreed, actual smirk on his face. Harry didn’t know exactly where Nick was going with that, but he knew it was nowhere good.

            From inside of the bathroom, the men heard a flush and Harry knew he had to hurry and get Nick out of there.

            “Look, Nick, you and Louis are over, and I’m sorry for your loss because you really did lose a great guy, but you need to let it go, and you need to leave.”

            “I’m allowed to be here,” Nick said. “I was invited.”

            “Nick, please.”

            “No.”

            Before Harry could try anymore, Louis began to emerge from the bathroom, but upon seeing Nick, turned on his heel and hurried back in.

            “Lou-Lou, come here!” Nick whined, following his ex-fiancé back into the bathroom. Harry, of course, trailed close behind.

            “Lou!” Nick said, harsher, when Louis didn’t acknowledge him and headed towards a stall to lock himself into. The older guy reached him before he could and grabbed onto the other’s wrist. Louis gasped and jumped, turning to stare at his ex with horror.

            “Let go of him!” Harry ordered, but he was ignored. Shoving past the singer roughly, Nick dragged a squirming Louis out of the bathroom. Running after them, Harry caught ahold of Louis’s free hand, but he didn’t have a chance to pull him from the other’s grasp because Nick turned and shoved him roughly in the chest, knocking his breath out of him for a couple of seconds. People were starting to become aware that something was going on, but instead of helping, they stood and watched, a mix of intrigue and fear on their faces. Sometimes, Harry really disliked the human species as a whole.

            “Nick, get off,” Louis said, still struggling to break free.

            “I just want to talk, Lou.”

            “Well, _I_ don’t want to!”

            “Damn it, Louis!” Nick screeched, letting go of Louis’s wrist to throw him against a wall, his own body blocking Louis from getting away, or from anyone getting to him. He was yelling then, so everyone within a reasonable distance had turned to see what was going on.

“I love you, Louis!” Nick continued. “Don’t you love me too?!”

            “No,” Louis said in a voice that was probably too soft for most to hear, but they got the point by Nick’s next reaction.

            “I _made_ you, you ungrateful bitch!” he yelled, dragging Louis away again. “You owe me! Now, we’re going to go home and-”

            “Get off of me!” Louis screamed, thrashing around, but it just made Nick grip him tighter. Harry, who had continued the chase, tried once again to pull him off, but he was elbowed in the stomach hard and fell to the ground.            

            “Stop!” Louis screamed louder. “He didn’t do anything! Leave him-mmph!”

            Louis’s words were cut off as Nick clamped a hand over his mouth, lifting him around the middle with one arm and carrying him, kicking and screaming, towards a car. Harry stood, causing only a mild pain in his stomach, and began the chase yet again. Why wasn’t anyone else helping? Where were Zayn and Liam?

            Somehow, Louis managed to break free from Nick, falling down onto his hands and knees on the pavement. He didn’t even hesitate; just stood and began running. Nick was quick, though, and he caught up, putting a leg out to make Louis fall to the ground once again and then grabbing onto both of his tiny wrists. Harry had almost reached them when a security guard grabbed him, holding him back.

            “Don’t stop _me_ , you fucking idiot!” Harry yelled, feeling only half present in his body at that point.

            “Louis, stop! What’s wrong with you?” Nick’s loud, drunken voice reached Harry’s ears easily, followed by Louis’s quieter, but desperate one.

            “Nick! Please!” he cried out. “Stop, please! You’re hurting me!”

            That did it. _You’re hurting me._ Those three words made Harry literally see red, and by some miracle (or thanks to the adrenaline running through his body), Harry pulled himself away from the guard and tackled Nick from the side, sending him falling off Louis and onto the street beside them.

            “Didn’t you hear him, you god damn douche bag?!” Harry screamed, dizzy from how angry he was. “He said you were hurting him!”

         “I heard him,” Nick said calmly, somehow still smirking as he was pinned down helplessly in the street. The camera flashes were going to give Harry a migraine, he just knew it, but he ignored them as he stood and lifted Nick by the collar of his shirt, afterwards slamming him against the car he’d almost had Louis to.

            “HARRY!” Louis screamed, but Harry couldn’t focus on that right then.

            “ _Never_ touch him again, do you understand?!” he yelled straight until Nick’s face.

            “Oh, yeah, your relationship is still pretty new,” Nick commented, almost bored. “You’ll see someday that Louis just needs put in his place sometimes.”

            Words failed to form in Harry’s brain then, so instead of replying verbally, he punched the sorry excuse for a man instead. He heard Louis scream his name again, but ignored him, watching Nick fall to the ground, blood instantly pouring from his nose. It rejuvenated Harry, and he was about to kick him in the ribs for good measure, but he was yanked away, falling against someone else.

            “No! Let go of me!” he yelled, trying to pull away, but the person wasn’t letting up.

            “Calm down!” a voice said exasperatedly. It was a familiar voice. Liam.

            “He’s not worth it, Harry,” his friend continued. “Are you hearing me?! He’s not worth it!”

            Slowly, Harry stopped struggling against the other’s hold and eventually let himself be dragged blindly away. As they walked, Harry’s breath and vision returned to normal, and he only then noticed that Louis was nowhere in sight.

            “Where’s Lou?” he asked.

            “I don’t know,” Liam said. “He ran.”

            Harry kept looking around, trying to get a glimpse of his fake boyfriend, but instead, he only saw Zayn running towards them, looking homicidal again.

            “What the fuck, Harry?!”

            “Nick is crazy!” Harry exclaimed.

            “And you’re stupid,” Zayn said.

            Harry was about to ask him what he meant by that-Zayn should have been on his side, he thought-but Zayn sighed and excused himself to search for Louis. Harry turned to Liam then, who looked more worried than ever.

            “I was just protecting Louis,” Harry defended himself.

            “I know,” Liam said, giving Harry’s shoulder a light squeeze. He didn’t hate him, at least.

            The two hid out in a room on the second floor of the building they were in and when Zayn arrived with Louis about ten minutes later, it was clear Louis had been crying.

            “Lou!” Harry sighed in relief that they had at least found him. “Are you okay? Let me see your wrist.”

            “No!” Louis gasped, holding his wrist tight against his chest when Harry reached for it. “Don’t touch me. Please.”

            Harry frowned. He knew that he had to be traumatized from what had just happened, but he wasn’t the one who hurt Louis. They had been making such good progress, and Harry didn’t think it was _all_ for the cameras, but now they were back to the beginning.

            Zayn contacted help who got the four out to a limo undetected, and they rode along silently back to Zayn and Liam’s; the only noises being Louis’s occasional sniffles or small, heartbreaking cries. Harry desperately wanted to say or do something-anything-to make him feel better, but, while the smaller man was leaning against Zayn and the agent was playing comfortingly with the back of his hair, the singer’s touch was clearly unwanted, so he folded his hands and looked out the window opposite of them, getting lost in his thoughts again.

            He didn’t regret anything he did that night because he knew he would do it again, but the question was why. He was a calm person by nature and hadn’t thought he had a violent bone in his body. The rage he felt, though…he had never felt anything like it before.

            Of course, he had also never felt what he felt for Louis for anyone else before.

            He’d never found himself falling in love.

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly, I also have a flare for the dramatics sometimes. Sorry about that ;)


	8. Chapter 8

            Louis didn’t so much as glance in Harry’s direction the rest of the way home or when they reached the house and slid out of the limo to go inside. Zayn led him straight upstairs, only briefly turning to Harry to tell him to stay; he wanted to talk in a few minutes. Harry outwardly sighed, but let Liam lead him gently by the shoulders to the living room.

            “Is he dropping me?” Harry asked, following Liam in sinking down onto the couch.

            “No,” Liam answered simply, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, clearly worn out from the excitement of the evening. Harry was too keyed up to be exhausted, or even tired in the least bit, so he looked around as a means to distract himself and took in all of the pictures the couple had sitting on the end tables and hanging on the walls.

            “Is that you and Zayn?!” he asked when his gaze fell upon a picture of a couple of little kids, no older than six or seven, who greatly resembled the two, sitting on a park bench and beaming up at the camera as the one who looked like a mini Zayn held the Liam child close by the hips.

            “It is,” Liam answered with a smile as he leaned up to see what Harry was looking at.

            “You’ve known each other a while then.”

            “Since we were three.”

            “Have you always been an item then?”

            “Pretty much, yeah. We had a fake wedding soon after that picture was taken, and everyone thought it was just something cute we were doing, but it was commitment to us, and we’ve stuck to it.”

            Harry smiled, and Liam returned it before changing the subject.

            “Did you see that one?” he asked, pointing to a picture frame that Harry hadn’t come across yet. It took a minute for Harry to realize why Liam was singling that one out, but when he did, his mouth dropped open a bit.

            “Is that Louis?!”

            That was a stupid question, Harry supposed, because it was pretty obvious that it was Louis when he looked at it close. The picture couldn’t have been more than a few years old, so it wasn’t like Louis had aged greatly or anything. In fact, most of the changes he’d made were internal, but it was reflected in his outward appearance.

            Both versions of Louis were beautiful by standard definition, but while the one Harry knew was more reserved, trying to hide his beauty from the world, the Louis in the picture let it shine. His hair was shorter and out of his face, showing off his bright blue eyes and entrancing everyone who looked at him. He weighed a little more, in muscle and natural curve, but flaunted his perfect physique with well fitted clothes that were probably made just for him. Both Liam and Zayn were in the picture as well, smiling as they each had an arm around their friend, who was also smiling; a full, wide smile, clearly having the time of his life. There was no shyness; no fear.

            “Yeah,” Liam answered Harry’s question after what seemed like a thousand years later. “That was about five months after we met him, at a New Year’s Eve party. _His_ New Year’s Eve party.”

            “What happened?” Harry asked, and he wasn’t sure if he actually meant to say that out loud, but he wasn’t taking it back now that it was out of his mouth.

            “Nick happened,” Liam sighed.

            “How bad was he?”

            “Pretty bad,” Liam answered, nervously messing with the engagement band on his finger, eyes focused on the metal like he’d never seen it before in his life. “Maybe worse than we’re aware of, I don’t know. Lou doesn’t like to talk about it. Zayn and I had no idea what was going on until it was over. We knew Nick could be an ass hole, but not actually abusive.’

            ‘Things were alright at first, I think. Zayn and Nick didn’t ever really like each other, but they set aside their differences and we would go on double dates all the time. Louis seemed really happy for a little while, but then things slowly started to change. The double dates came to an end. Nick just stopped coming around and soon, Louis did too. We rarely saw him, but when we did, he was like a whole different person. He was quiet and reserved, and he’d lost weight. When we asked him about it, he blamed it on the stress from his job. We thought that was a little strange because he seemed to enjoy modeling, but it wasn’t like it was an unreasonable excuse, so we let it go.’

            ‘Louis was always really into music, and he was Zayn’s first client when he got promoted to the position he’s in now. He got him a deal with the label you’re with, but the day they were supposed to finalize everything, Louis backed out.”

            “But why?” Harry asked, a heavy feeling in his chest. “And why did he stay with Nick if he was that bad?”

            “Nick broke him down. Turns out, on top of having a violent temper, he was a control freak. He wanted Louis all to himself, so he brain washed him until he cut off all ties with his friends. He wanted him out of modeling so no one else could lust after him, and so he convinced Lou he needed a diet. Nick would tell him when and what he could eat, and it wasn’t near enough, but when Louis cheated and went against Nick’s rules, and Nick found out, he would tell him he was never going to lose weight like that. He told Louis he was going to be fired if he kept letting himself go, so Louis quit before that could happen…like it was an actual possibility that it would happen. Then, when he was getting into his music career, Nick somehow convinced him that he couldn’t sing. He said he was only being signed because Zayn had friends in the label. He said he would embarrass himself and end up being a joke and I don’t know why Louis believed him, but he did.’

            ‘After all that, he couldn’t really leave, at least in his mind. He was jobless, and the money he did have from his modeling was being drained by his dick of a boyfriend. He doesn’t really have a family, and he could have come back with Zayn and me, of course, but until he had no choice, he wouldn’t. He thought he’d be a burden. Nick had him trapped.”

            “Jesus,” Harry spoke, voice soft. A bit of the rage he’d felt earlier was creeping back up, but mostly he was just devastated for Louis. He hadn’t deserved that. No one deserved that, but someone who had clearly held so much light shouldn’t be beaten down until there was no brightness inside anymore.

            Harry wondered if he could bring any of it back.

            “You should have known the old Louis,” Liam continued, that sad smile taking form again. “He was so open and sociable. He was so… full of life.”

            “I wish I had known him,” Harry admitted.

            “I’m sorry,” the other man sighed then.

            “What are you apologizing for? It’s not your fault.”

            “It kind of is,” Liam said, chewing hard on his bottom lip.

            “How would any of that be your fault, Liam?” Harry asked, trying to sound reassuring. Nick was the only one to blame here.

            “I introduced them,” the man continued.

            “So?”

            “I set them up on a blind date with each other.”

            “Okay, but you didn’t know that Nick would be like that, did you?”

            “No, of course not, but Zayn had a bad feeling about it. He’s usually right with his feelings about people and situations, and he told me not to do it, but I did it anyway. I had a bad feeling about it too, if I’m being completely honest. I didn’t know Nick was like _that_ , but I knew he had issues. He was going through a hard time, as his mother had just died, and I thought Louis could help.”

        “Well…that’s understandable,” Harry said, squeezing the other’s shoulder comfortingly like he had done for him earlier.

        “I did it for selfish reasons too,” Liam went on.

            “What do you mean?”

            “I loved Louis; still do and always have, but _everyone_ loved Louis. _Everyone_ ; including Zayn. And I know he wasn’t _in love_ with him or anything, but Zayn was definitely a bit smitten. Everything Louis did was amazing in his eyes, and I was jealous. It’s stupid, I know, and I tried to tell myself that I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t change the way I felt.’

            ‘We were all planning to move out of our small flat into a bigger place, where Louis would actually have a bedroom because he’d been sleeping on our sofa for months. This is terrible, Harry, but…I didn’t want him to come. I just wanted it to be Zayn and me, you know? So I set him up with Nick, hoping that they would hit it off quickly, and they did. If I had known things would turn out like they did, I never would have done it.”

            “I know you wouldn’t have,” Harry assured the man. Though a part of him wanted to be mad at Liam, he just couldn’t. Nothing would change, and the logical part of Harry knew that he hadn’t meant for Louis to get hurt. Nick was still the only one to blame in this situation.

            Harry really wanted to punch Nick again.

            “You’re being very nice about all of this,” Liam commented, looking confused about it.

            “Did you want me to be mad or something?” Harry questioned.

            “No, I didn’t want that, but I expected it.”

            “But you still told me.”

            Liam shrugged.

            “It felt right,” he said.

            “It wasn’t your fault. Do you think Louis would still be your friend if it was?”

            “I don’t know. Zayn broke up with me when I first told him why I really wanted those two together.”

            “What?!”

            It was hard for Harry to imagine Liam and Zayn not being together. Everything about them just fit, and while he could understand Zayn being upset for many different reasons, he thought breaking up was a bit extreme.

            “Yeah, he did,” Liam sighed.

            “Well, he obviously came around because now you’re getting married!” Harry pointed out with a smile, sensing that the other man was starting to get stressed about this conversation.

            “Louis set us back up,” Liam continued, smiling a bit bigger. “It was a blind date and I only agreed because I thought he was trying to get revenge on me for, well, you know. When I got to the restaurant though, it was Zayn waiting at the table. We both freaked out, of course. It had been a month since we’d seen each other, and it was amazing and painful at the same time. I’m sure we made quite a scene in the parking lot, with Zayn yelling at Louis over the phone and me crying, but it all worked out. Louis asked us if we would have wanted to see anyone else there, and the answer was no. We talked for a while then and knew we would never want anyone else, so the obvious solution was to let things go and get back together.”

            “I’m glad you two reconciled.”

            “Thanks. Me too, but the point of all that was…well…Louis is a really great person, even if he doesn’t show it all the time, and he hasn’t deserved any of the bad things life has given him. I’m glad he has you, even if it’s for a different purpose than what everyone else thinks.”

            “I’m glad I have him too,” Harry replied, and why did he feel choked up all of the sudden?

            Luckily, he held it together, and a moment later, Zayn entered the room, reminding Harry that he was not there for social hour.

            “How is Louis?” he asked, standing the moment he saw the man enter.

            “Alright,” Zayn answered with a half a shrug. “I finally got him calm. Or, the Ativan did.”

            Zayn sighed.

            “Harry, what were you thinking?”

            “Nick hurt Louis and I was thinking he needed to pay,” the singer answered with blunt honesty.

            “As a friend, I agree, but as your agent, I hope you know it was a mistake.”

            “I’d do it again.”

            “Nick could press charges, Harry. According to the reports, you broke his nose. That is assault.”

            The heaviness of the situation should have been settling in, but Harry couldn’t help it; he was _glad_ that he may have caused that much damage to the other. Compared to what he had done to Louis, it was nothing. His nose would heal, but Louis may never do the same.

            “Stop looking so smug!” Zayn exclaimed, hands flying up in the air with exasperation.

            “It’s going to be fine, Zayn,” Harry said. “There were plenty of witnesses who could tell that I was defending Lou.”

            “It was defense when you pushed him off. There was no danger when you punched him.”

                “You should have been a lawyer. Don’t you think so, Liam?”

            “Harry!” Zayn groaned, causing his fiancé to hide his grin and shake his head at Harry instead.

            “Okay, okay,” Harry sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m still not sorry I did it, but I’m sorry I got you lot into this mess.”

            “Let’s just hope this blows over. Nick is going to be humiliated when he sobers up, so he may just be eager for it all to simmer down. Either way, we’ll deal with it. Right now, we have another problem.”

            “What’s that?”

            “Your ‘boyfriend’ is afraid of you.”

            “Why?” Harry asked, smugness fading. “I was protecting him.”

            “Yes, but you lost it and went overboard. I don’t think it’s a secret any longer that Nick has a temper and Lou saw you doing to someone else what his ex did to him.”

            Harry sighed. It was ridiculous for Louis to be afraid of him because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt him, but he understood. He’d needed comfort, not revenge.

            For the first time that night, regret starting creeping in.

            “Can I talk to him?” he asked Zayn, fully expecting a no.

            “Yes,” Zayn answered instead, “but I’m coming too.”

            “Yeah, of course.”

            Zayn abruptly spun on his heel, leading the singer, who gave a quick wave to the man’s fiancé, upstairs and stopping by a door, nodding towards it to signal that it was the room they wanted.

            Raising a sweaty hand-he was suddenly so nervous-Harry knocked a couple of times before calling out softly,

            “Lou? It’s Harry…and Zayn. Can we come in, please?”

            There was a long pause, and the two men outside of the room glanced at each other.

            “Maybe he fell asleep,” Zayn said to Harry before trying to call out to his friend himself.

            “Lou? You alright?”

            “You can come in,” a slightly slurred voice said from the other side of the door. Harry didn’t hesitate in pushing on the woodwork, stepping inside with Zayn right behind him. Louis was in bed, lying flat on his back and staring at the ceiling, eyelids drooping every few seconds before being forced open again.

            “Lou,” Harry said softly. The man didn’t respond, but anxiously tightened a fist around the sheets, so Harry guessed he was listening.

            “I’m really sorry I freaked out on Nick,” he went on. Still, Louis said nothing. Harry continued. “I know I crossed the line, but I would _never_ do that to you or anyone else. I’ve never actually been in a fight, it’s just…I couldn’t stand seeing him treat you like that. Yes, I snapped, but only because if it’s one thing I hate, it’s people treating others badly just because they think they can and you…you’re so nice and a truly good person and you didn’t deserve that, Lou. _None_ of it. So I’m sorry, I am. I was trying to help you, but instead of listening when you told me to stop, I let those feelings take over and that I do regret because I should have been doing what you needed and not what I wanted. I really hope this doesn’t change anything, but if it does, I understand.”

            For a moment, Harry thought Louis went back to ignoring him because he was met with only silence, but then Louis spoke again, voice becoming more slurred.

            “I’m sorry I ruined your party.”

            That hadn’t been the reply Harry had expected, and he thought that maybe he hated it more than if Louis had told Harry how stupid he was, or that he wasn’t putting up with him anymore, because Harry had messed up, not Louis. Yet here Louis was, blaming himself for things that were out of his control.

            “You didn’t ruin anything, Lou,” Harry told the smaller man. “Nothing that happened tonight was your fault and besides, I think the night was pretty awesome despite everything.”

            “I really like your song.”

            At the mention, Harry felt Zayn fidget beside him, but ignored it for the time being.

            “Thank you. I’m glad you do.”

            “I’m tired,” Louis said then. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

            “That all depends on if you want to.”

            “I do.”

            “Alright. What do you suggest we do tomorrow?”

            “We’ll figure it out.”

            “Okay. Good night, Louis. Thank you for being my date.”

            A small, very sleepy smile spread across Louis’s face. Harry took that as his cue to go and turned to the door.

            “Night, Lou,” Zayn said. “You can come get Liam and me if you need to.”

            Louis didn’t answer, seeming to already be out, so Zayn shut off the light and cracked the door as he followed Harry back to the hall.

            “In here,” the agent whispered and led Harry to a room on the other side of the house. Upon entering, Harry saw that it was a study. Of course they had a study.

            “Okay, so what’s wrong with my song?” Harry asked as soon as the door was shut. He knew he couldn’t expect everyone to like it, but Zayn could have at least pretended he didn’t absolutely _hate_ it.

            “Nothing is _wrong_ with your song, Harry,” Zayn said.

            “Then why are you so unhappy with it?”

            “I’m not…It’s not like…Look, it’s a great song, but I’m not sure it’s entirely…well…appropriate.”

            “What do you mean ‘not appropriate’?”

            “It just sounds pretty specific for one specific person.”

            “Because it is.”

            Zayn frowned.

            “Fake dating doesn’t entail romantic songwriting for your fake boyfriend.”

            “It does when you’re a singer who said his next album will be the most personal and from the heart, and you just started dating someone you’re supposed to fall in love with. Or make people believe you fell in love with.”

            He didn’t mention that he had wanted Louis to hear the words to the song. He wanted him to hear how beautiful he was. He wanted him to know that he didn’t have to be afraid anymore; that he wasn’t alone. Those things were better left unsaid, he thought.

            “Just…Just be careful with Louis, alright?” Zayn pleaded, his eyes wide and filled with something that looked a bit like fear. “He’s vulnerable, and I don’t want him falling for someone who won’t return the love to him again.”

            “Okay, and I get that, but who says I wouldn’t?”

            Zayn’s eyes widened further, and there was definitely at least apprehension on his face.

            “You did,” he said. “You told me you aren’t attracted to people; that you can’t fall in love. _You_ wanted something completely platonic and just for press.”

            “Maybe I was wrong,” Harry said, heart picking up speed. He had recently admitted these feelings to himself, but saying them held a different magnitude. He wanted to say it, though. He needed to.

            “Louis isn’t ready,” Zayn continued once he’d stopped gaping at Harry like he’d just revealed the secret to the universe.

            “How do you know?”

            “I just do, Harry!” he exclaimed, and stormed away, leaving the singer to stew all by himself. He wanted to be mad at Zayn then, he really did, but deep down he knew that he was right. Louis wasn’t ready to let someone get that close to him; especially Harry, and that hurt a lot more than it should.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry if this made no sense. School + new job=fried brain. Buuuuut it's been a while since I posted so I needed to write and post something! :)


	9. Chapter 9

            Deciding it best to lay low for a little while, Louis and Harry chose to have a movie marathon with Zayn and Liam the next day. Harry had expected to get a phone call from Zayn or Louis before he left, saying that his fake boyfriend had changed his mind and didn’t want to see him anymore, but the only phone call he received was from Niall, congratulating him for “pummeling that cunt.”

            Liam answered the door when Harry arrived, greeting him cheerfully and inquiring how he was doing and if his hand hurt yet. Besides that, though, it was pretty quiet, and Harry would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little bit awkward. His talk with Zayn hadn’t exactly ended on good terms the previous night, and while he thought things with Louis had gone amazingly well, he was realizing that maybe it had been due to the Ativan because Louis still seemed distant, curled up on himself on one end of the couch; the only words he said to Harry being a quiet and shy, “Hello.” It had been less than twenty-four hours, Harry reminded himself. If things weren’t going to be okay, he wouldn’t be there, but all he wanted to do was make things up with Zayn and pull Louis close, telling him reassuring things to make that sad look on his face go away. Instead, he sat there quietly, only half paying attention to the television.

            “Alright,” the singer finally spoke once the credits of the second movie started rolling. “What’s the verdict with the fight?”

            “Most people are on your side,” Zayn said, turning his body slightly away from Liam so he could face his client. “Nick is refusing to comment, and I haven’t answered any calls yet either. He most likely isn’t pressing charges, though, or we would have heard by now.”

            “Wait, he couldn’t really do that, could he?” Louis asked, sitting up then and looking back and forth between Harry and Zayn nervously.

            “Probably,” Zayn said.

            “But that’s bullshit!”

            “Harry technically assaulted him.”

            “Yeah, but…”

            Louis trailed off, shaking his head instead of finishing that thought.

            “I’m going outside for a minute,” he said, and abruptly left the room. Zayn started to stand as well, but Liam grabbed his arm gently.

            “Just give him a minute.”

            Zayn didn’t look too happy with that suggestion, but he settled himself back in his place next to his fiancé anyway.

            Five minutes passed and Louis still hadn’t returned, so Harry said he would go check on him. To his surprise, they let him go.

            Louis wasn’t out front, so Harry searched until he found a door leading to the back, where he saw Louis sitting on the porch swing, pushing himself lightly with his feet and gazing into space, lost in his thoughts.

            “Hey,” Harry said as he approached, causing the other to jump. “Sorry. Can I sit?”

            Louis nodded, stilling the swing so Harry could safely take a seat.

            “Are you alright?” the singer continued.

            “Yes,” the other answered simply.

            “How’s your wrist?”

            “Bruised.”

            Harry fought off another surge of anger.

            “You never deserved any of that, Louis. I hope you know that.”

            Louis paused for just a moment before he let out a humorless laugh.

            “I bet you didn’t think your fake boyfriend would come with so much baggage.”

            “Just because we’re not real boyfriends doesn’t mean we can’t really be friends,” Harry told him.

            “You don’t want to be friends with me,” Louis retorted.

            “I do,” Harry said, though he really wanted to be more.

            Louis only sighed.

            “Do you not want to be friends?” Harry questioned.

            “I like you, Harry,” Louis said, “but I just think you deserve better. You shouldn’t have to be burdened by my mess of a life.”

            “I think I deserve what I want,” Harry argued lightly. “I want you, Louis. I mean, you know, as a friend. And there’s no one I would rather be in a fake relationship with either.”

            Louis seemed to not know what to say about that, but he was saved by the sound of the back door opening.

            “Sorry for interrupting,” Zayn’s voice called, though when Harry looked over at him, he didn’t look particularly sorry. “I have someone on hold,” the agent continued. “They’re from a very reputable morning talk show and they want to know if you would be up for an interview; both of you.”

            “Together?” Harry asked. Zayn nodded.

            “If you go on with it, we’d have to travel to America; New York to be exact, and we’d be leaving tomorrow morning. I understand if you want to stick with places that are closer, but I figured that show would reach a wider audience. It’s totally up to you two, obviously. Lou, Liam gave the okay for you to miss a few days of work already if you do want to do this.”

            Harry glanced over at his fake boyfriend, who nodded.

            “Okay,” he said to Zayn.

            “Great. I’ll go get everything set up.”

 

       Their flight was early the next morning, so when the three of them, plus Liam, arrived to New York, it was only the middle of the afternoon. Most of the time on the plane was spent sleeping, so the boys were full of energy when they reached their last stop. They went together to drop off their luggage at the hotel before the couples split up. Harry and Louis had a couple of bodyguards that time, but they stayed far enough ahead and behind to give the two a bit of privacy.

            The change of scenery seemed to be doing Louis some good, and he was relaxed that day. (Or, at least, relaxed in Louis terms.) They went shopping first, buying various outfits for the interview and deciding they would pick the winners in the morning.

            “Oh, I’ve got this,” Harry said as Louis took out his wallet to pay for his own clothes.

            “It’s okay, Harry,” Louis said. “Liam pays me well. I think he’s trying to get me out of his flat.”

            “I don’t think that’s true,” Harry said with frown. Louis rolled his eyes, an amused smile on his face.

            “I was kidding. He’s just paying off his guilt, which is stupid, but as long as he’s not putting himself in the poor house, I’m not complaining, I suppose.”

            The statue of liberty was the their next stop after taking their shopping bags to the hotel because Louis claimed that one couldn’t visit New York without climbing to the top.

            “Wow,” he breathed as they finally reached the top. “That was a lot easier a couple years ago. I’m getting old.”

            “I told you to take it slow, but _someone_ had to run up the first one hundred steps,” Harry teased.

            “We were racing,” Louis said.

            “No we weren’t.”

            “I never claimed to be the brightest bulb,” Louis sighed, leaning his exhausted little body into Harry. Giving a small, admiring laugh, Harry wrapped his arms around the other. Then, and only because someone was looking, he placed a soft kiss on top of the other’s head. Really, the staring fan was the only reason.

            Though Louis argued about it, Harry gave him a piggy-back ride for half of the walk back down. He guessed it should have exhausted him, but it didn’t. He was too elated to be exhausted. Maybe he was even in a slight manic phase, but he was okay with that.

            “Where to now?” Harry asked after they’d finished the venture.

            “How about we make an alcohol run, go back to the hotel and get spectacularly wasted?” Louis suggested.

            “If you want to,” Harry allowed.

            “I saw a wine shop this way,” Louis said, leading the way.

            “Oh, so we’re getting the fancy stuff then?”

            “Of course.”

            “Hey, Lou,” Harry said as he fell in step along with him.

            “Yeah?”

            Leaning down a bit so as to whisper in his ear, Harry asked, “Can I hold your hand?”

            Smiling a little, Louis nodded and so, also with a grin on his face, Harry laced the pair’s fingers together, bringing the smaller guy’s hand up to his lips and placing a soft kiss on the surface. That could easily have been a mistake, Harry realized while in the midst of doing it, and there was no staring bystander to blame that time, but the smile on Louis’s face only grew at the gesture. Harry’s heart gave a strange flutter.

            They caught a taxi from the wine shop to the hotel, and as soon as they were in the safety of Harry’s room, Louis popped the top off of the first bottle of champagne and drained half of it without even coming up for air.

            “Wow,” Harry commented as Louis sighed contently.

            “That was amazing,” Louis said. “I really appreciate all Zayn and Liam do for me, but I missed by bottled friends.”

            “They don’t drink then?” Harry asked, though it made sense. He’d never seen either of them with an alcoholic beverage, but it wasn’t like he really paid attention to that kind of thing.

            “Nope,” Louis answered after taking another swig from the bottle. “Liam used to have a problem with alcohol, I guess, so he can’t touch it now, and Zayn doesn’t either. That’s what they say, at least. Personally, I don’t see how one could really have a _problem_ with alcohol.”

            Louis winked and Harry smiled.

            “I actually don’t drink either,” the singer commented.

            “Seriously?” Louis asked, looking at him as if he grew an extra head.

            “Yeah. Life is so short and I don’t want to make it any shorter by drinking it away.”

            “Fair enough,” Louis said, setting down the now empty champagne bottle and reaching into the bag for another. “I, however, prefer to drink anyway.”

            “Maybe _you_ have an alcohol problem,” Harry teased.

            “Nope. There’s no such thing,” Louis countered.

            Though Harry didn’t drink, he had no problem with people who did, and it was pretty amusing watching Louis get all tipsy and giggly. Harry thought he could see some of the old Louis, like the Louis in that photograph at Zayn and Liam’s, shining through.

            In no time at all, Louis gave up drinking and curled up next to his fake boyfriend right on the floor. Soon, he was asleep. He looked so peaceful, and Harry wished he could take his anxiety and pain away like the alcohol did.

            Louis had only been napping for about twenty minutes when his phone rang. Groaning, he fumbled in his pocket for the device and held it out blindly.

            “Answer it,” he ordered Harry.

            “Yes, sir,” the sober man said, looking at the caller ID before swiping the screen to accept the call. “Hey, Zayn.”

            “…Harry?”

            “Yeah. Lou is half asleep and wanted me to answer, but…um…do you want to talk to him?”

            “No, that’s okay. Liam and I were just getting ready to go to a late dinner and wanted to know if you two ate yet or if you wanted to go.”

            “I’ll ask him and get back to you, okay?”

            “Okay.”

            “Zayn wants to know if we want to go to dinner,” Harry said to his half unconscious friend after he’d hung up. “What should I tell him?”

            “Dinner sounds nice,” Louis said, sitting up and stretching.

            “You sure?” Harry asked, smiling in adoration at the guy’s half shut eyes.

            “Yes. Eating is a necessary part of life, Harry. Your body needs nourishment to live, and living is wonderful.”

            “Wow. Thank you for that information, Dr. Tomlinson.”

            That caused an eruption of giggles in the still tipsy man, and Harry couldn’t help but laugh with him.

            “We should wear one of our sexy new outfits,” Louis said as he stood and stumbled. Harry stood quickly to steady him.

            “Whoa, hey, are you going to be alright to go to dinner?”

            Maybe he was a bit more than tipsy.

            “I am perfectly fine, Harry, my dear,” Louis said, patting the man’s cheek lightly. “We have to pretend I’m sober, though, so shhhh…don’t tell on me.”

            “I don’t think that would be necessary,” Harry reasoned. Louis giggled.

            “I’m going to change,” he announced. “I will meet you back here in a few minutes.”

            “Alright. Do you remember where your room is?”

            Another fit of laughter over took Louis before a look of seriousness formed on his face.

            “I am actually not sure.”

            “Okay,” Harry laughed. “Just let me change and I’ll go with you, alright?”

            “Okay. Oooh, can you wear that blue silky shirt you bought? It’s my favorite.”

            “Sure.”

            Harry was quick to change and text Zayn in case Louis got bored and started the search for his room by himself. However, when he exited the bathroom, he found the other laying across the bed, asleep again.

            “Lou?” Harry called softly. He received no response. “Louis?” he said a little louder. Nothing. Approaching the bed, Harry laid a hand on the sleeping man to shake him ever so gently, but at the first touch, Louis shot up and gasped, arms wrapping defensively around himself.

            “Sorry, sorry! I’m sorry!” Harry said, putting his hands behind his back in hopes of showing that he wasn’t a threat. “It’s just me, and I’m sorry. Are you sure you don’t want me to tell Zayn we won’t be at dinner? We could just say we’re tired, or not feeling good or something.”

            “No, no,” Louis said, rubbing a hand across his face. “Dinner! Dinner is good.”

            “Are you s _ure_ , Louis?”

            “Yes.”

            Louis stood slowly, yawned and began to make his way (mostly steadily) to the door. Harry followed.

            After gathering the outfit he wanted to wear, Louis locked himself in the bathroom to change, exiting a few minutes later.

            “Lou,” Harry laughed.

            “What? Do I look that bad?” Louis asked, frowning and picking self-consciously at his clothes.

            “No, you don’t look bad at all. It’s just...your shirt is on backwards.”

            “Oh.”

            He was definitely a bit more than just tipsy.

            Louis smiled.

            “I’m tired.”

            “I can tell. Here, let me help.”

            “No,” Louis said. “You’ll have to see my tummy.”

            “I bet your tummy is perfect,” Harry said, beginning to help Louis get the shirt off and flip it around for him.

            “It’s not. Don’t look.”

            “Okay. I won’t look.”

            “Promise?”

            “I promise.”

            True to his word, Harry kept his eyes only on the article of clothing or Louis’s face, and the smaller guy smiled once he was dressed again.

            “Beautiful,” Harry commented. “Are you ready?”

            “I’m ready, but remember, I’m sober.”

            “Completely sober.”

 

            By the time they reached the restaurant Zayn had messaged Harry about and met up with the couple, who was standing outside waiting for them, Louis appeared to forget that he was ‘sober’ and stumbled to give Liam a hug.

            “Li-Li! I missed you so much!” he exclaimed.

            “Hi, Lou,” Liam greeted with a laugh, amused twinkle in his eyes.

            “Seriously?” Zayn spoke, clearly not sharing his fiancé’s amusement.

            “It’s okay,” Liam told him, giving his arm a comforting touch while also holding onto Louis. “Just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean the rest of the world can’t.”

            “I put on a lot of cologne, Liam, and chewed like, five pieces of gum so you can’t smell the champagne,” Louis said.

            “I can tell. Thank you for that consideration,” Liam told Louis with a smile.

            “I admire your sobriety, Liam. Congratulations.”

            “Thank you.”

            “Alright,” Zayn interrupted. “Let’s get a seat.”

            Louis took one of Liam’s hands and one of Harry’s, and they (somewhat awkwardly) followed Zayn into the restaurant. They decided a booth would be best, given the situation, and Harry slid in first, allowing Louis the end spot.

            “You’re so comfy,” Louis commented, leaning against the other man after flipping through his menu once.

            “I’m glad you’re comfortable,” Harry said. “Do you know what you want to eat?”

            “Hamburger,” Louis answered. “Those cows sure taste yummy when I am…completely sober.”

            So he had suddenly remembered.

             Liam and Harry laughed while Zayn shook his head.

            “I think Zayn needs a drink,” Louis said. “You’re so tense and un-fun, Z. And Harry needs a drink because he’d look so cute tipsy, and don’t worry, Liam, I’m sure we can score you some pot or something.”

            “Lou-” Zayn began sternly, but whatever he was going to say, Liam stopped with a kiss.

            “He’s joking, babe. Besides you _do_ need a drink, Mr. Grumpypants.”

            Louis laughed like that was the funniest thing. Zayn glared at his fiancé, but, unaffected, Liam stuck out his tongue before turning to Louis.

            “Do you want to split an appetizer, Lou?”

            Louis sat up, eyes wide, at the same time both boys shouted,

            “Chicken poppers!”

            “What did we do to deserve this?” Zayn asked Harry, who simply laughed.

            Drunk Louis was also, apparently, hungry Louis, because he ate exactly half of his and Liam’s chicken poppers (he counted to make sure it was even), his whole hamburger and plate of chips, and even took a couple bites of Harry’s meal. The food soaked up the alcohol fairly quickly and only a few minutes after he’d announced he was finished, he slumped over in his seat, former bubbliness gone.

            “Are you okay?” Harry asked, brow furrowed in concern.

            “I have a headache,” the man replied. Harry laughed just a bit, sympathetically.

            “I imagine so. We’ll stop and get you some Tylenol on the way back.”

            “I’m going to throw up.”

            “No you’re not,” Zayn said. “You’re just not used to eating like a regular person.”

            “I would like to go back to the hotel now, please, boyfriend,” Louis said, looking up into Harry’s eyes, his own clouded with some emotion Harry couldn’t read.

            “Of course, babe,” Harry said, throwing some money down on the table. Louis started to get his out as well, but Harry touched his hand swiftly and gently to stop him.

            “I’ve got this one, okay?”

            Louis nodded and slid out of the booth, Harry following quickly.

            “Feel better, Lou,” Liam said.

            “We can go back too,” Zayn offered, prepping to leave as well.

            “No!” Louis said, a bit harshly. Zayn looked a little hurt, so Louis continued.

            “I’m fine. You and Liam stay, get dessert or whatever and then spend some time together alone, alright?”

            “I’ve got this,” Harry assured Zayn, and followed his ‘boyfriend’ outside.

            “Are you okay?” the singer asked again as he began hailing a taxi. “Are you really going to be sick? Because if so, we should probably go in where there aren’t paparazzi…”

            “I’m not going to,” Louis said, “I don’t feel like I have to. I just feel like I should.”

            “Why?”

            “That was soooo much food, Harry! I mean, I even ate some of yours! What is wrong with me? Don’t answer that. I’m just clearly a gross pig.”

            “Louis, stop that, please. You’re not gross or a pig, so whoever said that can go…Just, it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with eating.”

            “I know, but I ate _so much_.”

            “You ate what you wanted, and I’m so proud of you.”

            “Really?” Louis asked, and Harry smiled as he saw that familiar blush rising on the man’s cheek.

            “So proud, Lou.”

 

            The pair went to their separate rooms once back at the hotel, and Harry scored a hug before they departed, so he wasn’t _too_ disappointed. Besides, the events of the day were finally starting to get to him and he suddenly felt drained, so he changed into his pajamas, washed up and got in bed to order a movie and just relax.

            Towards the end of the movie, there was a knock on the bedroom door and Harry was surprised when he looked through the peephole to see Louis.

            “Hey, is everything okay?” he asked as he opened the door.

            “You have reached your quota in asking me that question for the day,” Louis said. “But yes, everything is fine. I was just wondering…um….Can I sleep in your room with you? I hate hotels…”

            The question shocked Harry, but elated him as well, and he tried not to smile too big as he answered.

            “Of course. Come on in.”

            “Thank you.”

            Louis, already dressed in his pajamas and looking adorable, entered the room and followed Harry over to the bed as the singer flipped off the movie and laid down, patting the area beside him to invite Louis to lay also.

            “You didn’t have to turn that off,” Louis said.

            “It was pretty lame anyway.”

            The two laid in silence for a few minutes before Harry got the hint that maybe Louis really did just want to sleep, and he flipped the light off.

            “Good night, Lou.”

            “Harry?”

            “Yeah?”

            “I need to tell you something, just in case it’s brought up tomorrow.”

            “Okay. What is it?”

            “Do you remember how I said I totaled my car in a wreck?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Well, what actually happened was….I drove it into a semi-large pond.”

            “You…like…on purpose?”

            Harry had a feeling that he already knew the answer, but he was hoping he was wrong.

            “Yes,” Louis said, and Harry closed his eyes because that hadn’t been the answer he’d wanted to hear at all.

            “It’s not like I wanted to die,” Louis went on. “I didn’t at all, but I wanted…I _needed_ to get away…from _him_ , and I didn’t see any other options. You probably think that’s stupid because I had Zayn and Liam. I had other friends.  There were even shelters, but that would have caused more drama than anything, and I was tired of people having to take care of me. So I just…I just thought that it was either a slow death by Nick or a quick one by my own hands, and I chose the less painful option.”

            Harry fish mouthed for a few moments, and, _oh_ , there were actual tears on his cheeks. He was glad he’d turned off the lights.

            “I’m sorry you felt that way,” Harry finally said when he felt like he could talk in a steady voice. “You don’t still feel like that, do you?”

            “I still feel like a burden sometimes, but no, not to the point that I’m going to kill myself. Like I said, I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to be away from that situation.”

            “What happened? How did you survive?”

            “Well…I did it in a remote area, where nothing was open that late and where I didn’t think anyone would find me until hours later, but I guess some guy that worked across the street had had a late night at work and was just leaving even though it was like two in the morning. He saw the car go in and he jumped after it. He managed to get me out and back to land, and he got most of the water out of my lungs as well before calling an ambulance. I still lost consciousness and woke up in the hospital with Zayn and Liam there. I couldn’t even lie about any of it because I’d e-mailed Zayn my…erm…note. So they knew everything and wouldn’t even let Nick in, which was fine with me, obviously.’

            ‘I was sent to a mental hospital for about a month, and they highly suggested I didn’t live on my own for a while after that. I was fine, really, but I didn’t really have a choice. For one, I was jobless and had basically no money saved up, and living on the streets was not an option again. Zayn and Liam wouldn’t have allowed me to live on my own even if I could, though, and I understood because they’d been through a lot while I was in the hospital, but they were there for me the whole time, and I knew they wouldn’t feel right at all with me on my own. I was willing to play along to give them some comfort, but I just didn’t think it would be for this long. I can live on my own now, and I think Liam believes that I would be fine, but Zayn isn’t quite there yet.”

            “He’s just afraid of something happening to you,” Harry reasoned, voice thick. He cleared his throat.

            “I know, but I wish he could see that he doesn’t need to be.”

            “You’re really okay, Lou?”

            _No_ , Harry remembered Louis saying to him the first time he’d asked him that question all those months ago in the elevator. _But I will be._

            “I’m not perfect. I still have issues, but yes, I’m okay. For the first time in a long, long time, I’m okay.”

            “When did that happen?” Harry asked, a sick feeling forming in his gut.

            “The morning after we met,” Louis admitted after a moment’s hesitation. Harry sucked in a breath.

            “I should have known,” he whispered, feeling very sick then  even a bit dizzy. “I’m so sorry, Louis.”

            “How would you have known?”

            “I knew something was wrong.”

            “Of course you did. You had just heard me get the shit beaten out of me by my boyfriend, but you did what you could. If you hadn’t held those doors open for me, he would have caught up to me and I don’t know what could have happened. You helped me get away from him, and maybe things didn’t go great after that still, but I would have rather them turned out like that instead of dealing with him for even one more second.”

            “Lou…I’m still so sorry though. For everything; for what he was doing in that hotel.”

            “It’s not your fault, Harry,” Louis said, hand blindly searching until it found Harry’s, and he laced them together tightly. Harry’s heart skipped a beat. “I didn’t tell you so you could beat yourself up over something you couldn’t control or change,” Louis continued. “I told you because I didn’t want you to be blindsided during the interview tomorrow. Also I wanted to thank you.”

            “What in the world could you possibly be thanking me for?”

            “Because I feel like, when everyone else looks at me, all they see is a broken mess. I know I can be awkward and kind of strange, but I’m trying to move on and get back to who I was. It’s just hard when I’m treated like I’m fragile. It’s a constant reminder that I’m not who I was, and that maybe I never will be again. It’s different with you though. You don’t treat me any differently. You’re respectful of my limits, but you don’t make me feel as if they’re that…messed up or anything. Sometimes, when we’re together, I feel normal. Sometimes I can even forget that I’m not.”

            Harry didn’t really have an appropriate response to all of that. He knew what he _wanted_ to say. He wanted to tell Louis he loved him; that to him, he was perfect just how he was, but he couldn’t. He was just figuring out all of this love stuff himself, and besides, Louis hadn’t been asking for that. He needed a friend he could be comfortable around, not a lover.

            “There’s nothing wrong with you, Louis,” Harry ended up saying for lack of anything else. It was apparently the right thing to say though, because Louis gave another content sigh and squeezed Harry’s hand reassuringly before letting go and pulling the blankets up closer to his chin.

            “Good night, Harry.”

            “Good night, Lou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how this chapter ended up so massive, especially when it was written all in one day. Hope you enjoyed it anyway! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is long

            Sometime in the middle of the night, or, rather, the wee hours of the morning, Harry was woken by the sound of a phone ringing. He was confused for a moment because that wasn’t his ringtone, but then he remembered that Louis had spent the night, and he smiled to himself.

            “Hello?” a groggy voice answered the phone, and Harry decided he liked Louis’s just-woke-up voice.

            “Zayn,” Louis sighed, so, apparently, it was he who had called. “I’m fine. You can really stop these nightly check-ins. I’m more likely to die from having a heart attack over a ringing phone or the shadow of some strange person in my doorway than I am by causing myself bodily harm.”

            Louis was quiet for a few moments while Zayn spoke, and then let out another sigh.

            “Good night, Zayn,” he said before Harry heard the phone lock. A few moments later, yet one more sigh came from the man as he rolled out of bed. Harry figured he was going to the bathroom and continued feigning sleep until he heard a heavier door open and a bit of light poured into the room.

            “Are you leaving?” he asked, sitting up quickly, his voice not quite as groggy as it should be had he just been pulled from his slumber.

            “Yeah. If Zayn goes to my room and I’m not there, he’ll freak out.”

            “Why?”

            “He’s always afraid I’ll sneak away and end myself.”

            “But you won’t.”

            “Of course not.”

            “Can’t you just tell him where you are?”

            “He’ll come check.”

            Reaching over to the nightstand, Harry picked up his phone and found Zayn’s contact information. As he held the phone to his ear, waiting for his friend to pick up, Louis shut the door a little, leaning his back against the wall and looking at Harry with one eyebrow cocked.

            “‘Lo?” Zayn answered right before voicemail picked up. Apparently he fell back to sleep really fast.

            “Hey, Zayn. Sorry to call so late. Er…early. I just wanted to let you know that Louis is staying in my room, so if you can’t find him, he’s in here, and he’s safe. Alright?”

            Zayn hesitated for a good while before sighing.

            “Okay.”

            “Okay. Good night. We’ll see you in the morning.”

            “Bright and early.”

            “Of course.”

            “You didn’t have to do that,” Louis said when Harry had hung up, and even in the dark, Harry could tell he was smiling as he crawled back into bed.

            “You were keeping me warm,” Harry used as his excuse.

            “Are you calling me fat?” Louis asked, and the singer’s eyes basically bulged out of their sockets.

            “What?! No! How-”

            “I was just messing with you,” Louis interrupted Harry’s mini freak out with a laugh.

            “Brat.”

            “It was revenge.”

            “Revenge for what?”

            “When you made me think you were mad about me teasing you over your itty bitty pimple.”

            “It wasn’t itty bitty. And you’re going to use that against me then, I see.”

            “Of course. I need all the leverage I can get.”

            Before Harry could reply, a loud yawn came from the smaller man.

            “Good night again, Harry.”

            “Good night.”

 

            When Harry woke again a few hours later, this time on his own, he was shocked to find Louis’s arms draped across his middle while his own arms were wrapped tightly around the other’s body. It was very comfortable, actually, and Harry was tempted to stay in bed as he had at least ten more minutes to waste, but he was afraid that if Louis woke up to find himself in such a predicament, he would panic, so he carefully and dreadfully slipped away from his fake boyfriend. Louis simply rolled over, making a sleepy noise and pulling the covers closer. Smiling a bit to himself, Harry gathered clothes and went into the bathroom to shower.

            Louis was just sitting up when Harry re-entered the bed area and he rubbed his eyes before blinking them open slowly. He had a major case of bedhead, but he looked so cute that Harry couldn’t help but stare in fondness.

            “Good morning.”

            “Hi,” Louis said, stretching his arms out in front of him. “Ready for this?”

            “Yes,” Harry said, because he was, but part of him still wished he and Louis could just stay in the hotel room all day, just the two of them. Of course, Louis probably wouldn’t go for that even if it was possible, Harry supposed.

            Louis went to his own room to shower, but allowed Harry to come along. It didn’t take him long at all, and he soon joined Harry on the bed while they waited for Zayn’s text telling them to head to the lobby.

            “There’s one more thing I need to tell you,” he said as he slipped on his first shoe.

            “Alright. What is it?”

            “It’s about the car incident. The public knows about it, but they don’t know all of the details, of course. They’re under the impression that the break-up happened before and I did it because I couldn’t handle it. So please just go with that, okay?”

            “Okay,” Harry said, if reluctantly. Apparently the reluctance was clear because Louis looked him dead in the eye.

            “ _Please_ , Harry.”

            “Of course I’ll go with whatever narrative you want,” he assured the other man. “I just hate pretending you couldn’t live without him when it was actually the opposite.”

            “I know,” Louis said. “But you know the truth, and that’s all that matters.”

 

            “…Please welcome the newest it-couple, Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles!”

            Alright. It was time. The studio audience cheered right on cue and after one last private look at their companion, the pair headed out to take a seat close to the interviewer. Harry wasn’t sure about Louis, but he was nervous, which was odd. He hadn’t been nervous at all earlier, and he was usually pretty relaxed with this stuff. Sure, he got the anxious butterflies, as everyone did, but he didn’t usually kind of want to throw up.

            Whether Louis sensed his anxiety or was nervous himself, he slipped his hand into Harry’s and gave it a small squeeze, not letting go until they reached the interviewer, a middle aged woman named Shayla, and he let go to shake her hand.

            “Hello! Wow! You two are even cuter in person!” Shayla exclaimed, and the boys let out small laughs.

            “Thank you,” Harry said.

            “Anytime. Now, Harry, I know you’ve talked a bit about your new music and how it’s going to differ from your older stuff, but it’s not only your music that is different. You, personally, seem different. What happened?”

            “What happened?” Harry repeated, brow furrowing before inspiration hit and he smiled, looking over to Louis, who gave him a small, curious smile in return.

            “I met this guy,” Harry continued. The audience awed, and Louis blushed. Harry really shouldn’t have felt so much pride.

            “You two are adorable,” Shayla complimented. “So all of this change…it’s just because you met a boy?”

            “He’s not just a boy,” Harry said, “but no. I also want to be taken more seriously as a singer, since that is my passion. I want to focus more on that, and I want the headlines to be about my music, not about what I may or may not be doing with my personal life.”

            “But you had to know that you and Louis would make headlines?”

            “Yes, and that’s fine. This is new and people are interested, but I’m afraid we won’t be that interesting for long. I mean, how many pictures of us eating do people really wish for?”

            Some people laughed, and Harry thought he even heard a huff of amusement from Louis.

            “You’re right, those are getting kind of old,” Shayla joked along with him. “The pictures of the two of you out and about yesterday were pretty steamy though.”

            “Steamy?” Harry asked because, while he’d had a great day yesterday, he wouldn’t describe it as ‘steamy’ by any means.

            “Yeah. There are pictures of you kissing at the top of the statue of liberty, aren’t there?”

            “Not unless they’re photo shopped,” Harry told her with a smile, suddenly understanding. “I kissed the top of his head, but if that’s hot to you, then to each their own, really.”

            “It was my hair, really,” Louis spoke, and Harry looked over at him, delighted. “My gross, just-got-off-a-plane-and-climbed-three hundred-and-fifty-four-steps-to-the-statue-of-liberty hair.”

            There were more laughs and Harry’s smile threatened to split his face.

            _Alright, get it together, Styles._

“There was no euphoric, made-it-to-the-top make out sessions then?” Shayla asked.

            “None,” Harry agreed.

            “Well, a girl can dream. Alright, Harry, so when can we expect a first single?”

            “I don’t have an exact date, but I should have one out in a few weeks or so. I’m excited for everyone to hear my new music, and I have a song in mind that would be perfect, but it needs just a couple more touches, if that is the final choice.”

            “Well, we can’t wait.”

            Claps followed the interviewer’s words and Harry smiled politely at the audience.

            “Now, back to your new relationship!” Shayla exclaimed.

            “Of course,” Harry said with a smile.

            “Remind us again how you two lovebirds met?”

            So Harry went over the whole story again, keeping the fact that he really should have done so much more in his head only.

            “Do you have anything to add, Louis?” Shayla asked when Harry had finished.

            “No, he’s pretty much said it all,” Louis said.

            “I know there were a few months between when you met and when you actually started talking and then dating, but I find it hard to believe there was no initial attraction.”

            “I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be attracted to anyone at that time,” Louis said.

            “I understand,” Shayla replied, her facial expression turning to one of sympathy. Louis shifted in his seat ever so slightly, uncomfortable. Shayla turned to Harry. “And what about you? Any initial attraction?”

            “I can’t say that that was what I was focusing on,” Harry told her.

            “Right, yes,” she said with a nod. “Besides, Louis, you were still in a relationship at that time, as Harry said.”

            “Yes.”

            “So even if there was that spark right from the beginning, you would have refrained from pursuing anything?”

            “Yeah, definitely. I was having enough problems with one boyfriend. I didn’t need another one.”

            There were some more laughs from the audience and Harry mustered a smile, but it kind of hurt knowing that Louis probably meant those words even then. He hadn’t needed another boyfriend then and he didn’t need one now.

            “Harry wouldn’t have pursued anything either, even if I’d wanted to,” Louis continued. “He knew I was in a relationship, obviously, and he wouldn’t have gotten involved in that. Also, it was clear that I wasn’t in the best place mentally, and he wouldn’t have taken advantage of that.”

            Harry gave Louis a truly grateful smile then-he was really doing his best to change his media image, and Harry appreciated it more than the guy would ever know.

            “Louis, you recently had a run-in with your ex-boyfriend,” Shayla said, and Harry took a deep breath. He’d known this was coming, but he kind of hoped they would have run out of time before they could really discuss anything.

            “Yes, I did.”

            “I heard that he and Harry gave quite the show,” she said, glancing over at the singer quickly before turning her gaze back to Louis. Louis, however, trained his eyes on the man sitting next to him.

            “Do you want to take this one, love?”

            Harry smiled a little too widely at the term of endearment, but quickly sobered up.

            “Certain parties had had a little too much to drink,” he began. “Or, one certain party. Things got heated.”

            “Why is that?”

            “Louis was being treated in a way that was disrespectful and it set me off. I guess I kind of freaked out.”

            “You guess?” Shayla asked. “You broke his nose!”

            “Yeah, I did hear that.”

            “Do you have regrets over that night?”

            “I regret losing control, but I don’t regret getting involved, and if you watched the videos that I know have to be all over the internet by now, I think you will understand why.”

            “Yes, Nick Grimshaw, your ex-boyfriend, did appear to be getting a little rough with you, Louis. Has anything like that happened before, or do you think it was an effect of the alcohol?”

            Louis hesitated for a moment before answering, and Harry’s brain raced, trying to find a way to help the man, but then Louis said,

            “I wasn’t particularly blindsided by his behavior.”

            Shayla was clearly intrigued by that answer, but was signaled to move on.

            _Thank you, Zayn,_ Harry thought, shooting a grateful glance over to where he knew the agent was standing. He nodded, understanding without words.

            “Harry,” Shayla spoke, turning to the singer again instead, “was there was any jealously involved that fueled the fire of the fight?”

            “Not on my end,” Harry said, “but I can’t blame Nick if there was some on his part because Louis is a great guy and an amazing boyfriend, and I’d be pretty upset with myself if I lost him too.”

            That comment received more sounds of adoration and Louis’s blush made another special appearance as well.

            “Louis, it looks like this guy is really happy with you,” Shayla commented.

            “It’s mutual,” Louis assured her with a smile on his face. She returned it briefly before continuing her questioning.

            “So you are happy now? Truly happy?”

            “I am.”

            “Good. I’m so glad. Things seemed to be taking a nosedive for a while there.”

            Feeling Harry tense beside him, Louis placed a hand on his knee, giving that a gentle squeeze while he answered Shayla.

            “They did, and I can’t really explain why the darkness took over, but with lots of help and support, I was able to get back on my feet and I’m happy now. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

            “I’m so glad to see you doing better. Now, Harry, if I understood correctly, you were barely talking when all of that happened. How did you feel when you heard the news?”

            _Is she serious?_ Harry wondered, looking at Louis, who bit his lip to hide a smile and looked down at his lap.

            “I was sad, of course,” Harry finally answered. “No one should be put in a situation where they feel that doing something that extreme is the only way to make things better. So, yeah, sad and scared. Really scared.”

            “Harry has been one of my biggest supports,” Louis cut in.

            “So he’s not just a rebound?”

            “No, definitely not.”

            “And Harry, Louis isn’t just another notch in your bedpost?”

            _Wow_. Harry had expected those rumors, of course, and some questions that beat around the bush a bit, but to be asked so bluntly shocked him and he couldn’t help but gape at the interviewer. Louis’s hand trailed then to Harry’s thigh as he gently and comfortingly made small circles with his thumb. Finally, Harry spoke again.

            “No. No, not at all. Lou isn’t even in that category,” he said. He should have stopped there, he knew, but it didn’t feel like enough. He wanted everyone to know that that wasn’t the case at all, both for his own image, but mainly for Louis’s. He had already been through so much, and he was so strong, that he didn’t need people thinking he was just a weak, vulnerable, broken man who was letting himself be used by one of the biggest man sluts known. So Harry added,        

            “I love him.”

******

 

Harry most definitely expected to be told off by Zayn as he walked hand-in-hand with Louis backstage to meet up, but was surprised to find both Zayn and his fiancé beaming at them.

            “You two were _perfect_!” the agent gushed, pulling both of them into a hug. “Harry, I think that love admission won over the idiotic fans that were still hoping for a Nick/Louis reunion.”

            Harry smiled, but looked over at Louis, still concerned that maybe he had messed up. However, Louis simply smiled back, wrapping an arm around Harry’s waist before assuring him,

            “You really were perfect.”

******

 

           The pair spent a few minutes being congratulated and wished well by various studio employees before Zayn announced that they needed to go because they had a plane to catch.

            “Hold on,” Harry said. “Liam, can I talk to you for a minute, please?”

            Zayn and Louis both looked at Harry curiously, but Harry refused to make eye contact. He was nervous enough as it was.

            “Of course,” Liam said before leading Harry away to find a place with at least a little bit of privacy.

            “Is everything alright?” he questioned once they had stopped walking and he turned to face the singer.

            “Everything is fine,” Harry assured him. “I was just wondering if, um…well…if Louis agrees, would it be alright to keep him from work for a couple more days? There are still some things I want to do with him here.”

            For what seemed like hours, but was really only a couple of moments, Liam stared at the other man, expression unreadable. Then, his face split into a smile.

            “That’s fine,” he allowed. Harry let out a sigh of relief.

            “Do you think Zayn-”

            “I’ll take care of Zayn,” Liam assured him. “Louis is a grown adult and if he wants to stay here with you for another night or two, then he doesn’t need anyone’s permission.”

            Harry smiled, both relieved and more nervous. If Liam had told him no, then fine. He could always just tell himself that he needed him at work. If Louis said no…well, then Harry was prepared to hurt a little.

            When they reached the other two again, Liam wrapped an arm around Zayn’s shoulders and led him away. Zayn gave a curious look back to Harry, but let himself be taken, and Harry was eternally grateful.

            “What’s going on?” Louis asked Harry, face scrunched a bit with worry. Harry offered what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

            “Nothing, really. I was just wondering if you would like to stay here with me for one more night?”

            As he spoke, Harry slid a pair of tickets he had been hiding in his butt pocket out and showed them to Louis; two tickets to a Broadway show that night. Louis’s mouth very literally dropped open.

            “I promised I would take you to a show,” Harry reasoned.

            “When did you get these?!”

            “I sent one of our bodyguards away while we were shopping yesterday.”

            “You…You’re…”

            Louis shook his head, the correct words apparently failing him, and Harry gave a small laugh.

            “We can fly back home tomorrow,” he said. “What do you say?”

            Louis nodded, standing slightly on his tiptoes to put his arms around Harry’s neck and pull him into a hug. Harry returned it, heart racing a bit.

******

            “Are you really staying?” Zayn asked Louis when the couples found each other again.

            “I am,” Louis told him. The frown on Zayn’s face deepened.

            “Lou, I don’t know-”

            “Harry will keep me on suicide watch, Zayn,” Louis said with a roll of his eyes. “He’ll lock up everything that could be a noose, monitor my shaving…”

            “That’s not funny.”

            “I wasn’t trying to be.”

            “I don’t do that,” Zayn argued.

            “He’ll be fine,” Harry assured the man. “You can trust him, and you can trust me.”

            It was clear that Zayn wanted to debate the topic for a while longer, but Liam pointed out that they really had to go, so with a defeated sigh, he nodded.

            “Alright. Fine. I’ll see both of you soon, yeah?”

            “Of course,” Louis said, pulling Zayn into a hug then. “Have a nice flight and text me when you’re home.”

            “Okay. Are you two coming back to the hotel now? Li and I still have to finish packing…”

            “Actually, I think we’re going to grab some lunch,” Louis said. “I haven’t eaten today and I’m starving. Does that sound good, Harry?”

            “Sounds brilliant,” Harry said, because no way was he going to decline anything Louis wanted to do.

******

            “Sorry,” Louis said as Zayn and Liam took their ride back to the hotel. “If we went back with them, Zayn would have continued trying to convince us that this is a bad idea.”

            “It’s alright,” Harry assured him with a smile. “Where would you like to go for lunch?”

            “McDonald’s.”

            “McDonald’s?”

            “It’s been so long since I’ve had McDonald’s, Harry, you don’t understand.”

            “McDonald’s it is then.”

******

 

         The two got their food and then went to the park to eat it. They were quiet, but that was okay because it was a comfortable silence. Louis looked content, and all the worries Harry had over whether he was doing the right thing or not were erased.

            “Harry,” Louis said after a few minutes of quietly messing with his phone.

            “Hmm?” Harry asked, looking up from his own phone, on which he was doing nothing, but he didn’t want to seem pathetic. Smiling, Louis scooted closer, holding out the camera part of the phone in front of them.

            “Selfie for my twitter,” he explained.

            “You have twitter?”

            “Just made one. Look like you love me!”

            Harry didn’t mention that that wasn’t hard to do.

            “Perfect,” Louis said once he had snapped the photo, and it was. Both of them were smiling and they looked happy. They looked in love.

            Harry thought so, at least.

            “Is your url Louis Tomlinson?” Harry asked.

            “No. That was my old one. Search Lou Tommo.”

            “That has a lovely ring to it.”

            “Thank you.”

            The first and only post so far on Louis’s page was the picture, captioned ‘Lovely day with the most lovely guy <3’

            Harry’s grin widened.

******

            After the park, the two decided to go to the aquarium, as Louis had never been to one before.

            “You’ve never been to an amusement park and you’ve never been to an aquarium. What kind of childhood did you have?”

            “I didn’t have one, really,” Louis said nonchalantly and, before Harry could reply, Louis grabbed his hand and said, “Come on! I want to see the penguins!”

            The penguins were adorable, and Louis liked them, but nothing seemed to thrill him more than getting to pet the stingrays. He looked so innocently happy that Harry couldn’t help but take a picture. Hearing the camera noise, Louis looked back and Harry snapped another.

            “That’s twitter profile picture material right there,” Harry said.

            “You upload it first,” Louis told him in a hushed voice as he approached Harry again, using a towel to dry off his hand. “That way people will know for a fact that you took it, and then I’ll make it my icon.”

            Harry did just that, captioning it, ‘Future marine biologist? ;)’

            “Hmm…maybe,” Louis commented, slipping his hand back into Harry’s once the phone was back in his pocket.

            “Do you want to do something different besides working for the electronic company one day?” Harry asked.

            “Someday, yeah. I don’t mind the job, and I like working with Liam, but…retirement is a long way away. I don’t think that’s what I want to do _forever_.”

            “Any ideas on what you’d want to do?”

            “Not really. Not yet. I’ll figure it out. One step at a time.”

            Louis paused for a moment.

            “My God, I just quoted my therapist.”

            Harry just laughed because Louis was so, so cute.

 

            Next, the two decided to catch a short nap before heading to dinner and then the show. When Harry picked Louis up from his room fifteen minutes before they’d planned, the other man was already ready, dressed in one of his new, fancier outfits. Harry didn’t know how he found the guy more attractive each time he saw him, but he did.

            The restaurant Harry took Louis to was one he knew to be at the upper end of the scale, but he panicked a little when they were led to their table and he found candles and a bottle of wine. He knew he and Louis were fake dating and all, but this felt like real dating, which he was completely fine with, but he wasn’t so sure about the other. Louis was still smiling, though-and, really, Harry couldn’t remember a time since the park when he hadn’t been smiling-and thanked the host. Harry decided to take a chance and pull Louis’s chair out for him. That went successfully, as he received an even brighter smile.

            He even ordered what he wanted that evening.

            “So are you going to try the wine?” Louis asked, teasing edge to his voice, and was clearly shocked when Harry said,

            “Lay it on me.”

            “Really?”

            “Really.”

            “Alright then.

            Louis took it upon himself to fill Harry’s glass, stopping a little under halfway full. He poured himself some then, and, bracing himself, Harry raised his glass.

            “You have to stick your pinky out,” Louis instructed.

            “Do I now?”

            “Yes, you do. It’s one of the Ten Commandments.”

            “I think you are mistaken about that.”

            “It’s one of _my_ Ten Commandments.”

            “Oh. I see. I guess it’s of utmost importance that I obey, then.”

            “It is.”

            “Just curious. What number is it exactly?”

            “Four.”

            “Wow. That’s pretty high.”

            “I know.”

            “What are your other commandments?”

            “That is a conversation for another time. You’ve been holding that wine glass for approximately seventy-seven seconds, Mr. Styles. Your damnation is drawing near.”

            Obediently, Harry stuck out his pinky, raising the glass further up to his mouth. Louis lifted his own.

            “I don’t see your pinky out,” Harry commented.

            “I make the rules. I don’t have to follow them,” Louis explained.

            “That doesn’t seem fair.”

            “Life isn’t fair, Harry.”          

            Harry nodded in defeat and, after taking one last deep breath-which was a mistake; the smell was so strong-put the glass against his lips and tilted it daintily until he got his first taste of the wine.

            Then he sophisticatedly spat it back into his cup, eyes wide in horror.

            “That was disgusting!” he exclaimed once he’d caught his breath, but Louis, who had been taking his own drink, was half laughing, half choking, literal tears coming from his eyes.

            “You alright?” Harry asked, though given the fact that he could hear Louis drawing in breath, he knew he was going to be just fine. “I wish I could make people laugh this hard when I was actually trying,” Harry said. Louis’s laughter/coughing fit grew harder. Admittedly feeling somewhat proud of himself, Harry got up to gently rub his back.

            “Your face!” Louis exclaimed once his breathing was nearing the vicinity of normal.

            “Why, thank you, Louis. Thank you so much,” Harry said as he took his seat again.

            “And you just…spat it out like it was poison!”

            “I’m pretty sure poison tastes better.”

            Louis cackled then-a real, actual cackle-and some people turned to give their table a disapproving look.

            “We shouldn’t go to nice places anymore,” Louis said, sipping on his own wine gleefully.

            “Lou, I’m really worried about you,” Harry said.

            “What? Why?”

            “I just don’t see how you can treat yourself that way,” he explained, nodding to the glass in the other’s hand.

            “I _like_ wine, thank you.”

            “Stop lying to yourself. It’s okay to seek help. There are better ways to cope with your pain; chocolate, a nice walk in the park...cough medicine.”

            “Cough medicine?”

            “I heard it can give a real good buzz.”

            “You want me to be a Sizzurp junkie.”

            “No, I don’t _want_ you to. Personally, I’d tell you to go for the chocolate.”

            Louis shook his head, amusement still clearly written on his face as he took another drink. Harry made a loud retching sound, and Louis screamed as wine came out of his nose.

            They laid money on the table and saw themselves out at that point, apologizing to everyone around them. Harry knew he probably wouldn’t have gotten away with it himself, but Louis was with him, so he wasn’t too worried about it.

******

            The show was amazing, and Louis had the same look of wonder he’d had at the studio with Harry the first time. This was _definitely_ one of Harry’s better ideas, he’d decided.

            “What about pursuing a career in theatre?” Harry suggested as the two walked hand-in-hand down the street once the show was over. They knew they would have to catch a cab eventually, but neither was in much of a hurry.

            “You’re kidding, right?” Louis asked.

            “No, I’m not.”

            “Harry, we’ve talked about this. I-can’t-sing.”

            “I think you can though.”

            “You’ve never heard me.”

            “So prove me wrong. Or right.”

            “No!”

            “You’re going to have to sing when we do our duet.”

            “I’m going to have to be auto-tuned.”

            “HA! You didn’t say no!”

            Louis rolled his eyes, Harry just knew it, but he could see the shadow of a smile on his face as well.

            “Have you ever danced in the moonlight?” Harry asked, and he wasn’t really sure what made him say it except the moon was full and bright, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the night was warm and breezy, the day had been perfect and from somewhere in the close distance, a slow song was playing.

            “Can’t say I have,” Louis said. Harry stopped walking then, stepping in front of Louis to hold out a hand.

            “Seriously?” Louis asked, one eyebrow raised. Harry nodded. “I don’t dance,” the smaller man said then.

            “I don’t either, really,” Harry admitted.

            “So…why do you want to now?”

            “I dunno. Just do.”

            “I think the wine smell got to your brain,” Louis said, but accepted the hand Harry was offering.

            Their dance was anything but smooth, but it felt flawless to them as they spun in circles and moved close enough to not be completely awkward but far enough so Harry felt that Louis was comfortable. They were pretty sure they were being recorded, but they didn’t care.

            They danced so long that even their fans got bored and left, so, luckily, there were no cameras around when Harry spun Louis one too many times and he stumbled, dizzy. Harry reached out, gripping his arms tightly to steady him, but at the hold, Louis gasped, eyes widening as all joy left his face, and he pulled back roughly, stumbling again and hitting the ground backwards.

            “No, please don’t,” he said so softly that Harry barely even heard him but he still _did_ hear, and his heart broke a little.

            “Louis,” he said calmly as he got down on his knees to be at the other’s level. Louis wouldn’t look up.

            “Louis, it’s okay,” Harry spoke again. “Not everyone is out to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt you, ever. I’m not him. You know that.”

            “I know,” Louis admitted after a few seconds. “I’m sorry.”

            “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

            “He’d just…he’d grab my arms when he was mad and that’s when I knew…”

            “I was trying to steady you is all,” Harry continued soothingly. “You’re safe with me, Lou, I promise. And I know he probably told you the same thing; that it wouldn’t happen again, and that you were going to be okay, and so I don’t expect you to fully trust me yet, or ever, but you _can_.”

            “I’m trying.”

            “That’s more than I’d ask for.”

            “Harry?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Can you help me up? I’m ruining these trousers.”

            Smiling, Harry stood and offered a hand down to the man, who took it and stood.

            “Thank you for dancing with me,” the singer said.

            “Thank you for trying to steady my clumsy arse.”

            “Anytime.”

******

            To Harry’s surprise and delight, Louis chose to stay in Harry’s room for another night, and while he washed up, Harry turned his phone on to send Zayn a message and let him know that everybody was okay. Immediately, his phone started buzzing as it read three missed calls and eleven texts from Niall, all demanding a phone call ASAP to talk about the interview and “other important things.” Harry sent a message saying he would call him tomorrow, and after shooting Zayn a text, got in bed and waited for Louis.

            “Good night,” the smaller man said as he climbed into bed, scooting a bit closer to Harry than the night before. They were almost touching.

            “Good night, Louis.”

            “I had a really great time today.”

            “I did too.”

            “Don’t let me oversleep, please.”

            “I won’t.”

            “Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome.”

            Louis closed his eyes and seemed to almost immediately fall asleep, but Harry lay awake. The day had been great, but it was also bittersweet because it was over, and tomorrow they would be going back to the same old routine. There would be more dates, Harry knew, but he feared it wouldn’t be the same, and he tried not to care because he knew that, for one of them, it was for the best, but he did care. He cared maybe too much.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I am very sorry for this massive chapter, but it was a terrible week and I needed to write something light-hearted, so I may have gotten carried away. Hope you all liked it anyway :)


	11. Chapter 11

            Like a good friend, the first thing Harry did when he got home was call Niall. Niall, however, was unappreciative.

            “You dick! Am I not important to you anymore?!” he said as a means of greeting his friend.

            “Of course you are, Ni,” Harry said calmly, knowing that the other guy wasn’t _really_ mad.

            “Then why did you make me wait so long to be graced with a phone call?! What is more important than _me_?!”

            “Haven’t you heard? I stayed in New York last night,” Harry explained. “And with Louis. I was with him all day and night, so I didn’t really have a free minute. I’m sorry.”

            “You’re sorry?! What in the hell are you apologizing for?! I wouldn’t have called me back either if I’d gotten to spend the day with Louis Tomlinson!”

            Harry laughed.

            “So I’m forgiven?”

            “Duh, you idiot!”

            “I’m so glad. Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome. Now, we need to talk.”

            “About what?”

            “The interview, of course! What _was_ that?!”

            “What do you mean?”

            “You _love_ him?!”

            “Well, obviously I love my boyfriend, Niall,” Harry said, sarcasm heavy in his voice. Niall groaned loudly from the other line.

            “I’m talking about for real.”

            “I’m just doing my job. Stop freaking out. It was for the cameras.”

            “Bull shit. It was way too convincing to be fake.”

            “I’ve been working on my acting.”

            “Mate, there was nothing to work on. You had no potential.”

            “Wow. Thanks, Niall.”

            “Friends don’t lie to friends, so once again, you’re welcome. Now, with that being said, stop lying to me and tell me when exactly you fell in love with my soul mate.”

            “Your soul mate, huh?”

            “Yes.”

            “I didn’t think things between you two were that serious since, you know, you haven’t even met.”

            “They’re very serious,” Niall said, adding extra emphasis on ‘very.’ “Lucky for you though, I’m a good friend and since you two look soooo cute together, I give you my blessing to get married.”

            “Yeah, I don’t see that happening.”

            “Well, it should.”

 

            As the next couple of weeks passed, the support of Louis and Harry grew stronger with much thanks to Louis’s new twitter and Instagram accounts, in which he filled with posts of the couple, adding just enough personal posts so it was believable.

            Every day, Harry and Louis spent the latter’s lunch break together (except on Tuesdays, when Louis had therapy sessions.) Sometimes Harry would take lunch to Louis and they would eat in the break room, sometimes they went out and others, Louis would go to the studio to eat and listen to whatever Harry had been working on. Louis was doing pretty well with the whole ‘eating’ thing. Harry surprised him sometimes, but there were a couple instances where Louis would tell him exactly what he wanted. When they went out, Harry typically did the trick that he had learned from Zayn; pick out two meals and have Louis pick what sounded better, or Louis would close his eyes and pick one meal at random. It still wasn’t normal, Harry knew, but he could see him improving more and more, almost by the day.

            Still, sometimes, it was clear that Louis was insecure about gaining weight. He’d told Harry once that he needed to cut back, as his pants were getting too tight, but Harry responded that he looked amazing and that they would simply go jean shopping. It took some convincing, but eventually Louis agreed, and Harry enjoyed helping him find the right size that flattered his curves, maybe a little too much.

            Harry thought Louis was fine at that point, but he grew worried again when they were out one Friday; the Friday right before a big cookout/pool party one of Liam and Zayn’s friends were throwing, and all Louis was doing was shoving his food around his plate with a fork.

            “What’s wrong?” he decided to ask, though he knew Louis hated that question. “Not hungry?”

            “Nothing’s wrong,” Louis assured Harry right before a coughing fit took over.

            “Sorry,” he apologized when he got it under control. “Something has been stuck in my throat all day.”

            “Or you’re getting sick,” Harry said, admittedly a bit relieved. He wasn’t glad if Louis was sick, of course, but a cold was easier to get over than if he had been having insecurities.

            “I’m not getting sick,” Louis said.

            “Didn’t Liam just have a cold?” Harry asked.

            “Yes, but I haven’t been Frenching Liam.”

            “Well, I’m very glad to hear that. I don’t want to have to be jealous.”

            Harry winked so Louis would know that he was totally joking-because he totally was-and Louis smiled before another mini cough attack overcame him.

            “Do you have any aching or chills?” Harry asked once he’d stopped.

            “No. I told you I’m not sick.”

            “Okay,” Harry gave in, and pretended he didn’t hear any coughing or sniffles for the rest of the day.

***

            He refrained from texting Louis the next morning to ask how he was feeling, figuring if he was too miserable, then he would let Harry know, but when he reached Zayn and Liam’s it was obvious from the moment Louis opened the door that he was, in fact, miserable. His face was flushed and he was sweating despite the fact that the house was cool and he was already in his swim trunks and a loose tank.

            “Hey, Harry,” Louis greeted with a sniffle and a cough.

            “Hey, Lou.”

            “Zayn and Liam left already, but you can come in. I’m almost ready.”

            A coughing fit-more violent than the ones the previous day-erupted from what sounded like the man’s chest.

            “I think you’re sick,” Harry commented as he followed him upstairs.

            “I feel fine,” Louis said, stopping at a linen closet to grab a bottle of sunscreen. Harry reached a hand out slowly to feel the guy’s forehead, but he flinched back at the touch, so Harry quickly withdrew his hand.

            “I just want to check your temperature,” he explained. Louis gave him a mildly dirty look, but didn’t move or protest so Harry extended his arm again, laying a hand on his forehead.

            “You definitely have a fever,” he told him.

            “Well, I took Tylenol so it should be gone soon,” Louis said, shutting the closet. “We need to get going. I should have been ready by now, but I fell asleep without meaning to after my shower.”

            “Because you’re sick,” Harry pointed out, following the man down the hall again.

            “The show must go on.”

            “No. We’re not going.”

            “Yes we are.”

            “No we’re not. Get back in bed, Lou, please.”

            “No.”

            “You’re so stubborn.”

            “I don’t want to upset or disappoint you, Harry. I’ll be fine.”

            “You aren’t going to upset me or disappoint me,” Harry said with a frown. “I care more about you than some pool party.”

            At that, Harry could swear that he saw moisture well up in the other’s eyes, but he turned abruptly and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and rummaging loudly in a drawer.

            “Let me take your temperature,” Harry spoke, raising his voice just a bit. “If it’s over one hundred, we’re staying here. If not, we can go.”

            “One hundred point two,” Louis negotiated from the other side of the door.

            “Fine.”

            When Louis opened the door, he already had a thermometer in his mouth and stared at Harry, arms crossed tight over his chest as he fought to cough without letting the device fall from between his lips. Harry smiled.

            “You’re so cute.”

            He knew Louis’s cheeks were already pink, but Harry still thought he saw a blush.

            When the thermometer beeped, Louis took it out quickly, checking it before Harry could.

            “Ninety-nine point five,” he announced. “Guess we’re going.”

            “Louis, let me see the thermometer,” Harry said, holding out his hand expectantly while still smiling at the man. Reluctantly, Louis handed it over, looking defeated.

            “One-oh-one point four is quite a bit away from ninety-nine point five,” Harry commented. “Get in bed. I’m going to see if there are any juices and such in the flat and then I’ll be back up.”

            “Don’t bother,” Louis said. “Liam used up everything.”

            “I’m going to the store then. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

            “We can still go to the party.”

            “We could,” Harry agreed. “But we aren’t.”

***

Harry hurried at the store and purchased orange and apple juice, cold medicine, popsicles, tissues, soup and a vaporizer. Then, on a whim, he stopped by a nearby adult store to purchase a sexy nurse costume. It just felt necessary.

            “Lou, I’m back,” he called when he arrived back at his place, hoping his voice would carry all that way. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

            The singer changed into his new outfit, got the vaporizer ready and carried it into the sick man’s bedroom. Louis’s eyes grew wide as soon as he saw Harry’s costume and he laughed until he started up another coughing attack.

            “That’s great,” he said, taking his phone from the nightstand and snapping a picture. “I hope you know that’s being posted.”

            “I’m sure I’m going to get many job offers from hospitals,” Harry mused, heading over to the bed once the vaporizer was plugged in. “I’m going to feel your forehead again.”

            Louis allowed that, and Harry frowned because he seemed to just be growing hotter.

            “It doesn’t seem like that Tylenol is helping.”

            “That’s because I didn’t really take any,” Louis admitted, and Harry realized that he should probably have come to that conclusion earlier.

            “Of course you didn’t,” he said. “I bought cold medicine with fever reducer anyway.”

            “Of course you did.”

            Once Louis was drugged up and settled with a glass of juice and a whole box of tissues beside him, Harry put in _Grease_ , per Louis’s request, and sat down in the chair in the corner of his room. Louis was asleep before they had gotten twenty minutes in.

            He didn’t wake until much later, once the movie had been over for quite some time and Harry had found something mildly interesting to entertain him on the television.

            “Hey. Are you hungry?” Harry asked, flipping off the TV. Louis nodded, rubbing his eyes before sitting up and mustering the strength to get out of bed.

            “I can bring you something up,” Harry offered, but Louis insisted he wanted to go down with him, though he almost fell back to sleep at the breakfast bar as he waited for the food to cook.

            “Here you go,” the singer said a few minutes later as he slid the bowl of steamy soup and a few crackers in front of the man. Louis gave a sigh-and a cough-before saying,

            “Why couldn’t my real boyfriend have been like you?”

            “Don’t tell me he was even an arse when you were sick,” Harry said as he took a seat beside Louis with his own bowl of soup.

            “I got sick a lot then because of all the mental and physical stress I was under. Nick was sick, like, once throughout our relationship, so he assumed I was cheating or whoring myself out. Plus he got angry that he didn’t have anyone to cook for him or to, erm, entertain him. So…yeah, he was still an arse.”      

            Harry took his turn to sigh then.

            “You know that you’re worth so much more than how he treated you, right?”

            “I dunno,” Louis said with a shrug. “I kind of set up my own fate, really.”

            “That wasn’t fate, Louis.”

            “I’m tired, Nurse Styles,” Louis changed the subject, pushing the soup away from him even though less than half of the bowl was gone.

            “Alright,” Harry said, standing. “I’ll carry you back to bed, alright?”

            Louis nodded, allowing Harry to lift him even though he was tense. He relaxed more the further they got, though, and was already half out of it by the time they reached the bedroom.

            “Good night, Lou,” Harry said softly as he laid the man back down in bed and gave his forehead the most gentle kiss. “I hope you feel better in the morning.”

            “G’night, Harry,” Louis mumbled, burying his face halfway into the pillow. “Thank you for everything.”

 

            Harry spent the night in the chair in Louis’s room. That was where he fell asleep and, amazingly, neither Liam nor Zayn woke him up when they returned home. (Also, luckily, Harry had changed out of the nurse’s outfit before he fell asleep.)

            Louis was already awake when Harry opened his eyes, sitting up in bed and watching the TV with the volume on low.

            “How’re you feeling?” Harry asked, stretching his stiff limbs and hearing just a few unhealthy cracks.

            “Better,” Louis said, licking the popsicle he picked up from the bowl sitting on his lap.

            “Have you taken your temperature yet?”

            “Yep. Ninety-nine point five. For real this time.”

            “You’re getting there.”

            “I’m sorry I made you miss the party yesterday.”

            “You didn’t make me, and I would have rather stayed here anyway. I need to go home, shower and get a clean pair of clothes, but I’ll be back soon.”

            “You don’t have to come back if you don’t want to,” Louis told him.

            “What kind of boyfriend would that make me?” Harry asked.

            “The fake kind,” Louis said.

            “Do you want me to stay home?”

            “No, not really.”

            “Good. I can’t think of a better way to spend the day than with you.”

            Louis smiled briefly, but his face contorted into a rather amusing expression and then he let out a few loud sneezes. Smiling, Harry added to his last sentiment,

            “Even if you are a bit snotty.”

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not fic related, but regarding recent events involving the band (which I hope everyone has heard by now because I don't want to be the one to break the news), I wanted to say something inspiring, but I don't really know what. I know a lot of people are really upset, and that's okay and understandable. Just know that, even if Zayn isn't touring or making music with the band anymore, he's still and always will be part of the group, and everything is going to work out.


	12. Chapter 12

            Since Louis’s fever had persisted for most of the day Sunday, Liam made him skip work on Monday, despite the fact that Louis had a normal temperature and insisted he felt fine. Harry and Louis decided to take advantage of his ‘free’ day off, and he joined Harry at the studio for the whole day. Louis was all smiles again, and he was thrilled that they let him mix one of Harry’s songs all by himself, only helping when he asked for them to.

            “Do you want to sing this time?” Harry asked as he took one of his breaks, sitting in the empty chair beside Louis and scooting closer.

            “I don’t even have all of my voice back yet,” Louis said. “I would be even worse than normal.”

            Harry didn’t miss the sigh his producer let out, but he let it go. He wasn’t going to ruin Louis’s mood.

            On the way home, though, he did take a chance.

            “Liam told me you were almost signed for a record deal,” he began, testing the waters. Louis didn’t seem bothered by the subject.

            “Yeah,” he said with a small laugh. “Thank god I didn’t go for it. That would have been embarrassing.”

            “You were getting signed with the same label as me, right?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Without trying to sound cocky or whatever, that’s a pretty big label, Lou. They wouldn’t have wanted to sign you if they didn’t think you would make it.”

            “They’re all friends with Zayn, so yeah they would have.”

            “No they wouldn’t have.”

            Louis didn’t give that a reply.

            “Is your true dream to be a singer?” Harry continued.

            “It was.”

            “What about now?”

            “I honestly don’t know.”

            Harry wasn’t sure if he believed him or not, but he dropped the subject.

***

            When they reached the house, Louis asked if Harry wanted to stay for dinner, and after verifying that neither Liam nor Zayn would care, Harry quickly agreed.

            “Umm,” Louis said when he opened the front door and nearly tripped over a suitcase that was lying haphazardly in the middle of the floor.

            “Oh, hey,” Zayn said distractedly as he walked down the spiral staircase into the entryway to set another bag on the ground. “Stay there for a minute, please.”

            Louis raised an eyebrow, but Zayn went back upstairs without another word.

            “I drove them out of their own home,” Louis commented, moving the bags into a more organized position so as not to cause a tragedy.

            “I don’t think that’s true,” Harry said.

            “Of course it’s not true,” Zayn assured the two as he headed back down with a large, wrapped package. “Liam’s sister is having her baby, so we’re driving down there and staying for a few days. Harry, can Louis stay with you? It will be four or five days, max.”

            “Zayn, tell Liam’s sister congratulations for me,” Louis said, “and if she is ever in need of a babysitter, I would be happy to drive down there and watch the little chap. However, _I_ don’t need a babysitter.”

            “Of course Louis is welcome to stay with me,” Harry spoke before Zayn could. “Only if he wants to, though.”

            Zayn looked back at Louis, eyes worried and pleading. Rolling his own eyes, Louis sighed.

            “Fine. I’ll stay with Harry.”

            “Perfect. Thank you both,” Zayn said, smacking a kiss on both of their cheeks before hurrying back upstairs.

***

            Harry helped Louis pack, which didn’t really take long, and then they were on their way. Though he had a feeling that Louis only agreed to stay with him so as not to cause Zayn grief, Harry was still excited; something he tried desperately to hide. He thought he did a pretty good job, if he said so himself.

            At the house, Harry showed Louis to the guest room, and upon being told that no, he didn’t need help unpacking, thank you, went to the kitchen to make dinner. He hummed softly as he worked, liking the feeling of cooking for two instead of one.

            Eventually, Louis joined him in the kitchen.

            “Do you need any help?” he asked, peeking over Harry’s shoulder to see what he was making. He smiled when he saw that it was homemade pizza.

            “You cook?”

            “I used to do it all the time, yeah.”

            “Did you enjoy it though?”

            “Erm…no, not particularly.”

            “Then leave the cooking to me.”

            “I’ll still help you. I don’t mind.”

            “It’s fine, I promise,” Harry assured the other. “I like cooking, actually.”

            So Louis just took a step back and stood there awkwardly, hands laced behind his back until Harry told him he could have a seat and Louis sat down in a chair by the small kitchen table.

            “So tell me about yourself,” Harry spoke again. “I feel like I should know my boyfriend.”

            “But you do know me,” Louis said, confusion evident in his voice.

            “Not well.”

            “You know me better than I know you.”

            “Twenty questions then?”

            “Sure.”

            “Okay. You can go first.”

            “Oh, um, okay. Hm…what’s your favorite hobby besides music?”

            “Cooking and baking, actually.”

            “Really?”

            “Yeah. What’s your favorite color?”

            “Red. What’s your most embarrassing moment?”

            “Hm…I knocked myself out on the monkey bars when I was six because I was trying to be cool. That was pretty embarrassing. You know, once I woke up.”  

            Louis let himself laugh a little.

            “It’s not funny,” Harry said, turning to face the man with a smile.

            “I think it is,” Louis said.

            “Okay. It is a little bit.”

            Harry put the pizza in the oven and then went to sit across from the other man.

            “Have you always lived in London?”

            “No. Favorite vacation?”

            “You’re not going to elaborate?”

            “You didn’t ask me to.”

            “Fair enough. Spain.”

            “Spain?”

            “Spain was my favorite vacation spot I’ve been to.”

            “Oh, yeah. Right.”

            “What brought you to London? Modeling?”

            “No. I ran away to start a singing or acting career. What would you be doing if you weren’t a singer?”

            “I’d be a chef. Or a baker. Or both. Probably both.”

            “I should have seen that one coming.”

            “So you actually ran away?”

            “Well, I was eighteen, so I guess not, but I left home unannounced and never went back.”

            “Never?”

            “No. I get two questions now.”

            Harry allowed that, and really wanted to ask Louis more questions about his ‘running away’ when it was his turn again, but didn’t know if it was a good idea. He felt he’d pushed his luck with his personal questions that day.

            “You would be a good chef,” Louis commented once he had taken a couple bites of Harry’s finished pizza a while later.

            “Thank you. I’ll have to bake for you sometime. What’s your favorite sweet food?”

            “Twenty questions is over.”

            “This is a harmless question.”

            “Hm…”

            Louis seemed to be thinking intently about the question as he chewed, and Harry waited patiently.

            “Chocolate cake with fudge in the middle, syrup on top and strawberries.”

            “Wow. That was very specific.”

            Louis smiled. Harry returned it, repeating the order a few times in his head to store it to memory.

***

            After dinner was eaten and the mess cleaned up, the boys decided to make it a movie night. Louis left Harry in charge of finding a good one while he went to change and wash up.

            With much debate, Harry found one that sounded interesting and got comfortable on the couch to wait for Louis.

            When Louis finally joined him, Harry could tell something was up. He walked slowly and sat on the complete opposite end of the couch, hands folded in his lap and a blank look on his face.

            “Lou?” Harry urged, hesitant on asking the dreaded question.

            “You can’t bake for me,” Louis said softly, still staring straight ahead. “Or cook for me anymore.”

            “Why not? Harry asked, forehead creasing with worry. “Did something make you sick?”

            Louis shook his head, biting his lip then as he tugged down on his night shirt.

            “You know I’m going to ask what’s wrong,” Harry said gently.

            “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “Tell you what?”

            “That I’ve gotten so…disgusting looking and obese.”

            “Because you didn’t, and even if you were, which you’re _not_ , appearances aren’t everything, Lou. The kind of person you are is more important, and, seriously, you’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever known.”

            “I weighed myself,” Louis continued as if he hadn’t heard the second part of Harry’s words. “I know the truth.”

            “Liam and Zayn don’t have a scale, do they?” Harry asked with a sigh. He should have known.

            “They didn’t want me to see the truth.”

            “No, they didn’t want you to believe lies that you have to be a certain number to be worth something.”

            “Of course, I don’t look in the mirror, so I would have never known.”

            “You don’t look at yourself…like…ever?”

            “No. Even in pictures, I don’t really _look_.”

            “Come here,” Harry said, standing and offering a hand to Louis, who looked at it strangely for a few moments before reluctantly taking it. Lacing their fingers together, Harry led him to the bathroom, turning the other man by the shoulders so that he was facing the mirror. Louis looked down, gnawing hard on his lip, shoulders stiff.

            “Look in the mirror,” Harry said gently. “Please.”

            It took a good while but eventually, Louis looked up, staring back at himself blankly.

            “Forget everything that you’ve been told by douches that weren’t even worth your time. Do you _see_ fat, Lou?”

            Louis didn’t reply; only bit down on his lip harder. Harry was almost afraid that it was going to bleed.

            “Relax. Just tell me the truth. Do you see any?”

            “No,” he admitted, reaching a hand up to touch his face then. “The bruises are gone too.”

            Harry may have made a mildly pathetic noise because that hurt. He didn’t even know what to say, but that was okay because Louis went on.

            “I look…normal,” he said, and then sighed. “But I still don’t feel normal.”

            “Unfortunately, physical wounds heal faster than emotional ones,” Harry told him, wanting to run his own fingers across Louis’s soft skin and sharp cheekbones. He didn’t, of course.

            “Why do you put up with me?” Louis asked, crossing his arms and turning to face Harry.

            _Because I love you_ , Harry answered in his head. Out loud, he said,

            “I’m only in it for the duet, and, unfortunately for you, I’m not leaving until I get one.”

            Louis laughed, letting his arms drop back down to his side as he relaxed a little.

            “I guess it’s ‘til death do us part then.”

            “I guess it’s good I like you then.”

            Louis smiled brightly and genuinely; more so than Harry had ever seen and maybe his breath actually did catch in his throat. He wished he had his camera, though he knew his camera could never catch exactly how beautiful that moment was to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I just need to say this.
> 
> I always get uncomfortable writing about insecurities with appearances, especially weight, because I don't want anyone to think that how you look or what you weigh is really important. It's not, and if it wasn't crucial to the story, I wouldn't mention it at all. Louis's state of mind is the result of emotional abuse and being brainwashed by shallow people, and I'm only showing it for character progression and such. Please don't be like him and think that you are any less valuable because of anything you see or think is wrong with you on the outside. 
> 
> Alright, I'm done being annoying now. Have a great day, every one of you :)


	13. Chapter 13

            As the next few days passed, Harry started to realize that maybe he was getting a little too used to having Louis around. He already had his schedule memorized; when he woke, what he liked for breakfast, when he wanted to start winding down for the night. He drove him to work every morning and picked him up in the evening. It was almost scary how easily the two formed a routine, actually.

            Still, Harry really shouldn’t have gotten so mad when he woke on the fourth morning-Louis was in the shower, as he always was at that time-and saw a message from Zayn that said they would be home the next day. Alas, he _was_ angry, though at what, he didn’t even know.

            Throwing himself out of bed, Harry stormed downstairs and began preparing breakfast, as per usual.

            “‘Morning,” Louis said as he walked into the kitchen, hair still wet.

            “‘Morning,” Harry said back, and his mood must have come across because Louis flinched back, frown forming on his face.

            “Not a good morning, I see,” he commented.

            “I’m fine. Do you like pancakes? I’m making pancakes. Everyone likes pancakes, right?”

            “Harry…,” Louis trailed off before finishing his thought.

            “Yes?” Harry urged flatly.

            “Nothing. Pancakes are great.”

            Harry could hear the hurt in Louis’s voice and sighed quietly. He was being irrational. He’d known that Louis was only staying for a few days, and he shouldn’t care anyway.

            “Sorry,” he apologized, turning to Louis and trying to soften his expression. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

            “It’s fine,” Louis said, but his voice was still small as he went to sit in his seat. Harry felt bad, but kept cooking in silence, figuring he would probably make things worse if he tried to make them better.

            “Food’s ready,” he announced a few minutes later. “Get what you want. I’m not hungry.”

            Why he had made triple amounts of everything when he wasn’t even planning on eating was a mystery, even to him.

            Instead of getting up to get his plate, Louis said,

            “Zayn and Liam will be back tomorrow, so I’ll probably just stay at their place tonight.”

            “Oh, yeah, okay. Great,” Harry said, though it was the opposite of ‘great.’ “Food. Are you going to eat?”

            “Umm, yeah, I guess so.”

            Ever since he weighed himself, Louis had been worrying about his food intake again. It never got too bad, and Harry was patient; helping in the ways he could. He didn’t mind, either, but for some reason, the reluctant way Louis looked at the food that morning annoyed him.

            “Harry,” Louis nearly whispered. “I don’t know how much to eat.”

            “However much you want to,” Harry replied.

            “I don’t know, Harry, please.”

            Louis looked so stressed, scared, even, and usually, it would break Harry’s heart, but all it did that time was set him off further.

            “I don’t care, Louis!” he exclaimed, dramatically throwing his hands up in the air. Louis flinched back again.

            “Jesus Christ, I wasn’t going to hit you!” Harry said then, exasperated. Louis began chewing his bottom lip and Harry sighed. “I’m going to the studio. Eat it all for all I care.”

            With that, Harry went upstairs, changed quickly and left, not saying another word to the other man.

            Guilt settled in as he drove, and by the time less than ten minutes had passed at the studio, it was unbearable. He hadn’t only been irrational. He had been a proper dick, and he needed to make things up to Louis.

            It was clear he was going to be pretty useless at work until he got the guilt off his chest, so they let him leave gladly, and Harry sped to Louis’s work.

            “Hello, Mr. Styles!” the young man at the front desk greeted.

            “Good morning,” Harry said back. “May I speak to Louis, please?”

            “He’s not here,” the boy said.

            “Oh. Right,” Harry commented as he checked his watch. Louis had a little bit still until he had to clock in. “Do you mind if I wait here for him then?”

            “Um, he’s not coming in today,” the receptionist, Tyler, his placard read, told Harry, giving him a strange look. “He called in sick. He’s staying with you, isn’t he?”

            “Fuck,” Harry said, nothing more intelligible coming to mind. “Thank you.”

            He left quickly, literally running to his car and jumping in, pulling out his phone to call Louis as he sped back home. There was no answer. A few more curse words slipped form the singer’s mouth as he nearly began having a heart attack. Maybe Louis was actually sick, he rationalized.

            But probably not.

            How he didn’t get pulled over or worse was truly a miracle, because Harry was in panic mode the whole drive home. Louis was sensitive, he knew, and Harry had treated him terribly. He didn’t know Louis well enough to know how he would normally react to a situation like this, but he knew he sometimes acted in extreme ways to situations that were less than desirable. Harry wanted to believe his words that he would never do something like that again, but didn’t they all say that?

            _If something happens, Zayn is going to literally kill you_ , Harry told himself, though, really, he knew Zayn wouldn’t get a chance. If something happened to Louis, Harry wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

***

            “Lou!” he called as he entered his house. “Lou, where are you?!”

            Harry didn’t receive an answer, and his head spun.

            “Louis!”

            He ran to the kitchen first, and then the dining room, the bathroom, the family room…

            The living room came next, and that was where he finally found Louis, laying in the fetal position, face contorted in pain with tears staining his cheeks.

            “Lou, what’s wrong?” Harry asked, kneeling down beside him.

            “Hurts,” Louis groaned, turning his face into his arm so Harry couldn’t see.

            “What hurts?”

            “Stomach.”

            “Did you eat?”

            “Yes.”

            Suddenly, a bad feeling settled in Harry’s own stomach.

            “How much?”

            “All of it,” Louis groaned.

            “Shit,” Harry sighed. “I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.”

            Louis hiccupped and then groaned once again.

            “Can I do anything?” Harry asked.

            “No.”

            “I’m really sorry.”

            “Shouldn’t you be at the studio?”

            “I had to come back. I went to your office, but they said you called in. I shouldn’t have left like that, or acted like that, period.”

            “No, I’m sorry you had to watch over me the past few days. It won’t happen again.”

            “But…what? No, Louis, that’s not what this is about!”

            “It’s fine, Harry. Just go.”

            “I don’t want to. I’m worried about you.”

            “Please, Harry. Just go.”

            Leaving was the last thing Harry wanted to do, but, clearly, staying was the last thing Louis wanted him to do, so he stood to head back to the studio.

            “Lou…,” he began before he was completely out of the room.

            “Hmm?”

            “You’re not, like…going to…like…”

            “No!”

            “Because I just, I don’t want…you can’t…”

            “I thought you trusted me, Harry,” Louis sighed before letting out another sound of misery.

            “I’m just checking.”

            Pushing himself slowly off the ground, Louis rubbed a hand over his face before heading towards the bedrooms.

            “Lou…”

            “I’m going to bed.”

            “Alright. See you tonight?”

            “I’ll be alive, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

            “It’s just…”

            “Have a lovely day at the studio.”

            Harry sighed as he heard the guest bedroom’s door shut. The bigger part of him had been telling him that Louis would be alright, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a smaller part that was petrified he wouldn’t be. He hadn’t meant to upset him further, but he had been right earlier; he should have left well enough alone.

***

            He was still pretty useless the rest of the day, so he was sent home early. Harry hoped Louis would let him talk to him now, if he was even still there.

            Louis was there still and ran to the doorway nearly crying as Harry was entering, which quite startled the man.

            “I’m sorry!” he apologized before Harry could even ask. “I’m leaving, I’m so sorry! I’m such a fuck up. No wonder Nick hated me, and you hate me!”

            “Whoa, Lou, calm down,” Harry said, confused and growing more worried by the second. “I don’t hate you. Not at all. What happened? Is this about earlier?”

            “No. I’m sorry.”

            “Everything is going to be fine, Louis, but what are you apologizing for?”

            “I broke one of your cups,” Louis said quietly, like he’d done some great wrong, and he was looking at Harry with pure fear on his face.

            “Excuse me?” Harry asked, brow furrowing.

            “I’m really sorry,” Louis apologized yet again, and more tears were starting to well up in his eyes. “It was an accident, I swear.”

            “Did…did you say a cup?” the singer verified, perplexed. Louis nodded, fidgeting nervously, still refusing to look up. “I think I will manage with one less cup,” Harry went on.

            “What if it was your favorite?” Louis asked.

            “All of my cups look the same.”

            Without another word to Harry, Louis spun on his heel and headed back to the kitchen, still mumbling degrading remarks to himself under his breath.

            “Louis, stop, please,” Harry said, following closely behind the other man. “It’s really okay.”

            Still ignoring him, Louis knelt down on his knees and began picking up the shards of glass with his bare hands.

            “Whoa, what are you doing?!” Harry asked frantically.

            “I don’t know where the broom is and I don’t want to snoop,” Louis explained.

            “I’ll go get it. Just…stop for a minute. There’s no reason to get hurt.”

            Shaking his head-Harry was starting to see why Louis stressed out Zayn so much-he walked to his pantry and gathered a broom and dustpan. Louis reached for them, but Harry shook his head again.

            “I’ve got it. It’s okay. Really.”

            “I want to clean up my mess,” Louis argued, so, sighing, Harry handed over the supplies.

            “Was a broken glass really an issue with Dick Doucheshaw?” Harry asked as he watched Louis work, not caring that he maybe reverted back to the schoolyard with the immature nickname. It got a snort out of Louis anyway.

            “Yes,” he answered. “I got meself a cracked rib for that.”

            “I believe maybe that was a slightly dramatic reaction,” Harry spoke.

            “It was his favorite. He got in on some vacation with an ex-boyfriend who was _so_ much better than me, and it was irreplaceable.”

            “No, Louis, _you_ are irreplaceable.”

            Louis shook his head then, more tears welling up in his eyes as he headed to the trashcan to throw away the pieces of Harry’s cup.

            “I just ruin things,” he sighed. “I’ll buy you more.”

            “ _It’s fine_. Totally and completely fine. In fact, do you want to see how much I don’t care about my stupid broken glass?”

            Louis stared, one eyebrow raised, and so Harry reached into his cabinet, grabbed another glass and threw it down on the ground, sending more shards flying across the floor. Louis jumped, but composed himself quickly and looked to gape at Harry. The singer offered a small smile before breaking another.

            “What are you-” Louis began, but trailed off as Harry approached, holding another glass out to him.

            “Go on,” he urged. After some hesitation, Louis took it.

            “You want me to…you _want_ me to break it?”

            “I do.”

            “Are you sure…?”

            “I am.”

            Harry stepped back, watching as Louis tossed the dish back and forth between his two hands before finally just letting it hit the floor. Harry beamed at him before turning and getting another glass for himself.

            The two smashed glass after glass until there were no more left to break.

            “Follow me?” Harry asked once they had finished, adrenaline coursing through his veins. If the flush on his face was any indication, Louis felt the same way, and he followed Harry first to the garage, where Harry instructed him on where to grab a hammer (not wanting to get it himself in case Louis, for some reason, would think it was going to be used against him) and then he took Louis upstairs to the master bathroom, where he had hidden the scale after the other night.

            “Break it,” Harry urged again. Louis didn’t need to be told twice that time, and pounded on the device until the screen was unreadable and the middle destroyed.

            The tears that he had been on the verge of letting go of since Harry had arrived home finally poured out then at the end, and after letting the hammer fall to ground, Louis sunk to the floor himself, bringing his knees up to his chin and burying his face as he fought to keep some composure.

            “It’s alright,” Harry said again, sitting on the floor next to Louis. “You’re alright, Lou.”

***

            The evenings’ shenanigans exhausted both of them, and after eating a quick dinner of sandwiches (using Styrofoam cups and being quite amused by that fact) the two collapsed onto the couch, lying on opposite sides, the television providing some background noise for their racing thoughts.

            “Nick is gone, isn’t he?” Louis’s voice finally broke the pair’s silence.

            “He is,” Harry said back.

            “I can tell,” Louis went on. “It was like…even though he wasn’t around, I could still hear him in my head all of the time. Not, like, in a schizophrenic way or anything, but he was still controlling me. Now…I don’t hear him anymore.”

            “That’s really good, Louis.”

            A couple minutes of quiet passed again before Louis sat up and crawled to Harry’s side, lying down with his back pressed slightly against the others’ body. Harry moved so that his arms were around the smaller and then gently pulled him closer. Louis hesitated only a moment before his hand found Harry’s, and Harry kind of wanted to cry, for many reasons. He was so happy and proud for Louis, and hopeful for himself, though he knew he shouldn’t be. If the last few days had taught him anything, it was that Louis was still, indeed, in the process of healing, but he had seen improvement already. However, healing meant time, and Louis needed more time to focus on just himself. Harry would just get in the way if he went after more than what Louis was able to give.

            Though he tried not to think about it often (and he often failed at that anyway), Harry wondered what would have happened that day on the elevator if he hadn’t let Louis walk away so easily, or if he would have gone after him. Would it have changed anything, or would it have already been too late?


	14. Chapter 14

            Sometime during the evening, both men fell asleep on the couch, Harry’s arms still wrapped tightly around Louis. They hadn’t planned on spending the night there at all, but, for some reason, at some point, one of them had turned off the TV. Harry could recall that Louis fell asleep first, but didn’t remember when he himself dozed off, nor did he remember flipping off the television. He had to have, though, because he doubted Louis would wake up, turn it off and then snuggle next to Harry again to go back to sleep. No, that didn’t make sense. He clearly just forgot doing it.

            As much as he didn’t want to leave Louis’s side, he knew they would both be sore in the morning if they stayed in the position they were currently in, so he slipped his arms gently from the other’s middle and crawled carefully over top of him to stand. Then, also very carefully, he lifted the sleeping man into his arms. Louis made a small noise and opened his eyes for just a couple seconds before burying his head into the crook of Harry’s neck and letting himself go back to the land of sleep. Smiling, Harry headed to the guest room that Louis had taken over for the past few days and laid in him the bed. He wanted to get him into something more comfortable, but knew that would be crossing the line, so he covered him with the sheets, gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and went to his own room, where he barely slept for the rest of the night.

***

            “You don’t have to leave, you know,” Harry said the next day as he stood in the guest room, watching Louis pack his things.

            “What do you mean?” Louis asked, giving up on folding a particularly difficult T-shirt and tossing it into the bag.

            “Just imagine the headlines if you moved in with me.”

            Louis stopped what he was doing, looking up at Harry with wide eyes.

            “You don’t want me as a roommate,” he said.

            “I do, actually, if you’d like to be mine.”

            “Zayn would freak.”

            “Does he really expect you to stay there forever?”

            “No. I’m supposed to move out right before the wedding, actually.”

            “That’s not too far away,” Harry pointed out. “You can just move a little early.”

            “Are you sure about this?” Louis asked after silently debating it for a minute.

            “Positive. It’s nice not coming home to an empty flat.”

            “And it’s nice not having someone come check on me three times a night like I’m a newborn,” Louis admitted.

            “I think we should do it then.”

            Louis went over it once more in his mind, then, with a small smile spreading across his face, he nodded.

***

            Zayn was, unsurprisingly, not the biggest fan of the idea, but he knew he couldn’t stop Louis, and so helped him pack the rest of his things while Harry stayed in the living room with Liam, looking at pictures of his friend’s new nephew.

            Louis didn’t really have that many possessions, so it didn’t take them long to pack, and with the four of them, they got everything out in one trip. Louis gave both of his friends a big, long hug before departing, and they all agreed on making plans together for the next weekend.

***

            “So this is officially your bedroom,” Harry announced as he helped Louis unpack his belongings. “How do you want to decorate it?”

            “Oh, it’s fine how it is,” Louis assured him, because of course he did.

            “It’s boring,” Harry said. “I’ve wanted to paint it for a while now. Just never really had a reason to.”

            “How about blue?”

            “Whatever you want.”

            The two left to buy paint-and painting equipment-and began as soon as they returned. Neither were particularly artistic in that way, and while they managed to make the walls look decent, they somehow painted themselves as well, and maybe it had something to do with the fumes, but they couldn’t stop laughing about it.

            “Let’s break,” Harry said once he composed himself somewhat. “I’m hungry.”

            “Me too,” Louis admitted. “Can we order Chinese?”

            Harry almost wanted to cry with happiness. Luckily, he had not lost that much control of his emotions yet.

            “We most definitely can,” he told Louis, who smiled and took out his phone to begin searching for a place that sounded good.

            They sat on the living room floor and watched a movie while eating, then went up to finish the room.

            Since Louis couldn’t sleep in the room yet, Harry helped him gather pillows and blankets to set up a bed on the couch.

            “I know the couch isn’t the most comfortable,” Harry commented as he fluffed Louis’s pillow, “so if you decide you want to, you’re welcome to come in with me.”

            Though he smiled and politely thanked Harry, Harry didn’t expect Louis to take him up on the offer, so he wasn’t _really_ disappointed when he lay there for a few minutes with no sign of the other man. He was just starting to doze off when the feeling of the bed dipping down pulled him back.

            “Lou?” he asked, voice already groggy.

            “Mhm,” came the reply. Harry fell asleep smiling.

***

            The two woke at almost exactly the same time the next morning and were content to lay there silently in each other’s company until Louis’s stomach gave a low growl.

            “Damn it,” he groaned, and Harry laughed.

            “What do you want for breakfast, cutie?”

            Oops. He hadn’t meant to let a ‘pet name’ slip, as he was unsure he could get away with it in private, but Louis didn’t say anything about it.    

            “You worked hard yesterday,” he said. “How about we go somewhere?”

            “That’s fine with me,” Harry replied.

            “I’ll go get ready,” Louis said, sitting up and stretching before climbing out of bed and heading out. Harry stood as well, beginning the search for the day’s outfit. From the nightstand, his phone started to vibrate, and he became worried when he saw Niall’s name displayed up at him. He normally wasn’t up until at least twelve.

            “What’s up?” Harry asked, quickly answering.

            “‘Morning!” Niall said from the other end, and he sounded happy enough, so Harry relaxed.

            “Isn’t it a bit early for you to be awake?”

            “Eh, I haven’t gone to bed yet. But guess what I just did!”

            “What did you just do?”

            “Booked a flight to come visit you next week! I’ll be arriving next Saturday.”

            “Really?! That’s awesome!”

            “Yes, you shall rather enjoy my company.”

            “Of course, and you know you’re more than welcome to stay with me. However, you won’t have a bedroom.”

            “What? I thought you had a guest room?”

            So either the news hadn’t reached the media or Niall just hadn’t paid attention. That was okay. Harry kind of wanted to tell him himself anyway.

            “I did, but it is now occupied.”

            “By who?”

            “Louis. He moved in yesterday.”

            “WHAT?!”

            Niall’s shriek was so loud that Harry jumped, nearly dropping his phone.

            “Look at you!” Niall continued. “Get it, bro.”

            “It’s not like that.”

            “Mmm…I’m just saying that moving in together sounds like a pretty real relationship to me.”

            “We do have a real relationship. We’re really friends.”

            “Uh-huh. Friends. Okay.”

            “Friends.”

            “That’s what I said, Harry.”

***

            Louis finished getting ready a bit before Harry and came back into his bedroom to keep him company as he styled his hair.

            “I really like those jeans on you,” Harry commented after seeing that he had chosen to wear the tightest pair they had bought while out shopping those few weeks ago. (They were also the pair Louis only bought because Harry liked, swearing he would never actually wear them.)

            “Really?” Louis asked, of course while blushing a bit.

            “Really,” Harry assured him. Louis smiled.

            They went to a small café, where they got a table outside. The weather was perfect; not too hot yet, but still very warm…the sky clear and bright blue. Harry was elated, Louis seemed happy…it was just perfect.

            “I have a favor to ask,” Louis spoke after a couple minutes of eating contently in silence.

            “Anything,” Harry said.

            “I am officially unsuspended from driving, but I have to take the test again. I have it scheduled for Wednesday, but Zayn has an appointment with a new client and Liam is tied up with work too…so if you don’t have to go to the studio, could you take me?”

            “Of course,” Harry answered immediately. “I don’t have to go to the studio that day, actually, but even if I did, I could work around your test.”

            Louis smiled, genuinely grateful.

            “Thank you. Also, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to say yes, obviously, but would you like to go car shopping with me?”

            “I would love to go car shopping with you.”

            They headed to the dealership after breakfast, and Louis found the one he wanted immediately. None to Harry’s surprise, it was a new BMW; a sleek black one in which he could take the top down and everything.

            “So this is what you’re getting then?” Harry verified after Louis had spent a good five minutes, gushing over the vehicle. It was still just the two of them; everyone else busy with others.

            “Yeah, Harry,” Louis snorted. “Liam pays me well, but not well enough to be able to buy this babe in full, and I have no credit, so…actually, we should go to the used car section…”

            “I can buy it,” Harry said, touching Louis gently on the back, stopping him as he started to walk away.

            “Well, thank you, Harry, for pointing out how much richer you are than me,” Louis said teasingly. Harry rolled his eyes, smiling.

            “I didn’t mean it like that! I just mean that I’d get it for you if you really want it.”

            “I am _not_ letting you buy me a car!”

            “You can pay me back. It will be just like you bought it yourself with a loan, but I won’t charge you interest and you don’t have to worry about that credit shit.”

            “That’s sweet of you, Harry, but I can’t let you do that. It would take me _years_ to pay that off.”

            “That’s okay.”

            Smiling at Harry once again, Louis stood slightly on his tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

            “Thank you. Really. I just can’t.”

            “Okay,” Harry sighed. “You go on over to the other section then, if you want. I have to go to the bathroom and then I’ll come join you.”

            “Alright.”

            As Louis walked away, Harry headed to the bathrooms, but as soon as the other man was out of site, he did a 360 and went to find some help.

             If Louis wouldn’t accept the car, he’d just keep it, he supposed. No, it was a bit too flashy for him. He would give it to Niall. Niall deserved a new car.

            But he really hoped Louis accepted it.

***

            Though he made quite a scene-literally yelling at Harry in the middle of the car shop-Harry knew Louis wasn’t really mad, as hard as he tried to appear so. So Harry just let him yell until he gave up, hugged Harry and thanked him again. Harry assured him that he was welcome.

            “You know,” Louis commented as he rode home with Harry, despite the fact that Zayn and Liam had come to drive his new car home.

            “What’s that?” Harry asked.

            “If you wanted to help, you probably could have just co-signed a loan for me and not bought the whole damn car.”

            “Yeah, but the interest on that thing would be a bitch. It’s really no problem, Lou, alright? Don’t worry about it.”

            Louis didn’t reply, but after picking nervously at his jeans for a few moments, he moved his hand to take hold of the one Harry hadn’t had on the wheel.

***

            Despite the fact that he had already had his license once, Louis was super nervous the day of his test. Harry assured him he would be fine, but that didn’t help as, “You’re not psychic, Harry.”

            Though he did believe what he said; that Louis would be fine and pass his test with flying colors, Harry himself grew nervous as he sat inside, waiting for Louis to return.

            Both were nervous for nothing, though, or at least Harry assumed so when he hadn’t even gotten a chance to ask the other man how it went before the smaller man was throwing himself into his arms, literally squealing.

            “I told you,” Harry said, a wide grin spreading across his face as he held onto the guy, whose arms were around Harry's neck, head buried into the crook. Harry would be lying if he said the amount of intimacy hadn’t put him mildly in shock, but he also suddenly knew what the term ‘on cloud nine’ meant.

            Harry took Louis out for a celebration lunch that afternoon, of course letting Louis drive his new car. Upon entering the restaurant, Louis insisted that he didn’t need a menu as he knew what he wanted and he ordered the big steak without a moment’s hesitation. Harry just smiled.

            That day-the whole week actually-had gone so well thus far that Harry almost decided to finally tell Louis how he felt. He knew they had grown closer the past few days. Louis was more open with him, both emotionally and physically, and, though Harry had seen sides to Louis that he had never seen before-parts that made him happy and parts that made him sad-all of those hidden pieces of Louis just made Harry love him more. He’d seen him smile so bright that if you didn’t know better, you would think he’d never seen a day of pain in his life…and he’d seen him break, and he was glad for them both because he felt like he’d finally seen _Louis_. Not the shell that he displayed for the world. Just Louis.

            Still, as much as he wanted to throw caution to the wind and just blurt out the words, ‘Louis, I love you,’ Harry was smart enough to know he needed to refrain himself. Louis may be starting to trust him, for real, but that would change the minute he knew Harry’s true feelings. He would run, Harry knew that, and he would rather have Louis as a friend than as nothing at all.

            Still, it hurt, and it only hurt worse when Harry realized, again, that this was already temporary. One day, their fake relationship would end and, of course, they would then have to play along with that narrative. A broken up pair didn’t typically live together. They didn’t go out to breakfast or lunch or dinner. They didn’t hold hands. They didn’t dance in the moonlight.

            One day, there would be nothing holding Louis and Harry together, and that was enough to kill Harry’s mood.

            “What’s wrong?”

            The question came from Louis, and Harry tried to smile at him because, though he’d ruined his own mood, he didn’t want to do that to Louis’s.

            “Nothing’s wrong,” he said, taking a sip of water to hide the fact that his smile hadn’t necessarily made it.

            “I don’t believe you,” Louis retorted.

            “I just spaced out for a minute. I’m sorry. But I’m here now. How about a drink?”

            “A drink?”

            “Yeah. Anything but wine.”

            “But I thought you didn’t drink…”

            “It’s a special occasion.”

            “I can’t drink and drive, Harry…”

            “Oh. Yeah. Right. Good point.”

            Louis studied Harry for an almost uncomfortable amount of time, only speaking when Harry noticeably shifted in his seat.

            “Are you sure you’re okay?”

            “I’m perfect. How are you?”

            “I’m great. Thank you.”

            “What are you thanking me for?”

            “For being the best friend, and boyfriend, that a guy could ever, ever ask for.”

            “You deserve the best, Lou,” Harry said, and, wow, his voice sounded funny. Louis just smiled, though, and Harry hoped he knew that he had meant what he said, and understood that, no matter how much it would hurt, Harry hoped he found what he deserved someday.


	15. Chapter 15

            It was a full house at the airport, waiting for Niall to arrive on Saturday. Louis had wanted to go with Harry, and then Zayn and Liam tagged along so they could all grab some lunch once the other man arrived, as Harry knew eating would be his friend’s top priority.

            _Heading to you_ , Harry received as a text, precisely at the time Niall’s plane was supposed to land and, soon, he saw a familiar blonde head walking towards him.

            “Harry, my darling!” he cried dramatically, throwing himself into the singer’s arms as soon as he was close enough.

            “Hey, Ni,” Harry greeted, big grin on his face. The two may not see each other very often, but whenever they did, it was clear that nothing had changed between them.

            “Are you going to introduce me to these two lovely chaps?” the Irishman asked as he set his own feet back on the ground and let go of Harry, eyeing Zayn and Louis with mild hunger. Liam was in the bathroom, so Niall was in for a pleasant surprise in a couple of minutes, Harry thought to himself.

            “Of course,” the singer said with a laugh. “Niall, this is my amazing agent Zayn, and of course, the lovely Louis. Zayn, Louis, this is my very best friend, Niall.”

            The three exchanged pleasant greetings, and Harry didn’t miss the slightly too big smiles that his fake boyfriend and best friend exchanged. He wasn’t jealous though. Not at all.

            Once the two finally broke eye contact, both still grinning ridiculously, Niall moved his gaze back towards Harry, though his eyes stopped and focused somewhere behind his friend.

            “Do we know that babe walking towards us or is that just the hottest fan boy ever?” he asked.

            “That,” Harry said after turning to see who Niall was talking about, “is Zayn’s fiancé. Watch out, Niall.”

            “I love London,” he sighed contently.

            “Oh, hello!” Liam said with a smile once he had reached the group. “You must be Niall. I’m Liam. Nice to meet you.”

            “It’s _very_ nice to meet you,” Niall said, seeming very excited to shake the other man’s hand.

            “Alright, down, boy,” Harry said, picking up Niall’s carry on and dragging him away. “You flirt too much, you’re going to get me fired.”

***

            At the restaurant, they sat in a booth, and Harry kindly let his friend sit between him and his supposed lover. He kept an eye on Louis for the first few minutes, making sure he didn’t become uncomfortable, but he needn’t have worried. Niall and Louis hit it off immediately. Harry had never heard Louis talk that much, or seen him smile that much. He was happy that the two got along so well, though, and still not at all jealous.

            After lunch, they made a stop by the house to drop off Niall’s belongings and then went bowling. Niall was easily the best, and so he deserved all of the congratulatory high-fives Louis gave him.

            Liam and Zayn went their own way once everyone had bowled a few games, and the other three headed back to Harry and Louis’s, where they spent the rest of the day playing board games and watching movies. Harry still wasn’t bothered, even when Louis decided to drape his leg over Niall’s, asking questions to get to know him instead of paying attention to the television.

            And it most certainly didn’t get to him when they all prepared to go to bed and Louis offered to let Niall stay in his room that night so he wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch. Niall accepted because of course he did; he and Louis were soul mates. Niall had said so himself.

            Harry fell asleep with his earphones blaring so loud that his ears hurt. Just so he wouldn’t hear anything he shouldn’t, for the others’ privacy.

            He woke up before both of the others the next morning and thought bitterly that they would probably sleep for a while, as they had to have worn themselves out the previous night.

            Harry wasn’t anywhere in the vicinity of hungry, so he put on a pot of coffee and poured himself a cup before going to sit in the back. It wasn’t long before he heard the backdoor open and Niall took a seat next to him, holding his own mug of coffee and looking awfully refreshed for so early in the morning.            

            “Good morning,” Harry greeted, voice even.

            “‘Morning!” Niall said, cheerfully oblivious.

            “Did you have fun last night?” Harry asked.

            Okay, maybe Niall wasn’t _completely_ oblivious because he looked over at Harry, eyebrow cocked and an amused expression on his face, despite the fact that none of this was amusing.

            “I did. May I ask, however, what has crawled up your ass?”

            “Nothing,” Harry answered shortly. “But I don’t even have to ask what crawled up yours.”

            Niall literally chocked on his coffee then, caught between laughing and spluttering. Normally, it would be a hilarious site, but not so much that morning.

            “Nothing like that happened, Harry, Jesus,” he said once he was physically able to.

            “Hmm,” Harry hummed.

            “Seriously. I wouldn’t do that to you, mate.”              

            “It’s not like he’s mine anyway.”

            “Maybe not, but you love him.”

            “No I don’t.”

            “Yes you do.”

            When Harry didn’t honor that with a reply, Niall continued.

            “You should tell him.”

            “I don’t love him.”

            It was Niall who was silent that time.

            “Shit,” Harry sighed after a few moments, running his hands over his face. He didn’t want to admit it; didn’t want to really face it, but denying it felt wrong.

            “You should tell him how you feel,” Niall said again.

            “No. Louis isn’t ready for something like that, and even if he was, he clearly likes you. He was all over you yesterday.”

            Niall actually had the audacity to smile, but before Harry could reprimand him for being so smug over something that hurt him so much, Niall said,

            “People are just comfortable around me. Hence, why I am to be a psychologist someday. Louis is just hungry for positive human touch, and it’s pretty obvious that I’m one of the least violent people to exist.”

            “I’m not violent either,” Harry said. “You know, minus that one time with his dick head ex, but I thought we were passed that.”

            “You are.”

            “But he never acts like that around me. He’s still hesitant to touch me at all, and even scared sometimes.”

            “Because things are more intimate with you,” Niall reasoned. “If you turned on him, it would hurt a lot more, emotionally, than if I did. He barely knows me, but you mean something to him. You mean a lot to him.”

            “I wouldn’t turn on him.”

            “I know that, but try to look at it through his perspective. Almost everyone he’s trusted has turned on him.”

            Harry did see things through Louis’s perspective. He even mostly understood, and that was why he had refrained from doing half of the things he wanted to do. Niall was the one that was confused. He thought those were reasons Harry should tell. Harry knew he had to stay silent.

            “Besides,” Niall continued when Harry hadn’t replied, “He’s not even really afraid of you. He’s just afraid because he loves you too.”

            “What did you say?” Harry asked, sure that he’d heard Niall wrong; sure his mind had tricked him into hearing what he wanted to hear.

            It wasn’t like it was true, even if that was what Niall had said.

            “Louis and I talked last night, and that’s it. He told me he loves you, and I told him I was pretty sure you love him too. That made him smile and blush-he blushes a lot-but he’s still stuck in the frame of mind that he’s not good enough. He thinks you deserve better and he’s under the impression that he’s just unlovable.”

            “That’s not true at all,” Harry choked, suddenly getting emotional.

            “Obviously,” Niall said, “So make him realize it.”

            “How? This is new to me, Niall. I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know what to do.”

            “I think you do.”

            “No, I really don’t.”

            “Then you’ll figure it out.”

            “That’s not helpful at all.”

            Niall laughed, but before he could say anything else, the backdoor opened again and both turned to see Louis, bleary eyed and still in his night clothes.

            “Good morning,” Harry and Niall greeted simultaneously.

            “Good morning,” Louis said back. “What are we doing today?”

            “I was thinking an amusement park,” Harry said, already having thought of that earlier in the week. “You said you’ve never been and I promised to take you, but we only have a week or two before they close for the season.”          

            “You’ve never been to an amusement park before?!” Niall asked, gaping at Louis incredulously. 

            “Nope,” the man answered.

            “What kind of childhood did you have?!”

            “You know, I get that question a lot, so a boring one, apparently,” Louis said, shooting a quick smile to Harry.

***

            “So you’ve never been on a roller coaster then,” Niall concluded from the backseat as Harry drove the three to the park a mere hour later. (Louis had tried to take the backseat, but Niall insisted he sit by his ‘lover.’)

            “I haven’t,” Louis said.

            “You’re totally going to puke then.”

            Harry saw Louis shoot him a glance as he fidgeted in his seat.

            “I don’t want to do that.”

            “Well, you will, so…”

            “Stop,” Harry said, glaring at Niall in the rearview mirror. “It will be fine, Lou. You probably won’t throw up.”

            “Probably?”

            “Relax,” Harry told him, lacing their fingers together with his free hand. Louis smiled, staring at their intertwined hands for a moment before leaning back in his seat.

            Harry didn’t let go of his hand as they entered the park, stood in line for Louis’s very first roller coaster, or once on the ride. As it turned out, though, Louis loved roller coasters and had them go on so many of them so fast that Harry thought one more might actually do him in.

            “You’re lame,” Niall said once Harry admitted this. “I’ll go on more with you, Louis, right after I finish my gigantic cheese pretzel.”

            “Then you’re going to be sick,” Harry pointed.

            “Nah. I have a stomach of steel.”

            That didn’t turn out to be true, as Harry had already predicted, and Louis cheered at the revelation.

            “I am officially more awesome than both of you,” he announced, looking very happy over Niall’s misery.

            “I could have told you that,” Harry said, walking over to put an arm around the smaller man’s waist. Louis didn’t flinch away at all. In fact, he even leaned into Harry a bit more, big smile on his face.

            “Hush it, Tomlinson,” Niall said moodily once he was able to make his way over to the two. “I’m not afraid to make you ride the merry-go-round twenty times in a row.”

            Louis looked positively delighted by the idea.

            “I’ve never been on a merry-go-round. Can we go? Once you two recover, of course…”

            “I’m fine,” Harry assured him. “I just needed a small break. Let’s go to the merry-go-round.”

            Walking with his arm around Louis’s waist was a bit awkward, so Harry reluctantly let go, but as soon as he did, Louis’s hand found his. Harry ducked his head, hoping he wasn’t grinning too obnoxiously.

            Reasonably, Niall decided to skip that ride, so it was just Harry climbing on with Louis. Louis chose to sit on the classic horse, and Harry took the one next to him. As they sat, waiting for the ride to start, Louis looked around, taking in all of the different seats. Soon, the music started and they began moving. Apparently, Louis had been unaware that his horse went up and down, because when it rose, he let out a small scream, hands flying forward to hold onto the bar he had been neglecting before.

            “You’re so cute,” Harry said with a little laugh. Louis just smiled.

            Once the ride started slowing down, the guys were approached by a fan, who asked for a picture. They agreed, naturally, and, from the image reflected back at them, Harry saw that Louis was still smiling. It was one of the moments in which he looked carefree and…well, just _free,_ and Harry was still staring, absorbing the beauty of it all, when the camera snapped.

            They rode the ride once more after that, Niall joining that time. He sat on a horse while Harry and Louis took a carriage, Louis resting his head on Harry’s shoulder.

            “You two are going to make me throw up again,” Niall commented, but the way he was looking at the two said something different. Harry just smiled, turning his head slightly to place a gentle kiss to Louis’s.

            After the merry-go-round, Niall announced that he was going to look around in some shops and leave the two ‘lovebirds’ alone. Harry said he didn’t have to, to which Niall replied, dead serious,

            “Trust me, I want to.”

            Both were getting hungry, but decided to try one more thing before taking a snack break; the catapult.

            Secretly, Harry wasn’t the biggest fan of roller coasters. They were just so open that he always imagined falling to his death, brains splattering everywhere when he hit the ground. Though he logically knew that wasn’t likely, and that the catapult wasn’t really any safer anyway, Harry still felt safer in the launching ball than a big, open cart that threatened to fly off the tracks if something went wrong.

            Louis, however, appeared to be the opposite, screaming his lungs out each time the ball was shot upwards.

            “How are you afraid of this when you’re fearless on roller coasters?” Harry asked, trying not to laugh too much at his poor love’s terror.

            “I don’t know!” Louis exclaimed, the end of his sentence turning to a scream as the ball rocked backwards.

            “Hey, you’re okay,” Harry said, reaching over to fix Louis’s hair despite the fact that it would just be ruined again in a moment. Louis took Harry’s hand and studied the lines in it for the rest of the ride, not screaming again even once. (Just squealing a bit and maybe squeezing Harry’s hand a bit painfully.) (Harry didn’t care at all.)

            “That was fun and we should do it again sometime,” Louis said as they exited the area once they had finally been released to the safety of the ground. Harry laughed.

            “Food time?”

            “Yes.”

            Unsurprisingly, Louis wanted to get pizza, and so they did. They were quiet while they ate, Louis scrolling through his phone until he let out a loud laugh.

            “What?” Harry asked, smiling just at the sound.

            “People think we’re engaged,” he told him, still smiling down at his phone.

            “What?” Harry laughed.

            “You know how we told the fans at the airport yesterday that we were waiting on your friend? Well, apparently they think he flew in to see us get married.”

            “Wow. We move quickly.”

            “I’m kind of sad we can’t turn it into a shot gun wedding.”

            “Louis, how scandalous! Which one of us would be pregnant?”

             “You.”

            “Why me?”

            “You would look cuter.”

            “I don’t think so. Besides, it would be hard to hop around stage with a big pregnant belly once I start touring.”

            “True. I would gladly carry your baby then, Harry.”

            “Our baby.”

          “Yes. Our baby. Little Bridget.”

            “How do you know it would be a girl?”

            “Mothers know these things, my love.”

            Harry laughed again, shaking his head. Talking about these things made him a bit too happy. Obviously, Louis couldn’t get pregnant, but just talking about marriage and kids had him dreaming; had him hoping.

            And that was dangerous, so he decided to promptly drop the subject.

            “Have you ever had funnel cake?” he asked, gathering both of their now empty plates and used napkins to throw away.

            “No,” Louis answered.

            “You poor, deprived child,” Harry sighed. “Well, it comes with more than enough to share. Would you like to try it?”

            “I would.”

            Louis seemed to enjoy the dessert, though was not used to its messiness, and Harry laughed in adoration as the other accidentally covered his hands, pants and mouth with powdered sugar.

            “Here,” Harry said, taking it upon himself to use his finger and wipe a bit off of his lip, as all of the napkins were useless at that point. He was just trying to be friendly and helpful, but was taken aback when a feeling-almost electric-coursed through his body at the touch. He didn’t know what it was, but he wondered if Louis felt it too because his gaze had suddenly locked on Harry, almost as if he was in a trance. Suddenly, everything was just like the movies. Everyone and everything except Louis faded from Harry’s consciousness, including time. He had Louis vision, and he never wanted it to end. He felt so happy, so alive…almost immortal.

            “Louis, I-” he began, but Louis interrupted by crashing their lips together, which was perfectly alright. There would be time for talking later. Unless, of course, they just kissed forever, which Harry would also be fine with.

            It was a pretty quick kiss, actually, Harry thought when they broke apart, but it was still the best feeling he’d ever had. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, but, mostly, he just wanted to kiss Louis again.

            He didn’t do any of the three.

            Both men stayed frozen for a good few moments after their lips had separated. It was Louis who regained composure first.

            “Is the powder gone?” he asked.

            “Yeah,” Harry answered, somewhat breathlessly.

            “Good.”

            “Yeah.”

            Louis laughed a little then, and Harry did too, both turning away so the other wouldn’t see how long their smiles lingered.

                                                                                                                


	16. Chapter 16

            After the kiss, Harry grew more confident that this was the day. He was going to tell Louis how he felt. He was going to tell him that he loved him; that he was so in love with him that it hurt, in the best possible way.

            That didn’t really make sense, Harry realized, but love didn’t make sense. Yet, it was wonderful, and he and Louis would be wonderful when he finally told him what he’d been wanting to for a while.

            As the day wore on, though, Harry’s confidence faltered. He had been about to spill his feelings when Louis kissed him, and while he liked to think that the other man had simply been caught up in the moment and couldn’t hold back any longer, the logical part of his mind had to wonder if maybe the real reason Louis had kissed him was to stop him from finishing the sentence. Harry was an open book, apparently, so Louis had probably known what was coming. The kiss may have been a product of panic, not passion.

            So Harry stayed silent.

            On the way home, Louis insisted on taking the back seat, and Harry was hurt at first, thinking he wanted space. It turned out that his plan was simply to lounge across the seat and fall asleep, and Harry told himself that was the only reason he chose to not sit next to him.

            “Awww,” Niall cooed, turning back to admire the sleeping man. “Isn’t he cute?”

            Glancing in the rearview mirror, Harry couldn’t help but smile, temporarily forgetting his fears as he admired the content, peaceful look on the other’s face.

            Louis was still asleep when they reached the house, so Harry carried him inside to his bed. Louis didn’t stir.

            Though he now knew that nothing had happened between Niall and Louis the previous night, Harry was still secretly a bit glad when Niall decided to crash on the couch that night.

            Harry slept pretty well, to his surprise. However, he was rudely woken the next morning by a pillow smacking him fairly roughly in the face.

            “Mmm?” he murmured, preparing to open his eyes when he was smacked once again. “Ouch, what the fuck?”

            “Wake up!” the voice of his best friend ordered as he was, yet again, assaulted by a pillow, which seemed less soft by the second.

            “I’m awake! Stop hitting me!”

            “You have some explaining to do, Harry Edward Styles!”

            “What?” Harry asked, frowning as he rubbed his eyes tiredly and sat up.

            “ _What_ is exactly right!” Niall exclaimed. “What is _this_?!”

            A phone was shoved into the singer’s face and he blinked, trying to focus on whatever he was supposed to be seeing. Finally, the image came into view and a small smile tugged on the corners of his lips.

            “Oh yeah. Louis and I kissed.”

            “And why am I just now hearing about this?!”

            “Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, Niall.”

            “I do it all the time.”

            “Well, you’re not a gentleman.”

            The blonde glared but let the insult slide.

            “So you told him you love him?!”

            “No.”

            “Idiot.”

            Harry opened his mouth, ready to defend himself, but was stopped by a yell from Louis’s room. Both men’s eyes widened and Harry was out of bed and running in a split second, his friend following closely behind.         

            When they reached Louis’s room, the man was sitting up in bed, breathing heavily, and his eyes shot quickly, almost paranoid, to the others.

            “Are you okay?!” Harry asked, glad, at least that he didn’t see an intruder or any other immediate danger, but still worried nonetheless.

            “Yeah,” Louis said, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry. Nightmare. One of those really realistic ones, you know?”

            “Yeah,” Harry said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

            Louis shook his head, sighing as he threw himself back into a laying position.

            “How did I get into bed?” he asked.

            “I carried you.”

            Louis contemplated that for a moment, nodded, and then slowly sat back up, stretching before pulling off his covers.

            “I’m going to get in the shower.”

            “Okay.”

            Niall and Harry took that as their cue to leave him alone and headed to the living room, waiting until they heard the shower turn on to talk.

            “See? This is why I can’t tell him,” Harry said.

            “Because he has nightmares?”

            “No. Don’t you think it’s weird that this happened the night after…morning after, whatever, that we kissed?”         

            “Not really.”

            “Louis needs to focus on himself,” Harry continued. “He’s still not completely healed form everything that happened before.”

            “And he may never be,” Niall said. “He’s going to have scars. Everyone has scars of some kind. But you can help him, Harry.”

            “No, I can’t. I don’t know how.”

            Niall sighed, looking at his friend with a mixture of pity and disdain.

            “Are you hungry?” Harry changed the subject. “Of course you are. You’re always hungry. Let’s eat.”

***

            Louis seemed distant for the next few days, and though Niall told Harry it was all in his head, Harry didn’t think so. He feared that it would only become worse when Niall left, but, luckily, Harry had to head to the studio straight after dropping his friend at the airport, so he had a few extra hours before he had to face it.

            Or so he thought.

            The morning went well. The stress was still with him, but singing relaxed him somewhat, and he was glad for the distraction, however minor.

            He stayed at the studio when everyone broke for lunch, not particularly hungry, and decided to check up on the public’s perception of his relationship status, just to make sure everything appeared better on the outside than it felt to him.

            As usual, Louis’s name popped up when Harry searched his own, but that day, he wasn’t the only one. The headlines weren’t about just him and Louis anymore. Nick had crept in, due to the fact that he and Louis had apparently gone to brunch together. Harry didn’t want to believe it-he didn’t want to know if it was true-but something had him clicking on the link titled, ‘Louis Tomlinson & Nick Grimshaw Brunch Reconciliation?-What Happened to Harry Styles?’

            Harry was suddenly grateful he hadn’t tried to force himself to eat, sure that it would be coming back up about then because there were pictures; pictures of Louis and Nick seated in a restaurant together, eyes locked as they conversed. Louis didn’t look particularly happy. In fact, his face was completely blank, but Harry had a bad feeling about all of this; a horrible feeling.

            _What the fuck is going on_?

            Harry received the text from Zayn not too much later.

            _Wish I knew_ , Harry replied, though he wasn’t quite sure he did.

***

            The smell of food wafted into Harry’s nostrils as soon as he entered his house that night, turning his stomach, which had not fully recovered from the stress or shock yet.

            “Hi, Harry,” Louis greeted softly, suddenly shy as he walked over to see his roommate standing in the doorway. “I made dinner.”

            “Yeah?” Harry asked, trying to force a smile. Louis didn’t even try to return it as he nodded and turned to lead Harry to the kitchen.

            “Spaghetti,” Louis explained unnecessarily as Harry studied the contents on the stove.

            “There’s only one plate,” Harry noted. “Aren’t you eating?”

            “Not right now. I’m not hungry.”

            “Is there something I should know about your cooking?” Harry joked. He got a small laugh out of the other man at that.

            “My cooking is fabulous,” he said, voice still soft. Harry nodded, filling his plate a bit, unsure if he was actually going to be able to eat or not.

            Louis sat at the table with him and, as the saying goes; you could cut the tension with a knife. Harry gave up attempting to eat the spaghetti after two bites, setting his fork down and putting his hands together nervously.

            “What happened with Nick today?”

            Louis chose not to reply, gnawing on his bottom lip as he stared blankly at Harry’s plate.

            “Well, whatever it was, it got some rumors going,” Harry continued. “Rumors that you two are getting back together.”

            Still, Louis said nothing. Harry’s heart dropped.

            “Please tell me that’s not true.”

            There was still not a single word from the other.

            “Louis!” Harry exclaimed, tears suddenly stinging his eyes.

            “What we’re doing can’t last forever, Harry,” Louis finally spoke, and that wasn’t what Harry had wanted to hear. Not at all. “You deserve to be free in case you ever do fall in love. You shouldn’t be held down by me.”

            “I _am_ in love,” Harry blurted, heart racing, and he was actually crying now, but he didn’t even care.

            “You should be with them then,” Louis said.

            “But it’s you.”

            Louis closed his eyes like the words had actually hurt him.

            “Please don’t say that, Harry.”

            “But it’s true.”

            “No, It can’t be.”

            “Yes it is.”

            “No it’s not.”

            “Don’t tell me how I feel, Louis!”

            “Guys like you don’t fall in love with guys like me.”

            “ _Everyone_ falls for guys like you! You’re gorgeous, nice, smart, funny…what’s not to love?”

            “Everything!” Louis exclaimed, a slight edge of hysteria in his voice as he finally opened his eyes again. Harry knew his vision wasn’t exactly clear, but he thought he saw tears glistening in Louis’s eyes as well.

            “What did Nick tell you, Lou?” he asked, trying to keep his voice gentle though his insides were screaming.

            “Nothing,” Louis said, standing up and heading to his bedroom. Harry followed.

            “I understand if you don’t love me too, but don’t be stupid,” he said, gentleness gone from his voice again. “Nick beat you and made you starve yourself and treated you like a fucking object! Don’t go back to that, Lou, please!”

            “It’s the only way I can stay away from you,” Louis said, so softly that Harry almost didn’t catch it.

            “Then don’t stay away,” he said, trying to keep himself together as Louis began taking his clothes from the dresser. “Don’t stay away. Just stay.”

            “I can’t, Harry,” Louis said, squeezing his eyes shut again for a moment before continuing to pack.

            “Why not?” Harry asked.

            “I’ll get hurt.”

            “Nick hurts you, Louis! Not me!”

            “You don’t understand.”

            “Damn right I don’t! You tried to _die_ to get away from him, and now you’re just running back to him like none of that happened! How is _anyone_ supposed to understand that?! Do _you_ even understand that?”

            “Thank you for being so amazing and making me feel real happiness,” Louis said, slinging his full bag over his back and turning to Harry. “But I’m smart enough to know that this won’t last, and I can’t just let it slowly fall apart.”

            “It won’t.”

            “You can get rid of the rest of my stuff. Keep the car, obviously.”

            “Louis-”

            “Goodbye, Harry.”

            “Louis, don’t do this!” Harry screamed, no longer really in control of himself as he again followed Louis, who was this time heading to the front door.

            He was ignored.

            “Louis, don’t!”

            The sound of a slamming door rang throughout the house before Harry had even finished his final plea. His tears poured harder as he fell to his knees, struggling just to breathe.

            He wasn’t sure how long he sat there. The plan was to stay until Louis returned. He _had_ to return, right?

            Finally, Harry had to face the fact that, no, Louis wasn’t coming back, and he went to his bed to hopefully waste away there instead.

***

            Weeks passed, and Harry did, of course, end up pulling himself out of bed eventually, but that didn’t mean he felt any better. He didn’t leave the house unless absolutely necessary, if not only for the fact that he didn’t have the energy. His chest literally hurt almost all of the time, and breathing was even still difficult every once in a while. He told his mom, sister and Niall that he was fine, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t even close.

            Two weeks after Louis left, Harry had released his first single. It hadn’t been the one they were planning-the one for Louis-and Harry didn’t even really like it that much, but it was received positively. Harry thought maybe that was only because people pitied him.

            He stayed strong in interviews, insisting time and time again that he and Louis had just gotten together too soon after everything had happened, but that they were still friendly and there were no hard feelings.

            It was after the interviews when he would break, crying on his dressing room floor like the mess he was as Zayn held him and tried to assure him that he would be okay and that one day it would barely even hurt at all.

            Harry knew they were all lies.

            “Louis is an idiot,” Zayn said on the-fourth?-time he found Harry in his pathetic position on the dressing room floor.

            “No he’s not,” Harry choked out, clinging to Zayn like he did every time this happened. “Nick broke him and I tried to convince myself at the end that I could fix him, but I can’t. I never could.”

            Zayn didn’t say anything, just stroked Harry’s arm gently with his thumb, doing all he knew to try to comfort him even a tiny bit.

            “Zayn, how is he?” Harry asked.

            “I don’t know,” Zayn sighed after a noticeable hesitation. “He doesn’t talk to me anymore.”

            “But Liam sees him at work, right? How does he seem?”

            “He quit work,” the agent admitted, tightening his hold on the other.

            Before then, Harry didn’t think he could feel any worse, but, suddenly, he did. For the first time, he wished he had never moved to London.

            And, though it hurt him to think it, he wished he never met Louis Tomlinson.

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I'm sorry.


	17. Chapter 17

            Harry went to Zayn and Liam’s wedding alone. The almost-husbands had told him that he was more than welcome to invite Niall if he could make it down, but Harry knew he was busy, so he didn’t bother. Besides, he didn’t want his best friend to find out that he wasn’t as alright as he was pretending. He may already suspect it, but confirming it was something the singer wasn’t comfortable with.

            To everyone’s surprise, Louis was at the wedding, and even more surprisingly, he was alone as well.

            Or maybe it wasn’t that surprising, given that Zayn would probably murder Louis’s boyfriend if he tried to enter.

            Harry arrived at the wedding first, and Zayn immediately ordered him to join him while he put the finishing touches on his hair. Traditionally, Liam was in a separate room.

            “Zayn, you look fine,” Harry said with a laugh as the man grew more and more stressed by one single strand of hair that wouldn’t stay in place. “I think I like it better with the loose piece, actually.”

            “Really?” he asked, leaving it alone for a moment for examination.

            “Really.”

            “I agree,” a voice from the doorway said. Harry knew that voice, and he froze.

            “You look gorgeous, love,” the voice continued, getting closer. Zayn just stared while Harry focused on the groom’s little piece of stubborn hair like it was the most amazing thing he had ever beheld. Still, from his peripheral vision, he saw none other than Louis reach out to fix his friend’s collar. “I just saw your almost-husband and he looks exceptionally beautiful as well. You’re going to have a fabulous honeymoon.”

            “Lou,” Zayn breathed, enveloping the man in a tight hug.

            “Hey, Z.”

            Harry just stood there, bouncing awkwardly on the balls of his feet while the two hugged. Finally, Zayn let go, screamed that he wasn’t supposed to be crying yet and rushed away. Louis smiled, if a bit sadly, and turned to his ex…whatever you would call them.

            “Hey, Harry.”

            “Hi,” Harry said, suddenly feeling unequipped to handle this. He wanted to cry and scream, shake Louis and hug him, run out and stay right there, all at once.

            “I’m…uh…going to see how Liam is,” he said, turning on his heel and quickly walking out. It was hard to breathe again.

            Though no one had really expected Louis to show up, measures had apparently been taken just in case because he was no longer seated next to Harry at the ceremony or the reception. Harry supposed he should take that as an opportunity to try to forget he was there at all, but that was going to be impossible, especially since his eyes seemed to be naturally drawn to him. He hadn’t forgotten Louis’s beauty-that was unforgettable- but he had managed to forget the intensity that beauty impacted him with. And he was still beautiful, though he was a bit too thin again; his eyes showing nothing even when his lips where smiling. Harry took that as confirmation that Nick hadn’t changed at all.

            Ever since Louis left, Harry had found himself tempted to drink on a daily basis, but he always fought the urge, knowing that trying to drink his pain away would be useless anyway. However, as the night wore on-and Harry kept staring at Louis, torn between going to talk to him or going home and pretending he’d never seen him-he felt as if he was losing his mind, and so he downed glass after glass of champagne. The fact that Liam and Zayn had alcohol at their wedding in the first place was nothing short of a miracle, and Harry thought that maybe it was a gift specifically to him from the gods.     

            Or maybe not because once he had a few drinks in him, Harry decided it would be a good idea to go up to Louis.

            “Hello,” he greeted as he approached, interrupting a conversation between Louis and a woman that Harry thought was maybe Zayn’s sister. Well, hopefully, they would forgive him later.

            “Hello,” Louis greeted back, looking up and smiling a bit at Harry.

            “Can I have this dance?”

            Yeah, Harry should definitely never drink. However, the wedding was small, as the couple had only invited people they were close to and trusted with their lives (or at least trusted to keep the wedding details on the down low), and Louis surprised Harry again by accepting the hand Harry had offered. So, alright. This was actually happening.

            Harry was a klutz by nature and it was doubly worse while he was intoxicated, but Louis would just giggle whenever he stumbled and hold tighter to his hips, keeping him steady.

            The dance seemed to last forever, which Harry wasn’t necessarily complaining about, though it did wear him out a bit.

            “I need air,” he announced. “Would you like to join me outside?”

            “Sure.”

            Harry remembered that Louis had left his jacket on the back of his chair before their dance, and clumsily made his way back over to grab it for him, as it was chilly outside.

            “Thank you,” Louis said kindly as Harry did his best to help him put it on, even though he was probably making things more difficult than anything.

            “You’re welcome.”

            The land behind the reception hall was fairly expansive with a beautifully lit walkway leading down the path. The men began making their way down it in silence. Harry almost grabbed Louis’s hand before he remembered that he couldn’t do that anymore.

            “Harry, I’m sorry,” Louis finally broke the silence after at least five minutes.

            “Me too,” Harry said, and he wasn’t sure exactly what he was apologizing for, but there had to be something, surely. “How are you, Louis?”

            “Terrible,” Louis admitted, voice almost breaking. Harry’s heart crumbled a little more.

            “I want to leave him,” Louis continued.

            “Leaving him doesn’t involve driving into a body of water this time, does it?” Harry asked, realizing belatedly that that sounded very insensitive, but he’d only asked because he was honestly concerned. Louis huffed out a laugh, at least.

            “No, no. Nothing like that. I honestly don’t know how I’d do it. Leave him, that is, not…anything else.”

            “The stuff you left is still at my place,” Harry said, coming to a halt to face Louis, who stopped as well. “Just come back. Come back tonight.”

            “You kept my stuff?” he asked. Harry nodded. A small smile touched the other’s lips before he sobered his expression and shook his head.

            “I can’t do that. Nick would be furious. It could be dangerous for you. I have to end it officially. I made the mistake of not doing that last time.”

            “Okay. Just…do it in public, okay?”

            “I will.”

            “And I’ll be there too,” Harry continued. “I’ll hide.”

            “Harry….”

            “Please, Lou. Then, once it’s over, I’ll take you home.”

            “I don’t have a home,” Louis said, voice low and weak again as his eyes went downward to the ground.

            “Your home is with me,” Harry said, own voice also soft, but strong, as he used one finger to gently raise Louis’s chin and force his eyes back up. “I waited too long to tell you this last time, Louis, and maybe this is so inappropriate, but I’m tipsy and I need you to know. I love you, Louis. I’m so in love with you.”

            Louis tried to stay strong, but almost immediately, his eyes filled with tears, one slipping down his cheek before he could stop it.

            “What’s wrong?” Harry asked, wiping the moisture away.

            “You were right,” Louis said. “I was stupid to leave.”

            “I shouldn’t have called you stupid,” Harry said. “I’m sorry for that. I just didn’t understand. I still don’t, but that’s not important. The importing thing is that you’re coming back.”

            A beat of silence passed.

            “You _are_ coming back, right?”

            Louis nodded, more tears starting to fall as he threw his arms around Harry’s neck and just let himself cry.

            “I love you, Louis,” Harry said again, holding firmly onto his back.

            “I love you too, Harry,” Louis said, and Harry almost started crying then.

            “Harry,” Louis spoke again after they had stood, just holding each other without saying a word for a few moments.

            “Yeah?”

            “He found out about us,” Louis said. “I don’t know how, but he knew we weren’t really together and he was going to tell. I don’t know if people would have believed him or not, but it would have been enough to start speculation, and you didn’t need that.”

            “Aw, Lou,” Harry said and, to hell with it, he was crying just a bit as he let go of Louis’s back, keeping his hands on his shoulders. “We would have dealt with it. I would never have asked you, or wanted you, to go back to him just for my reputation or whatever.”

            “No, I know that, but I was scared already anyway. You’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with, and I didn’t expect it, and I was just so used to getting hurt. I could get through before because no one ever meant so much to me. I just…I couldn’t imagine holding on after being hurt by you.”

            “Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do,” Harry said, moving his hands to Louis’s hips. Should he be this touchy? Well, Louis wasn’t stopping him.

            “I know that now, and I’m sorry I had to hurt you to see that.”

            “It’s in the past,” Harry said. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”

            Louis nodded. “Good. Now let’s get you back inside and get you some food and water or I’m going to have to drive you home tonight, which I wouldn’t mind, but if you vomit in Nick’s car, he’ll have both of our heads.”

            While Harry ate, the newlyweds approached, looking both pleased and concerned over the pair’s reunion.

            “Congratulations, loves!” Louis exclaimed, pulling both of the grooms into a hug at one time.

            “Thank you,” Zayn said. “We’re actually getting ready to leave, so we just wanted to say goodbye. You know, for a few days.”

            “Yeah. I’ll see you when you get back,” Louis said, and the others quirked up an eyebrow each.

            “You will?” Zayn asked.

            “I will,” Louis assured him. “And, listen, I know you probably aren’t planning on opening wedding presents until you get home, but you have to at least open part one of mine because it’s for tonight.”

            Liam turned a subtle shade of red while Zayn simply shook his head, amused look on his face.

            “Have fun!” Louis called in a sing-song voice. “Love you!”

            “We love you too, Lou,” Zayn said. “Bye, Harry. Thanks.”

            Harry smiled, waving to the married couple as they headed to say their thanks to the next group.

            “What did you get them?” Harry asked Louis once they were out of earshot.

            “Trust me, you don’t want to know,” Louis said. Harry raised an eyebrow, curiosity not settled. Louis smiled.

            “We’ll just say that Liam is a freaky little boy, and I think it’s time Zayn leaned that about his boyfriend. Husband.”

            “You know that, but he doesn’t?”

            Louis smiled again.

            “You heard about that short period of time that they were broken up?”

            Harry nodded.

            “Well, Liam wasn’t exactly sober, as he leads the hubby to believe, and he talks way too much when he’s under the influence. I learned things I never wanted to know. I actually see why Zayn is so concerned about his sobriety.”

            Harry laughed.

            “You’re such a brat.”

            “I accept the compliment. It’s getting late, though, so I better get going. Are you good to drive?”

            “I’m fine,” Harry answered.

            “You sure?”

            “Positive. Lou, are you going to be alright tonight?”

            Louis nodded, standing slightly on his tiptoes to place a soft kiss on the singer’s cheek.

            “Can you be around Potters Fields Park at…erm…seven o’ clock tomorrow night?”

            “I’ll be there.”

            Louis squeezed Harry’s hand gently, giving him another small smile before saying goodbye to Zayn and Liam’s families and walking out. Exhausted, both physically and emotionally, Harry headed home not too much later.

 

            Though he was so tired, Harry found it impossible to fall asleep that night. He was just too worried. Of course, that wasn’t really any different than the past couple of months.

            Eventually, he gave up on sleep, at least for a while, and made his way to the kitchen to make some tea before settling on the couch for whatever idiotic program was playing at two in the morning. That relaxed him enough-or bored him enough, at least-to where he started to nod off a little bit. He wasn’t completely out of it, but he was gone enough to not register that the doorbell he heard was not on the TV until it rang a second time.

          Eyes flying open, Harry was instantly on panic mode and he sloshed some barely touched tea onto the ground as he set it sloppily on the coffee table and rushed to see who needed him at this early hour.

          He shouldn’t have been surprised to see that it was Louis, but he was, a little bit, though it may have been the state the man was in that shocked him more than anything. (That shouldn’t have really shocked him either, he thought later, bitterly.)

            “Lou, what happened?” Harry asked, gently pulling him into the house as he sadly took in his love’s busted lip and the beginnings of a black eye.

            “I couldn’t wait,” Louis spoke, having to painfully clear his throat. Harry nearly cringed just watching him. “I know I should have, but I just couldn’t. When I got home, he immediately began accusing me of sleeping with someone else. He tried to get me to do things with him, you know, to make up for being a whore, but I…I just _couldn’t_ , Harry. I told him that I was breaking up with him and, well, he got mad, obviously. I’m sorry to just show up like this. I just…didn’t know where to go.”

            “No, I’m glad you came here,” Harry said, pulling the other into a tight, hopefully comforting, embrace. “I’m so proud of you, Lou.”

            Louis simply wrapped his arms right back around Harry, and they stood like that until the smaller man finally pulled back.

            “Let’s get you cleaned up and put some medicine in your system,” Harry said. “After that, we’ll go to bed. Alright?”

            Louis nodded and went to the bathroom to wash his face up while Harry got him some Tylenol and a glass of water.

            “Can I sleep in your bed with you?” Louis asked after he downed a couple of pills.

            “Of course,” Harry said.

            Louis went to his bedroom only to get a pair of pajamas he had left and then joined Harry in his bed.

            “Do you need anything else?” Harry asked as Louis wiggled around to get comfortable.

            “No, thank you,” he replied, voice already becoming sleepier. “And Harry?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Thank you for everything.”

            “Of course. And Lou?”

            “Hmm?”

            “I love you.”

            “I love you too.”

            Mere seconds after his words, Louis was asleep. Harry was wide awake again, unable to take his eyes off of the other man. He hated how things had ended for him with that chapter of his life, but he was glad that it was over. This time, he felt that it truly _was_ over. Louis had gotten closure; he’d gotten finality. It could have gone better, but it also could have gone a whole lot worse, and it was over. It would take time for Louis to begin healing again, but this time, Harry felt that he was actually free to do so.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a quick update, but I felt bad with how things ended in the last chapter, and also I had a week off of work and thought it would be a brilliant idea to use that time to write fan fiction ;)
> 
> Also, I was looking over the rest of my outline today, and it seems that I completely forgot about one big section of the story, so this is actually going to be twenty chapters instead of nineteen, as I believe I previously said. I'm sorry about that.


	18. Chapter 18

            When Harry woke the next morning, Louis was no longer beside him and he almost panicked, but noises from the kitchen helped keep him calm. He smiled as he sat up and stretched. He liked waking up with someone else in the house, and he couldn’t think of anyone he would rather see in the morning than Louis.

            “Good morning,” Harry greeted with a yawn as he walked into the kitchen to find a pajama-clad Louis in front of the stove.

            “Good morning,” Louis said back with a smile; just a small one so as not to hurt his lip more.

            “How do you feel?” Harry asked, leaning against the counter next to the other.

            “I’m fine,” Louis said. “I’m great.”

            As Harry had known it would, Louis’s eye had swelled up overnight, turning a darker shade of black, but something else in his eyes had changed as well. They were no longer dead, as they had been at the wedding. They held sadness, but they also held hope and strength.

            Louis was so much stronger than anyone had ever given him credit for.

            “You know you don’t have to cook, right?” Harry verified.

            “I know, but I’m starving,” Louis admitted.

            “How bad was he this time, Louis?” Harry asked.

            “Not quite as bad. I wasn’t near as vulnerable as last time, but he was still Nick.”

            There was nothing that Harry could really say to that, and he knew it, so he went for ruffling Louis’s hair instead, earning himself a slightly bigger smile from the other man.

            “It doesn’t matter anyway,” Louis continued. “It’s in the past, and it’s over.”

            “It’s over,” Harry agreed.

***

            After breakfast, the two spent the morning cuddling on the couch, talking about nothing in particular. Harry had expected to be back at square one with Louis, but he actually seemed to be in a better place mentally than before he’d even left. This guy just continued to amaze him.

            “Alright,” Louis broke one of the rare moments of quiet as morning drew to a close. The two hadn’t even showered yet and Harry was already growing hungry for lunch. It was definitely a pizza kind of day, he decided.

            “Alright,” the singer repeated, letting the other know he was listening.

            “If we’re going to do this, you need to know my whole story.”

            “This?”

            “Be together,” Louis clarified. “Wait, that’s where this was headed, right?”

            “I sure hoped so,” Harry said, huge smile on his face. The worry lines on Louis’s face smoothed out.

            “Good.”

            “So what would you like to tell me?” Harry urged.

            “I told you I ran away, kind of, but I never told you anything else. So I feel like I should.’

            ‘It wasn’t like my life was terrible or anything. I grew up in a privileged family, and I guess I was actually pretty lucky, but the life I was living…it just wasn’t me.’

            ‘My father was the one with money, and most of it was just from inheritance, but it went to his head. He wanted everyone else to know he had money too. We always had to dress up and be on our best behavior. My sisters and I couldn’t do anything, really. We had to ask permission to speak, and do things like read books or play piano for fun. It could have been worse, I know, but I wanted to play football. I wanted actual friends, not the other brainwashed kids I was forced to talk to about school and literature with, or life’s great philosophies.’

            ‘I started rebelling in secondary school. I took my weekly allowance and bought band T-shirts and ripped up jeans. I started partying with the public school kids. The final straw for my dad was when he busted me making out with another guy in the back of his car. He had passed off my previous behavior with some made-up mental illness and tried to send me to a therapist. I always skipped the sessions, of course, but saying I was going looked good for him. But when it turned out I was gay…well, he just couldn’t have that. I was literally locked in my room like a damn Disney princess or something. Soon, I realized I was going to have to save myself and not wait on a sorry excuse for a Prince Charming, so, one day, while everyone was gone, I broke down the door and left. I thought it would be easy to go to London and get a record deal, or acting gig, but it wasn’t. I had no money, and so was on the streets whoring myself out when Zayn found me.”

            “Jeez, Louis,” Harry said unintelligibly, but he had no other words at that moment.

            “I know,” Louis sighed. “I understand if you’ve changed your mind about everything.”

            “Of course I haven’t,” Harry said, taking Louis’s hand in his own. “I’m just sorry you had to go through all of that.”

            “It wasn’t like it was terrible or anything,” Louis said again. “I would have been let out of the room eventually, when they found a job for me, or somewhere to send me, so it’s my fault. I was naïve.”

            “It wasn’t your fault. You should have never been put in that position. But did you ever think about going back?”

            “I did, and I tried. When things with Nick first got really bad, I called home, begging for someone to come get me, but my dad said they didn’t want me back. He said all of them-him, my mum, my sisters-were all a lot happier without me. He thanked me for leaving.”

            “Did you ever get your mum’s side?”

            “She changed her number. I never could get ahold of her. Eventually, I did manage to sneak enough money away to take a train back home, but they had moved. They moved so I couldn’t find them.”

            “It might not be like that, or it could have just been your father. Did you have an alright relationship with your mother? If I may ask.”

            “Yeah. She signed me into a small football team and helped me sneak off so I could play for a couple of years. When my dad was gone, during the times I was locked in my tower, she let me come out of my room to spend time with my sisters. But I’m not sure she cared all that much when I left.”

            “I’m sure she did, and I bet we can find her.”

            “Nah. If she ever was upset, she’s over it by now.”

            Harry didn’t agree, but he stayed silent. Maybe that was what Louis had to tell himself to feel like what he did was right, and that was fine. He had been stuck in a position in which there was really no right or wrong. He knew, though, that if it had been his mother, she would never have gotten over it, and it was clear while Louis was talking how much he missed her and his sisters, so he hired someone secretly to locate the Tomlinson family.

            His guy succeeded, and Harry soon had an address, so while Louis was spending some much needed quality time with Zayn and Liam the next week, Harry found himself traveling to see the family that Louis hadn’t seen himself in years.

            The door was answered soon after he rang the bell by a girl who looked to be about thirteen or fourteen. Her mouth dropped when she saw who was waiting there, facial expression showing pure shock.

            “Hello!” Harry said with a smile. “I’m Harry.”

            The girl stared for a moment longer before she pulled herself together.

            “Mummy!” she called out. “Mum! Louis’s boyfriend is here!”

            _Louis’s boyfriend._ That was something Harry could get used to being called. He was, officially, Louis’s boyfriend too.

            The two had a hard time deciding on how to drop the news to the public. Louis was afraid the general public hated him now for what he did to Harry, but Harry said, even if that was true, they just didn’t understand. They had to help them realize what had happened. Knowing that it was either his reputation or Nick’s going down the drain, Louis posted a picture of him and Harry to Twitter and Instagram, bruises on his face and all. The caption read, ‘Back where I belong. Back where I’m safe <3’

            Of course, things blew up after that. Magazine after magazine and television show after television show requested interviews, but Harry kindly asked that they give them time, promising the truth would make itself known eventually. As it was, things for Nick weren’t looking so great. It was both a very good thing and stressful, but they were together, and Harry knew it would all work out.

            “Fizzy!” another female voice said in exasperation as a slightly older girl made her way over. “How many times do I have to tell you to not talk about Louis! It makes mum upset, and I know you think he is, but he’s not coming-”

            The older teenager’s words were cut short when she saw Harry standing in the doorway, and her mouth fell open as well.

            “Hello!” Harry said again. “I’m Harry. I was wondering if I could please talk to your mother?”

            Both girls stared for a few moments before the older said, “Fiz, go get mum.”

            Fizzy ran off and Harry offered the other another smile.

            “Is Louis with you?” she asked, standing on her tiptoes in an attempt to look past Harry, who was still standing outside their door.

            “He’s not. I’m sorry.”

            She tried to hide her disappointment, but Harry could see it. It was clear that at least not everybody had been happier without Louis.

            “What’s going on?” someone else asked soon, and Fizzy appeared back with two other girls and a woman who had to be Louis’s mom.

            “Hi, Mrs. Tomlinson. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was just wondering if you would be willing to talk to me for just a few minutes? It’s about Louis.”

            The woman’s eyes grew wide, and actual terror crept onto her face.

            “Louis? What happened to Louis? What’s wrong with my son?!”

            “Oh, no, it’s nothing like that,” Harry was quick to assure her. “Louis is fine, I promise you.”

            “Oh. Oh, god. Thank god,” she breathed, hand clutched to her chest. “Yes, yes, come in. I’m sorry.”

            “Nothing to apologize for,” Harry answered her, stepping in. Fizzy closed the door behind him.

            “We’ll go to the living room,” the woman said. “Girls, please just give us a few minutes alone.”

            “But I want to hear about Louis!” the youngest of the girls argued.

            “Later.”

            “Well, can we at least know where he is?” the oldest sister spoke.

            “Right now, he’s in London with his friend; my agent. Zayn Malik. Have you heard of him?”

            “Yeah. He’s hot,” one of them said. Harry laughed.

            “Alright, now please, ladies,” Mrs. Tomlinson said, and they all reluctantly went their separate ways. “Would you like some tea or anything, Harry?”

            “No, thank you. I’m sorry if this is a rude question, Mrs. Tomlinson, but is Mr. Tomlinson here, or going to be here soon?”

            “Mr. Tomlinson actually doesn’t live here,” she said as she sat on a chair once in the living room, and gestured for Harry to do the same. “And you can call me Jay.”

            “Oh. I’m sorry about that.”

            “You don’t have to apologize, my dear. You didn’t know.”

            Harry nodded, offering a small smile in response to the one given to him.

            “I guess I’ll cut to the chase then. Would you like to see Louis again sometime? What I mean is…he really misses you guys, but he’s afraid that he wouldn’t be welcome anymore.”

            “Of course he’s welcome,” Jay said. “He’s always welcome to visit.”

            It only took a moment for the woman’s carefully constructed wall to crack, and she blinked furiously as tears fought to make their way out of her eyes.

            “He’s always welcome to come home. I’m ashamed he ever had to question that.”

            “I don’t think it had anything to do with you,” Harry reasoned, and Jay pursed her lips.

            “I should have made his father leave a long time ago.”

            “Please don’t blame yourself for what happened.”

            Harry had done his fair share of silently berating Louis’s mother on the way over, wondering how she could just let her child be locked away, especially for something as harmless as the gender he would love, but it was clear now that she had done enough blaming of herself. It wasn’t like it would change anything anyway.

            “You’re sure he wants to see me?” Jay asked, dabbing at her eyes with a slight blush on her face. Harry knew where Louis got it from now.

            “Yes, but I want to make sure it’s going to be good for him. I’m sure you’re upset with him for leaving, and I understand, but I don’t want him being made to feel worse over it than he already does.”

            “Oh, I’m not upset with him for leaving,” Jay said. “I’m upset that it got the point that he felt he had to go.”

            She took a breath.

            “Harry, I heard about everything that happened; how my baby…how he…”

            “The car wreck?” Harry asked gently. She nodded.

            “Yes. That. And…is he happy now? Is he okay?”

            “Louis has been through a lot,” Harry admitted, “but he’s alright.”

            “But he’s not happy?”

            “He’s getting there. He’s not sad. You have a strong one.”

            The woman gave a watery smile, using the tissue to dab her eyes again.

            “Yeah. I do.”

            They got down to business after that, and decided that Louis and Harry would visit around the holidays. It seemed like a long time for the mother, but Harry explained that he wanted to work with Louis and just let him relax for a few more weeks before putting him through yet another emotional roller coaster. She understood.

            Before Harry left, the girls were called back out to introduce themselves properly. After that, Phoebe wanted to show Harry some of Louis’s old things that they had brought with them when they moved, as well as baby pictures because, “It’s not a true relationship until you’ve seen the naked bathtub pictures.” They wanted to see recent pictures of Louis then, so Harry showed off all of the ones on his phone, even the ones that were never shown to the public.

            Harry had to speed a bit to get back to Zayn and Liam’s for their game night before he was too late and Louis got suspicious.

            “Babe!” Louis exclaimed excitedly once Liam had answered the door and led Harry to where the others were at. Harry at first wondered if Louis had been drinking, but he smelled no alcohol as he sat next to Louis and the smaller man leaned up to give him a kiss on the lips.

            “Hey, gorgeous,” Harry said, throwing an arm around the other’s shoulder.

            “Missed you,” Louis said as he rested his head against Harry.

            “I missed you too.”

***

            As the night wore on, it was clear that something had changed, for the better. Louis seemed positively energized, talking a lot and loudly accusing others of cheating whenever he lost a game.

            “I’m going to start dinner,” Zayn announced at precisely five o’ clock that evening. “Harry, would you care to join me for a minute?”

            “Sure,” Harry said, silently wondering what he did that time. However, once the two were in the kitchen, Zayn turned to him with a smile on his face, taking the singer slightly aback.

            “Thank you,” Zayn said, confusing the man more.

            “You’re welcome,” he replied anyway. “But what for?”

            “I don’t know how you did it, but Louis is back.”

            “I don’t think that had anything to do with me,” Harry said. “He wanted to leave anyway, and I think he would have done it eventually whether or not I was involved.”

            “I don’t agree, but that wasn’t what I was talking about anyway.”

            “Oh. What do you mean then?”

            “Like, he’s back to himself. He’s joking around. He’s opening up. He’s loud. He’s happy. He’s just…he’s just Louis, and I haven’t seen this side of him in…almost four years. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see it again.”

            “He’s stronger than any of us could ever imagine,” Harry said. He appreciated Zayn’s words, but he didn’t want to take all of the credit. Louis had been the one to walk away from the situation he was in, and he had to pull himself back together himself. Harry tried to help, of course, but in the end, it was all up to Louis.

            “No, I know he is,” Zayn spoke. “I’m not trying to undermine that, but you gave him something to come back for. And you gave him something to stay for. I think that, tonight, for the first time in a long time, I’ll be able to go to sleep without wondering if I’m ever going to see Louis again, at least alive.”

            Those words gave Harry chills, and he crossed his arms.

            “I’m sorry, I honestly have no idea what to say to that,” he said. The idea of anything happening to Louis was just too painful.

            “It’s okay,” Zayn assured him. “I just wanted to say thank you, and also, I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t the biggest supporter at the beginning when I found out you had actually developed feelings for him. I was a bit of a dick, and I know that, but I was scared. There are very few people who I’m really close to; just my family, my husband, Louis, and now you. I’m protective over those people, to the point that I know it drives them crazy, but losing them is my biggest fear. I just wanted what was best for Louis, but now I see that it was you all along.”

            “It’s okay,” Harry replied, sincerely. “We were on the same page.”

***

            Things with Louis only continued to get better. They felt like a real, actual couple, which they were, but Harry had never expected it to feel so _normal_ so soon. They slept in the same room every night, and it wasn’t too long before Louis had moved his clothes into Harry’s dresser and closet. They took turns making dinner, Harry cooking on his off days or whenever he got home early, and Louis all the other times. Whenever it was Harry’s turn, Louis would sit on the countertop next to the stove, watching and occasionally stealing food or kisses. Every day, the bruises Nick had left on his face faded more until they were invisible. Harry knew it would take time for the ones on his heart and mind to do the same, but, slowly, they were.

            _He’s happy_ , Harry sent a text to Louis’s mother a couple weeks before Christmas.

            With the holidays came Louis’s birthday, and Harry, Liam and Zayn decided to throw him a party at the married couple’s house. They invited all of their friends, including Louis’s old hometown friends, which he reactivated his old Facebook to find. Though almost everyone RSVP’d saying they’d be there, Louis didn’t really believe them, especially since his birthday was on Christmas Eve, but when the day arrived, Liam and Zayn’s place was packed with both familiar and unfamiliar faces, including Niall and his new boyfriend; a guy named Josh from a small band near Niall’s hometown. Harry liked him, and told Niall to hold onto him. Niall told him he had nothing to worry about.

            As expected, Louis got spectacularly trashed at the party, and Harry suddenly wished they’d thrown it a day earlier so Louis wouldn’t be miserable upon meeting Harry’s family on Christmas day. He was having fun at that time, though, which Harry guessed was all that mattered at the moment.

            Harry had rented a karaoke machine for the party and, as he’d hoped, Louis was brave enough while under the influence to get up there and sing. (Multiple times, actually.)

            “You’re amazing, baby,” Harry told his boyfriend for the third time that night as Louis stumbled away from the machine and the cheering crowd to let himself fall into Harry’s arms.

            “I’m thinking of re-pursuing my music career,” Louis admitted, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck. Currently, Louis was still unemployed, and Harry assured him that he was more than happy to support both of them until Louis figured out what he really wanted to do. Louis wouldn’t have that, of course, and had given himself until the first of the year before he took another job with Liam.

            “I think you would be very happy doing that,” Harry said, holding onto Louis’s hips and smiling down at him.

            “I think so too,” Louis agreed.

            “Does that I mean I get my duet?” Harry asked.

            “Maybe,” Louis replied, and winked. Well, he tried to wink, at least.

***

            As anticipated, Harry was woken to the sounds of indefinite illness early the next morning (Louis had literally passed out on the floor as they were leaving the party), and he threw himself out of bed to go check on his birthday boy.

            “Are you okay?” he asked as he went to sit on the tub next to the toilet.

            “Do you see how nervous meeting your family is making me?” Louis asked, throwing himself dramatically against Harry’s legs.

            “I think that’s the alcohol, darling,” Harry reasoned, playing with Louis’s hair softly.

            “Alcohol has never betrayed me like this,” Louis said.

            “Tequila shots mixed with fireball shots would mess anyone up.”

            “Your mum is going to hate me.”

            “No she won’t. You’ll sleep it off before we leave.”

            “I think I’m going to puke forever, actually,” Louis stated.

            “You won’t,” Harry assured him. “Can you go to bed yet?”

            Louis nodded, and Harry helped him back to the bedroom. He fell asleep almost instantly, and after giving a fond little laugh, Harry kissed his forehead and went back to sleep as well.

            They were woken two more times throughout the night, and Harry was starting to get concerned, but Louis passed out once again around four thirty and was still asleep once seven AM rolled around, so Harry was hopeful that they were in the safe zone.

            Louis stumbled downstairs just as his egg sandwich was finishing up.

            “Hey. Feeling better?” Harry asked.

            “Yeah. Think I’m still a little drunk though.”

            “Well, I have food and some Gatorade for you. They’re good for hangovers. I googled it.”

            “Is it good for nerves too?”

            “You don’t need to be nervous. My family is really excited to meet you.”

            “Even though I’m a suicidal drunk?”

            “I don’t think you classify as a drunk quite yet,” Harry teased, walking over to place another kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. “Are you suicidal?”

            “Well, no.”

            “Then I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

***

            Harry was right again, as he knew he would be. The day went smoothly. Once Louis had food and some pain killers in his system, he felt much better, despite his lasting nerves.

            When they reached Harry’s mom’s place, she opened the door before they could even ring the bell, immediately pulling Harry into a tight hug. She even gave Louis a hug after that, telling him happy belated birthday and the typical ‘we’ve heard so much about you.’

            Gemma, Harry’s sister, loved Louis right away, as did his dad and step-father. Though his parents were divorced, they all decided to spend Christmas together that year so the boys wouldn’t feel rushed. His parents were still friendly with each other, but Harry was still a bit worried that the set-up would be awkward, and was relieved that it wasn’t. Most attention was focused on him and Louis, his family wanting exclusive updates on his career, all while trying to get to know Louis.

            Harry was surprised when his mom went to make dessert and Louis was the first to volunteer to help, actually eager to do so.

            “I love your family,” Louis told Harry when he had returned and sat in between him and Gemma again.

            “I love you,” Harry said. Louis kissed him then, right in front of everyone. Harry was pretty sure his mom teared up, for whatever reason, but she was smiling, so he didn’t worry too much as he placed his hand on Louis’s knee and leaned back to continue his current conversation with his step-dad.

            It was Harry who helped his mom re-set the table once the dessert was ready, and she gave him another hug once in the seclusion of the kitchen.

            “I’m so happy you found someone,” she said, too quiet for anyone else to hear.

            “I honestly didn’t think it would ever happen,” Harry admitted.

            “I know, and I know you said you were fine with that, but I still feel better knowing that you have someone there for you when we can’t be.”

            Harry smiled, wiping his mother’s eyes for her as she became teary once again.

            “Don’t cry, mum. It’s Christmas. You’re supposed to be happy.”

            “I am happy because you’re finally happy. I’m glad you found someone, Harry, and I’m really glad that it was him. He’s lovely.”

            “He is, isn’t he?” Harry agreed, wide smile across his face.

***

            After dessert was the gift exchange. Louis didn’t expect to get anything, Harry could tell from his expression when there were presents placed in front of him, and Harry was happy that he’d let him buy his family something as well, though it had taken most of the money from his savings.

            The two stayed until late into the night, when Harry could tell Louis was winding down, but didn’t want to say anything, and so he announced that they should be going, as they had plans tomorrow.

            “That’s news to me,” Louis said, looking at Harry, confused.

            “I know it is,” Harry said, pecking a kiss onto the man’s lips.

            “What are they?” Louis asked.

            “I’m taking you somewhere special.”

            “Where?”

            “It’s a surprise.”

            “Tell me!”

            “No. Are you ready?”

            Louis glared, but stood to say his goodbyes to Harry’s family. Once in the car, though, the pestering began again.

            “I’m not telling you, Louis,” Harry said for what felt like the billionth time, and then changed the subject. “There’s a notebook and pen in my backseat. Grab it and let’s start writing ideas for our duet.”

            Louis didn’t cooperate at first, but eventually gave in.

            They had a song written before they’d reached their home.

            “We work so well together,” Harry commented, high-fiving Louis a bit awkwardly while still driving.

            “We’re so good together,” Louis said, lacing their fingers together instead of letting Harry let go.


	19. Chapter 19

            “Why won’t you tell me where we’re going?”

            “Because.”

            “That’s not a good excuse.”

            “Well, darling, that’s the excuse you’re getting.”

            “How do I know what to wear?”

            “Wear whatever you want. What you’re wearing now is fine.”

            Louis glared, hand on his hip, and Harry smiled.

            “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

            “Ugh!” Louis yelled in disgust, throwing his hands into the air as he headed back to the bedroom to find some shoes. Harry laughed.

            The day had finally arrived; the day that Louis was to be reunited with his family and Harry was excited, but nervous. He knew going behind Louis’s back had really been his only option, but he still felt bad about it. Louis had been so open with him, and now Harry was hiding a secret. Still, he wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t thought it was for the best, so he had no regrets as the two climbed into his car and began the drive.

            “What is this?” Louis asked once they finally arrived at the house.

            “Babe, please don’t be mad,” Harry said, taking Louis’s hand and making small circles into the skin with his thumb.

            “Harry, what’s going on?”

            A knock on the car window made them both jump, and Harry turned to see Daisy outside, waving excitedly, her smile about splitting her face in two. Louis, on the other hand, looked like he might faint.

            “It’s okay, babe,” Harry said soothingly. “They really want to see you.”

            “Louis, hi!” Daisy shouted, now bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Do you remember me?!”

            Louis had to stare for a while longer and then physically shake himself, but color started returning to his face as he slowly opened the door and stepped out of the car. Harry followed suit.

            “Of course I remember you, Daisy,” the girl’s brother said. “You’re a bit taller than the last time I saw you, but I could never forget you.”

            Somehow managing to smile wider, Daisy threw herself into Louis’s arms, clinging to him tightly. The house’s front door opened then, and two more sisters ran out; Phoebe and Fizzy. Harry stayed back as they all exchanged hugs, Fizzy and Louis tearing up.

            “Alright, get inside, you lot,” Louis sad, nonchalantly wiping his eyes. “You don’t have coats on and it’s freezing. You’re going to get sick.”

            “Are you coming in too?!” Phoebe asked, pure hopefulness on her face and in her voice. “Dad doesn’t live here with us.”

            “Yeah,” Louis said, hesitating only a moment. “I’ll come in for a few minutes.”

            Seeming satisfied, the girls ran inside, and the men trailed behind, Harry keeping his hand supportively on Louis’s lower back. It was hard to read how he was feeling, but Louis probably didn’t even know exactly what he was feeling right then. He didn’t seem mad, at least.

            “Mummy and Lottie are in the living room,” Daisy explained, taking Louis’s hand and beginning to lead him away. Louis looked back, eyes wide, to make sure Harry was following.

            “I’m right here,” the singer assured his boyfriend.

            “Harry visited before, Louis,” Phoebe said. “We showed him baby pictures of you.”

            “Oh, did you? Thank you so much,” Louis said, clearly sarcastic. The girl didn’t pick up on it.

            “You’re welcome. He even saw the one where you’re naked in the bathtub.”

            Harry knew that news would likely not excite the other man, but he wasn’t even sure he heard because they had rounded the corner and were now a mere few feet from the living room, where Jay and Lottie were sitting on the couch silently. Jay looked quite nervous herself. Lottie tried to appear calm for a few seconds, but her emotions got the better of her the closer Louis got, and she launched herself off the couch, running to throw her arms around her brother’s neck and bury her head into his shoulder as she began to cry.

            “Don’t cry, Lots,” Louis said, though his voice cracked as he wrapped his arms around his sister.

            “We were so worried!” Lottie cried, and Louis’s grip on her tightened.

            “I’m sorry.”

            “You’re so stupid!”

            “I know.”

            “I missed you so much!”

            “I missed you too.”

            The hug lasted a while, with Jay fidgeting on the couch in the meantime, until Phoebe cleared her throat.

            “Ooookay! This is awkward!” she announced. Louis and Lottie both gave watery laughs and let go of each other, Lottie wiping her mascara-streaked eyes.

            “When did you start wearing make-up?” Louis asked, eyes narrowed.

            “Oh my god, shut up,” the teen said with a roll of her eyes, shoving her brother gently. He only laughed, but sobered up quickly as Jay stood from the couch, unsure. She and her son simply stared at each other for a good while, everyone staying deathly silent with the tension, before Louis finally spoke.

            “You changed your number.”

            “ _He_ changed my number. He changed everything.”

            “He said you all were happier without me.”

            “That wasn’t true. That has never been true.”

            “I tried to come home.”

            “Louis, I’m so sorry.”

            Tears began pouring out of her eyes then, and Harry felt a small hand grab onto his. Looking down, he saw a worried little Daisy leaning into him.

            “It’s okay,” he assured her gently, pulling her closer to his side.

            “Did you even try to find me?” Louis continued.

            “I did, boo, I did. I searched as often as I could. I gathered a whole search team, but you were gone. Then, when I did finally find out where you were, things were going so well for you. You had a modeling career, a boyfriend…You were living the life you wanted. I knew trying to get you to come back home was pointless then.”

            “Things weren’t going well,” Louis said, and the woman bit her lip, eyes going down to focus on the floor. “That wasn’t the life I wanted. I wanted to come home.”

            “I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t change anything, but I am, Louis. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for the childhood you never had. I’m sorry we ignored you when you were trying to tell us that you couldn’t live the way we were forcing you to live anymore, and I’m sorry that you were the one to leave instead of him. I’m sorry.”

            The silence dragged on for what seemed like hours, no one, probably not even Louis, knowing how he was going to react, but finally, he let out a sigh.

            “Yeah. I’m sorry too.”

            Making his way over to his mother, Louis pulled her into a hug. That did her in, as she lost all composure.

            “There are too many emotions in this room,” Fizzy said. “Come on, Phoebs; Daisy.”

            “No!” Daisy said, letting go of Harry’s hand to run and throw herself into the hug. Phoebe jointed next, then Lottie and, finally, Fizzy. Harry smiled, but walked to the other room, giving the family some much needed alone time.

            At least five minutes passed before Harry heard his name being shouted frantically.

            “Still here, babe,” Harry called to assure his boyfriend as he headed back to him. Louis met him halfway, pulling Harry into an embrace.

            “Are you okay?” Harry asked, kissing the top of the other’s head as he trailed his fingertips soothingly up and down his back.

            “I’m okay,” Louis said.

            “Are you wanting to leave or stay for a while longer? It’s totally up to you.”

            “Stay,” Louis answered right away. “Come join us?”

            “I’d love to.”

***

            All in all, the day went better than Harry had ever expected. There was still a touch of awkwardness between Louis and his mother, but he felt that would pass with time. As for Louis and his sisters, it was like nothing had ever happened, besides him simply going away for a little while, like on an extended vacation. They spent the day catching up, Louis asking about school and, in Lottie and Fizzy’s cases, boyfriends, and he told them about London, both the pros and cons of modeling, and his plans for the future. Fizzy asked if they could visit them in London sometime, and Louis assured them that they could.

            On the way home, Louis was abnormally quiet, which did worry Harry, but the minute he had pulled into the garage, Louis leaned across the seat to give him a long, passionate kiss.

            “Thank you,” he said softly when they broke apart.

            “I wanted to help you get in touch with your past for a better future,” Harry said.

            “Are you going to be in my future?”

            “Of course. I’m not going anywhere, Lou.”

            “Then, my love, my future couldn’t be brighter.”

 


	20. Epilogue (of sorts)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the lyrics to the song "White Balloons" by Sick Puppies because that was the song used in the trailer my brother made, and also because I think it fits them in this story. More talk about that in the end notes. (Hopefully not a lot. I tried to keep things semi-brief!)

            “Are you ready for this?”

            “I’m ready.”

            Though his voice was confident, Louis’s face held anxiety, and Harry kissed him, hoping to ease his mind even a little bit.

            “It’s going to be okay, baby, I promise.”

            “I don’t deserve you, Harry.”

            “Hey, don’t say that. Yes you do.”

            Louis’s eyes traveled to the ground as he began his nervous habit of chewing his bottom lip. Harry lifted his chin and pressed another kiss on his lips.

            “I know you’re nervous for the interview, but you’re being harder on yourself than anyone else will.”

            “I hurt you. They _should_ be hard on me.”

            “No, Lou, they shouldn’t.”

            Harry sighed, sitting back on their hotel bed and pulling his boyfriend down with him. That day, they were giving their first interview since their reconciliation, and Louis had been nervous for a whole week, since they scheduled it. Though they had been on damage control for a while, and Zayn assured them it was going exceptionally well, Louis had suddenly been having doubts. What if everyone still hated him after all? What if they thought he was weak? What if, what if what if…

            All of those insecurities broke Harry’s heart. Yes, Louis leaving had hurt. In fact, it was the most painful experience he’d ever had to endure, but he wasn’t angry. Maybe he had been, but not anymore. He got it now. Louis had been scared, and fear made people do things that maybe weren’t for the best. It was clear, though, that Louis still hadn’t forgiven himself, and didn’t seem like he would anytime soon. Harry hated that.

            As he sat, Louis rested his head against Harry’s shoulder and Harry wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend’s body.

            “Are you okay, baby?”

            “No,” Louis said in that way that meant he was going to start crying at any moment.

            “What’s wrong?” Harry asked, shifting a bit to place a kiss on top of the other’s head.

            “I’m scared.”

            “Do you want me to do the interview by myself? You don’t have to do this, Louis.”

            “No,” Louis said anyway, wiping his moist eyes and blushing a little. He had been quite emotional recently, as the therapist told Harry he would. He was entering a new chapter in his life, and although it was a better chapter, the process of leaving everything else behind was going to leave him feeling both high and low. Harry saw every unhidden emotion as progress, but Louis still got a little embarrassed when he let them show.

            “Sorry,” he said. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

            Louis began to stand from the bed, but Harry grabbed his hand, stopping him.

            “Tell me why you said you’re not okay, and why exactly you’re scared. What’s wrong?”

            “Being myself is hard,” Louis admitted. “For so long, I faked a smile and pretended everything was fine. It wasn’t easy, but it was comfortable. Everything _is_ fine now, and I know that, but admitting that it wasn’t is hard.”

            “I know,” Harry said, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend again. “I wish I could make it easier, but I’m going to be there the whole time. I’m going to be here for everything.”

            “I know,” Louis said, taking his turn to kiss the other man. “Sorry, I just freaked out for a minute.”

            “It’s alright, love. We don’t have to do this, neither of us, you know that, right?”

            “We’re doing it,” Louis said with a shake of his head, standing again. Harry stood with him that time.

            “I’m so proud of you, Louis, and I love you so much.”

            “I love you too.”

***

            Shayla, the interviewer who got their first televised interview after becoming a ‘couple’ the first time around, scored that interview as well, and she gave them both tight hugs when they were called out. Louis and Harry sat close together on the couch, Harry placing a hand supportively on Louis’s knee; opposite of last time.

            “It’s nice to see you both again!” Shayla began once the cheers had minimized somewhat.

            “Yeah, you too,” Harry told her as Louis offered a nervous smile.

            “How are you both doing?” she continued.

            “We’re fine,” Harry answered. “It’s been a roller coaster of a few weeks, but we’re getting through together.”

            “I can only imagine. Louis, you posted quite a concerning picture on your social media sites.”

            Harry glanced in his boyfriend’s direction, ready to take the lead if he didn’t appear ready, but after a nervous swallow and lick of his lips, he began to talk.

            “I don’t think it was that concerning. The message was positive.”

            “You didn’t think the fact that you were all bruised up would concern people?”

            Louis fidgeted nervously and Harry jumped in.

            “I think what he means is that, with the caption, the post was supposed to give a more positive message; a hopeful one.”

            “Yeah, that’s what I meant. He’s much better with words than I am,” Louis said, relaxing a bit.

            “The caption was positive, that is true,” Shayla agreed, “but it still caused quite a stir. What happened?”

            “I was in a bad situation,” Louis spoke again. “I put myself in that situation, and I regret that, but it also helped me to realize what a great thing I had. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve been in the position, but before, back when Harry and I were first together, I still wasn’t in the best place mentally. Harry was helping, and I really was happy with him, but when you’ve been in the type of situation I was in, happiness can be scary because you’re so used to the rug being pulled out from under you when things seem to be going well, so, sometimes, you stick with the pain because that’s what you feel like you can rely on.”

            “That’s so sad, Louis. You’re breaking my heart.”

            “Sorry,” Louis said with a sheepish smile. “But things are going well now and, yeah, it’s scary, but it’s worth all of it. And I just want to say, for anyone going through the same type of situation or similar, that there is _always_ a way out. A safe way out.”

            “Just to clarify, what type of situation are we talking about here?”

            Louis hesitated a moment before answering.

            “Being in a relationship-any type-where you aren’t being treated as you should. And, also, since sometimes it’s hard to know how you should or shouldn’t be treated, if he or she causes you purposeful physical harm or makes you feel bad about yourself, that is wrong, no matter what.”

            The audience broke into applause then, clearly surprising Louis, and Harry couldn’t help but smile as pride welled up in him. Louis was going to be okay.

            Shayla let the audience quiet themselves down before she began her questioning again.

            “The boyfriend you went back to, Louis, had he been like that before also?”

            “Shayla, in our last interview, after the drama with Harry and him at the signing party, you asked if I was surprised by a certain ex’s behavior, and I said no.”

            “So there’s my answer?”

            “There’s your answer.”

            “You’re quite brave, Louis, putting all of this out there for the world to see. I’m sure you’ve just ruined a career.”

            She may not have meant anything by it, Harry knew, but the words caused Louis to tense again, eyes traveling down to his lap as he chewed his bottom lip, so Harry jumped back in.

            “With all due respect, I don’t think that’s quite appropriate,” he said. “He _is_ brave for letting everyone know what he’s been through, and it’s unfortunate that it had to be this way, but we promised the truth. We aren’t doing this to hurt anyone. We’re doing this to free Louis. _He_ had Louis on a virtual chain for too long, and hiding that would require lying. He’s had to lie enough.”

            “Plus, I want others to know that it’s okay to tell someone what has happened to you,” Louis spoke again, eyes focused on Harry, though his words were for everyone. “You don’t have to be ashamed.”

            “Exactly,” Harry agreed, habitually moving a strand of hair from Louis’s face, which, for whatever reason, earned them some ‘aws’ and claps.

            “So there was no hesitation in taking him back, Harry?”

            “No,” Harry said.

            “But weren’t you hurt?”

            “Yeah, of course, but he did what he did for a reason. As he said earlier, it’s hard to understand unless you’re in that position. If I hadn’t let him come back, I’d just be hurting both of us.”

            “And you think you will make it this time?”

            “I do.”

            “Me too,” Louis added. “I’m not going anywhere. I meant it when I said that I’m back where I belong.”

            “Well, I’m so glad you two are getting your happy ending.”

            “Thank you,” Harry said. “But the ending is still a long way away. This is a happy middle.”

            “Of course.”

            Louis smiled at Harry, seeming relaxed at last, and Harry patted his knee before speaking again to Shayla.

            “So next topic then?”

            “Next topic,” she agreed. “Louis, you have some big news to share with us?”

            “I do,” Louis said, sitting up straighter. “In the fall, I will be releasing my debut album.”

            The audience cheered again, and Louis gave them grateful smiles.

            “That’s amazing!” Shayla exclaimed. “Congratulations!”

            “Thank you.”

            “Who are you signed with?”

            “Forever Music, the same label as my wonderful boyfriend over here. His new album comes out this spring.”

            “So I heard! Harry, how excited are you?”

            “I’m really excited,” Harry replied. “I feel really good about this album.”

            “From what we’ve heard so far, it’s sounding like it’s going to be your best album yet!”

            “Thank you, and I hope so!”

            “Now, Louis, back to you, have you begun recording yet? When can we expect a single from you?”

            “I haven’t recorded anything for the album yet,” Louis said. “I want to be involved with all of the writing because I want it to be…honest I guess? Yeah, honest. We’ll go with that. But I don’t have much experience writing, so I need to find extremely patient and compromising co-writers.”

            “Harry, you’re a pretty experienced song writer. Are you going to be helping him out?”

            “Of course, if he wants me to. I don’t think he needs much help though. He’s a natural.”

            “Louis, you haven’t recorded anything for your album,” Shayla continued, “but you have recently recorded something, yes?”

            “I have,” Louis admitted with a nod.

            “And what would that be?”

            “I recorded a song with Harry for his album.”

            “A duet then?”

            “Yes.”

            “And you two wrote it together, all by yourselves?”

            “We did, and fairly quickly too.”

            “It’s my favorite on the album,” Harry interjected.

            “I’m sure it’s lovely, and we’re going to find out, because after the break, Louis and Harry will be performing their song for the first time ever, just for you guys! We’ll be back!”

            They cut to a break then, but there was no time to relax and take a breather because Louis and Harry were rushed to the other side of the stage to get set up for their performance.

            “You’re going to do great,” Harry assured an anxiety-riddled Louis after they were in place and had only seconds until they were back on the air. Words failing him, Louis left his spot to pull Harry close and kiss him, shaking just a bit. Harry kissed back, hands cupping his cheeks.

            “I mean it,” he said once they broke apart. “You have nothing to worry about.”

            “…And we’re back!” Shayla told the studio audience as well as those watching on television. “That was the longest three minutes of our lives, right? So after much anticipated waiting, here are Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson performing their first song together, _White Ballons_!”

            As the intro music began, Harry gave Louis another glance. He still looked nervous, but he looked ready, and Harry relaxed a bit, smiling as he prepared to hear Louis’s beautiful voice-and for everyone else to hear it too.

_L: I'm holding on to white balloons  
Up against the sky of doom, tell me you see them_

  
H: _'Cause what's inside of me is invisible to most_  
_Even in clear view_

_L: I'm sending out a signal to the possibility of you  
'Cause right at this moment_

  
B:  _I know you're connected to a part of me_  
_That I don't even know myself_

_H:: The changes in me are likely to be like the weather  
Stormy and clear, strength into fear bound together_

_L: But I'll break my silence_  
_If I believe that you and me could ever be_  
_More than just what's been behind us_

 _H: I tried and left, they came and went_  
_I got rejected out again but no one believes me_  
_I've worn a hundred faces of the characters and placements_  
_And now nobody sees me_

_L: The changes in me are likely to be like the weather  
Cloudy at best_

_H: Angels lift me, are you with me?_  
_I'm holding on to you_  
_Like I'm holding on to white balloons_  
_Carry me away, I hope that you don't break_

 _L: Angels lift me, are you with me?_  
I'm holding on to you  
Like I'm holding on to white balloons

  
B: _Carry me away, I hope that you don't break_  
_I hope that you don't break, yeah, don't break_

_L: 'Cause what's inside of me is invisible to most  
Even in clear view_

          Though he made sure to keep making glances to the crowd or the cameras, Harry’s eyes kept finding their way back to Louis, he looking back sometimes when he wasn’t staring nervously at the ground or backstage where Zayn, Liam, Niall and Josh were waiting.

             At the end, the audience clapped, cheered and whistled, and Louis’s name was called from somewhere in the crowd. Beaming, once again filled with so much pride, Harry left his microphone stand to pull a shocked Louis into his arms.

            “You did it, Lou,” he said. “They love you. I love you.”

            “Thank you, Harry,” Louis said, voice low, but Harry heard the words and held him tighter. He didn’t even care that the camera was still panned on them.

***

            “You two were amazing!” Zayn exclaimed as he hurried over to place a kiss on each of their cheeks when the couple was finally backstage. “I knew you would do well, of course, but damn!”

            “Thank you,” Harry said, accepting congratulatory hugs from Liam, Josh and Niall as well. Josh was saying something about Harry’s outfit when the singer heard Zayn say, softly,

            “Lou, what’s wrong?”

            Stopping mid-sentence, Harry turned towards his boyfriend quickly and saw that his eyes had again filled with tears.

            “Nothing’s wrong. I’m happy,” Louis squeaked, throwing his arms around Harry’s neck and burying his face in his chest, embarrassed again over his unstable emotions. He wasn’t the only one to get emotional, though, and Liam and Zayn soon joined the hug, sniffles going all around.

            “I LOVE GROUP HUGS!” Niall shouted after politely giving them a few seconds of cuddling, jumping right onto Liam’s back. They started laughing then, and some probably thought they were crazy, but they just didn’t care.

***

            _White Balloons_ was released to radio just a few days later, as well as available as a download for just one dollar, all proceeds going to the shelter for victims of domestic violence and runaways that Louis and Harry were opening. They expected it to do well, but they didn’t expect it to be number one on the charts for several weeks in a row. In fact, it was Harry’s most popular single to date.      

            The men continued to score headlines, both together and separately, most positive. Nick did, as Shayla predicted, lose his job. Technically, he quit due to the nasty phone calls he received every time he tried to play a radio game with his audience, despite the fact that Louis asked fans to please not spread the hate, and to spread love instead. The hate messages did decrease significantly after that, but they continued, and Nick had had enough. He was basically unmarketable at that point, but Harry assured Louis that he would find something else. Louis, being Louis, still felt guilty, and wouldn’t give up until Liam hired Nick onto his team doing something. It took a while, but he did eventually cave, allowing his current janitor to retire early and giving Nick the position; Harry guessed with a much smaller pay wage, and benefits that weren’t nearly as luxurious.

            “You’re so nice, Louis,” Harry told the man when they discovered this, and placed a kiss on the side of his boyfriend's neck.

            “Nothing good comes from holding grudges,” Louis said. “I know him losing his job wasn’t my fault, per se, because he did what he did, but it was still because of that post, and everything afterwards.”

            “We did it for a reason.”

            “No, I know, and I don’t regret it, but put him on the streets and he’ll be mugging and robbing people left and right. It’s for the best.”

            “You’re still nice, and so wonderful,” Harry insisted, kissing Louis on the lips then. “I love you.”

            “And I love you.”

***

            As planned, Harry’s album was released that spring, and, along with it, a tour was scheduled.

            “Seven months is a long time,” Louis said when all of the dates were finalized. “But I’m so proud of you.”

            “I’ll come home when I can,” Harry said. He absolutely loved touring, but the thought of leaving Louis for even a week was breaking his heart.

            “I’ll come out on the road sometimes too,” Louis said. “I’ll bring our families sometimes too. I’m sure my sisters would love free concerts.”

            “We’ll talk every day.”

            “Twice a day sometimes.”

            “Three times a day, even.”

            Louis gave a small laugh, cutting himself off to kiss his boyfriend. “Maybe seven months isn’t _too_ long.”

            Harry didn’t mention that Louis would likely be touring after that. There was no need. Louis knew it, and they knew they would be okay. More than okay, even.

***

            “I really like those headscarves you’ve been wearing,” Louis mentioned as he and Harry strolled along some outlets, virtually unnoticed, or at least being left alone.

            “Yeah?” Harry asked.

            “Yeah,” Louis said, stopping by a rack full of headscarves and taking a moment to browse before selecting a light blue one.

            “That one matches your eyes,” Harry noted.

            “I knew you would say that,” Louis said with a smile. “It’s so you’ll remember me while you’re on the road.”

            “Because I would totally forget you otherwise.”

            Louis just smiled, and Harry returned it, searching the rack himself until he found a headscarf that was the perfect shade of green.

            “This is for you, then.”

            “I’ve never worn one before.”

            “You don’t have to wear it.”

            “I won’t take it off until you get home,” Louis said. “Unless it’s to, like, shower or something.”

            “I won’t take mine off even to shower,” Harry said.

            “That’s gross,” Louis informed him.

            “Fine. I will,” Harry compromised, “but it will stay on the door handle.”

***

            Harry knew the day before he left would be bittersweet, but he was expecting at least a little less bitter and a little sweeter. He wanted to go out and see the fans. He wanted to perform live. But he wanted Louis with him.

            “I wish there were such things as port keys,” Harry sighed as the two laid in bed that night, not getting any sleep.

            “We’d lose our headscarves,” Louis said.

            “That would be quite the tragedy,” Harry reasoned. They lay in silence again for a while before Louis sighed and sat up, running a hand through his hair.

            “Hey, you alright?” Harry asked, gently reaching to take Louis’s other hand.

            “Harry, there’s something I want to do before you leave.”

            “What is it, babe?”

            “This isn’t how you go about this, and I know that, but I want to…I want to…”

            In the dark, Harry could see Louis shake his head, but before he could ask what it was, Louis had crawled on top of him, kissing all the way from his bare collar bone up to Harry’s ear, and he shivered.

            Though their relationship was about as serious as one could get, the two had still not taken it to that level yet, and that was alright. It wasn’t that Harry didn’t want to, but he’d spent so long just not caring about any of that stuff in general that he knew he didn’t need it. In fact, they had tried, but that was the one area Louis still hadn’t healed from yet. His body had been used for so long, purely for his survival that sex, for Louis, had become associated with darkness and desperation, and he would freeze up whenever things started going too far. He would get mad at himself too, of course, but Harry was fine with holding him and assuring him that it was alright. A lot of times, Louis would end up crying himself to sleep those nights, but Harry didn’t let go and Louis didn’t ask him to. They wouldn’t mention it in the morning.

             As for Harry, sex was something he never thought he would be interested in, and he probably wouldn't be, with anyone but Louis, because it wasn't just about the sex. He wanted to be closer to Louis, physically and emotionally, because he loved him. And yeah, Louis was gorgeous, but that wasn't the point at all. Louis made him feel several ways he'd never felt before-and never thought he would feel-so Harry was ready. More than ready.  But he could wait, and he wanted to make sure that Louis was truly ready also. 

            “Are you sure?” Harry asked, holding supportively onto Louis’s hips as the man kissed his way back down, further and further.

            “Yeah,” Louis said. “I mean, if you are?”

            “Yeah, babe. But you know I love you, whether we do it or not?”  

            “I know,” Louis said, working on placing a nice little mark onto Harry’s stomach. “That’s why I want to. Well, and because you’re so fucking hot.”

            Harry laughed, hands finding their way to Louis’s hair as his body began to buzz.

            “Next time give me a bit of warning so I can bust out the lingerie.”

            “Sorry. I was feeling spontaneous.”

            “Spontaneous is good too.”

***

            The two had already decided that Louis wouldn’t go to the airport with Harry the next morning. They didn’t want their emotional goodbye witnessed by anyone. In fact, they didn’t want a goodbye at all because it wasn’t really a goodbye. Goodbyes felt like forever, and this wasn’t forever. Not even close.

            “I’ll see you later, love,” Harry whispered as he planted a gentle kiss on his sleeping boyfriend’s cheek after changing and loading up the waiting car. Before leaving, Harry took a few moments to wrap his blue headscarf through his curls and to, ever so gently, tie Louis’s green one loosely around his wrist. Then, he gave the beautiful man-the beautiful, compassionate, wonderful, strong man-one last look…

            …At least until their Skype date later that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! I don't know what to do with my life now! ;)
> 
> I hope the duet part wasn't confusing. I was thinking the girl sang a lot more in the actual song, but when I listened to it to break up their parts, I realized that she really only had a couple of lines so I broke it up. (The 'B' was for when both of them were singing...which you probably figured out, but just in case.) I'm sorry if that part was weird, but it didn't feel complete until I added the lyrics.
> 
> Also, I am soooo sorry this took so long to post! I rewrote it once because I didn't like it and then rewrote it again because I literally had a dream that I posted the chapter and everyone hated it XD So I really hope you didn't hate it...
> 
> A lovely reader named Macy is the one who gave me a mini prompt for a headscarf part in this fic, and this isn't exactly what she wanted but Macy, if you're still reading, I hope you liked it anyway! Thank you, because I would have never come up with that part without your prompt :) (I also hope you don't mind me putting your name on here...)
> 
> For everyone who read/commented/gave kudos, thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Please also do not let the Nick part throw you off. This is a "prologue" for a reason ;) Thanks for reading!


End file.
